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My grandmother had a really bad fall 2 months ago. I grew up with an addict mother (who passed) so my grandma has always forcefully been in my life. I have always advocated for her, especially after my grandfather passed. Moved her from Chicago to Florida where I currently reside. She was living alone and I was caring for everything, bills, food, going and getting her in and out of bed daily. After the fall/hospital stay I reluctantly moved her into my home. Finding any answers or assistance with elder care is beyond impossible. I gave up my bedroom to give it to her, I now sleep in my garage. I was really hopeful that it would work. Well, it's not. Every day she says "I hope you rot in hell", "you are the most selfish person I've ever met", etc. I actually yelled the other day because I was at a breaking point. I am so tired and upset at myself for getting to that point. I sat down with my children afterwards and explained that my behavior was beyond wrong. The sad thing is all 3 of them felt it to be justified and that just breaks my heart. She comments on everything, every time we try and speak reasonably about how we can make our living situation better her response is "well I'll just die!". I'm at my wits end with her. Ontop of daily life of corporate America, raising 3 children, etc. She has no assets and limited SS. What are my options here? Please.

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"I might not be here tomorrow" said to your children is guilt inducing, manipulative, and cruel. We all might not be here tomorrow, but we don’t use a simple fact to hang over the heads of those we love to get what we want
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My heart is so warmed by all of your answers and support. Thank you!
To answer a few questions, yes she has always been a narcissist guilt tripper. Knows no bounds and I have to be honest I'm learning boundaries as I age. I was and always have been the helper, the fixer, the caretaker...of everyone/everything.
She will be the happiest jolliest lady in front of everyone else but with family its a different story.
To answer the other commenters questions (thank you again because they are very well formed for a big picture)
How old is your grandmother?
Turned 89 yesterday!
What are her current health issues? 
Hx of mini strokes and high blood pressure. Relatively "healthy" given her age.
How much assistance does she currently require?
Major ADL assistance. Needs help getting in and out of bed, pulling up depends, bowel issues, can no longer make food, medication assistance, I think she can use the remote but refuses! Now I just leave her to sit in silence because I know physically she can use the remote.

Do you have power of attorney (POA) for her?
I do have POA.

And most important in my opinion— is she directing any of her verbal abuse towards your children and traumatizing them possibly in the same way that you have been traumatized by your addict mom, grandma who raised you “forcefully,” and other family members who were neglectful or absent? 
No. The other day when I did yell I told my children to go to their rooms. Gramma instantly like a switch had tears in her eyes and told the children to stay. (Enter in the guilt)
That one sentence must have triggered something within me because absolutely not. You hold no power over my children, you had your chance and messed up your kids, not mine. (I said all of this)
She says nothing verbally abusive to the children. With them it's more so comments. Every time one walks by "are you wearing those shoes?"? "You know gramma loves you so much?", "I might not be here tomorrow", its nothing ever flat out insane but these are said 20-30 times a day. Hence why the kids no longer come out of there rooms.
I honestly feel terrible that I made the choice to provide safety and move her in. I feel like I created this mess and in some ways even with the best of intentions I did.
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This is not only affecting you, but your children! They should not be witnessing this!
Grandma has to go.
It is not your fault and not your problem that she has no assets and no where to go. How was she living on her own in Chicago before you moved her to Florida?
does she still have an apartment or home nearby in FL?

If she can not live independently, and needs help with activities of daily living, or with personal cares, then apply for Medicaid for her and place her in a skilled nursing facility.
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" Well if I go to hell at least my coffee will never get cold"

Lol! 😉
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Amanda041320, welcome to the forum. First thing to do is have your Grandmother checked for an urinary tract infection (UTI) because in elders an UTI can cause them to be abusive, physically and verbally. An UTI can also mimic dementia.
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There is some excellent advice here. Get your grandmother placed in an ALF/nursing home or find care for her.

since you asked for honest answers and honest advice. Have you ever tried giving your Grandmother back some of her sass?

Next time she says "I hope you rot in in hell"
Answer with "I hope you do too!" or "hell will be a vacation after taking care of you" or " Well if I go to hell at least my coffee will never get cold"

Next time she says "well I'll just die"
Answer with "What time do you want to schedule that?"
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This is completely unfair to your children. Do not continue to allow this misery in their home. Grandma needs care you cannot provide. Her medical conditions have made her mean and unreasonable. This is beyond your ability to fix. Please take the advice others have already given to get her moved into professional care, accept no blame for doing so, know you’ve done your best, and restore peace to your home. Use your money for your family’s needs and future. Grandma can use Medicaid. I wish you healing and peace
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Time to place grandmom. Medicaid will pay for it.
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She needs to be on Medicaid and be placed in a facility. Frankly anyone that is abused like that is going to feel pretty rotten, so your feelings are valid. She needs to be out and away from you and your kids. You don't say if this is new behavior or if she has always been rude and demeaning. If it is new it could be dementia or another health issue. If it is not new, you might want to seek out therapy for years of abuse. Whatever it is, please do not feel trapped. You have many options, and all of them should be funded with mom's money or through Medicaid. Do not spend your money to get mom moved in anywhere. Do not sign to be responsible for her bills. If you have POA, you can sign as POA, which does not mean you are responsible for her bills. Please keep us posted, as many people in your situation (and yes there are lots of them) never come back and share what path they choose and how it worked out.
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It's time to get grandma out of your house and on her own either in a facility or senior apartment. And if you have to call APS to do so, please don't hesitate to do so. The state can take over her care if need be so you and your children can live in peace and you can get your bedroom back.
You or the state can apply for Medicaid for grandma for her future care.
I wish you well in finding the appropriate facility or apartment for grandma to move to.
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The next time she starts spewing venom, call 911 and tell them she is threatening you, your children, and herself, and needs to go to the ER. Once she is there, tell them that you cannot safely accept her back into your home because of the safety concerns toward your children, and also because you don't have room and are forced to sleep in the garage (in the Florida heat!). Let Adult Protective Services take over her care. Your first priority needs to be your children and it is unacceptable for them to be living with someone who has this degree of mental illness and/or cognitive impairment.
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Hi, Amanda. So sorry you are going through this. I think some more info would be helpful to help us troubleshoot your situation. For instance:

How old is your grandmother?

What are her current health issues? 

How much assistance does she currently require? (Like can she do any ADLs, activities of daily living, like dressing herself, going to the bathroom, etc.)

Do you have power of attorney (POA) for her?

And her behavior— has she always been mean and verbally abusive or is this new behavior (that might be caused by a urinary tract infection, dementia, etc.)?

And most important in my opinion— is she directing any of her verbal abuse towards your children and traumatizing them possibly in the same way that you have been traumatized by your addict mom, grandma who raised you “forcefully,” and other family members who were neglectful or absent?
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