Anyone know that you need help to take care of someone but they don't seem to listen? - AgingCare.com

Anyone know that you need help to take care of someone but they don't seem to listen?

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I have a cousin of my mom's who works in medical lab, she had to deal with both her parents having alzheimers/dementia so I have no problem talking to her about how I feel, however, my mother (her mother is the elderly one we 'take care of') doesn't really seem to grasp reality. I constantly tell her things about her mother, things she does, says to me, does to me, ect, but she just dismisses it as normal older people behavior when it's not, but dementia, my cousin knows both me and my gm need help (possibly my mom?) and is really worried about us but my mom doesn't understand. My mom's cousin and me have convinced my parents to have a meeting with us about the situation, so I'm glad, but we don't know how it will go obviously, but I'm still a little nervous. I feel a bit better having my cousin (and her daughter with psychological knowledge) on my side but I just don't know. I'm just glad they are on my side. Anyone else have a problem like this?

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People with dementia often don't admit to having a problem even when they know they do. Perhaps it is too frightening to them or they fear losing independence. It isn't a good situation for a caregiver because you can't discuss anything about the "D" word without causing anger.

It is very common for family members to go into the same denial. Maybe it is because the person with dementia tells them things are okay. It is easier to be in denial, because they don't have to do anything if nothing is wrong. What do you think your grandmother needs to happen?
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Thanks. No, my grandma doesn't admit to this either, which I guess I believe. My mom's cousin said she's always been independent as well as me, me, me attitude. She has no problem using me as a 'slave' to do random things for her. I used to do chores for her because I liked it, mostly putting oil on the wood furniture, but apparently she could never wait 2 seconds for me to finish a paragraph, which I constantly told her I would do it in a minute (when I finished the paragraph) but she'd always just start like 5 seconds later and said I wasn't going to do it, so somehow I basically got kicked out of that, so I don't like doing anything for her. I realize that supposedly getting old I guess is embarrassing? But, wit her me, me, me attitude... bottom line she's a nightmare, thinks she's a queen of some imaginary castle and apparently I'm her one 'servant' so I'm done, staying away from her as much as I can
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Dear Helping77,

I know its tough. I think a lot of people want to be denial and don't want to admit they need help. I am very stubborn and hate to admit I need help too. If you can try telling them how much you love them and want them to be safe. It might not work but at least your tried.
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Yes I had a similar situation when my mom started to 1st show signs of dementia. I first noticed how she would forget everything we talked about or watched on tv. I'm with her 24/7 as I am caring for my father.

When I first mentioned what I noticed to my siblings they wrote it off as "she's just getting old" or she's just tired. I took her to the Dr and he basically said she's 86 and it's normal. It wasn't until she started putting microwave bowls on the stove top and melting the food, till others noticed something was off.

Talking to your parents about your grandmother is a good idea. Make a list of everything you've noticed and give that too them.

Does your grandmother recognise she has the issue or is she in denial too?
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