My mother in law moved in with us just before we got married 10/30/2020. Since moving in, I have noticed she smells, BAD. I have tried to be nice about showering, but so far she just tells me she already took one or she will "later". My husband has also mentioned it to her, but she tells him the same.
I have noticed that she has major issues with toilet time as well.
She seems to "miss" when she goes to the bathroom. By this I mean there is constantly a smell in the shared bathroom. There is urine on the floor and wall, along with fecal matter at times. I have tried to make the bathroom not smell for the 4 adults that live here (my mother also lives with us) but even cleaning the floor and wall by the toilet every day the smell is very strong. (read that as the bathroom smells like an outhouse or port-a-potty in the summer). I have checked around the toilet for dried body fluids and can find none.
I have also noticed that she seems to have an issue with wiping, meaning there are visible stains on her legs from urine.
She tries to use air freshers to cover the smell but lately, it doesn't even help. The smell in the last 4 days alone is enough to make me gag.
I also have the suspicion that she does not really "wash" in the shower but instead just washes her hair. (her hair is also very long, maybe midback, and she refuses to care for it or cut it) I don't actually know if she even does that. I have noticed when I clean the shower, there is a build-up of her shampoo on the side of the tub, which leads me to believe that when she showers shampoo is dropped, or she is just squirting it out on the floor. She also does not use soap or a washcloth.
I am at my wit's ends. I don't know what to do. I have tried talking but it does nothing. I have tried offering to clean, and she flat out tells me no. I have suggested that showers might make her feel better, but she says nothing to that. I have asked her if she needs help in the shower and she does not answer.
Her son, said to me "I shouldn't have to tell her several times a week she needs a shower" and my only response was, no you shouldn't. She should do this on her own.
Note to add
she has gone over 14 days without a shower before.