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My grandpa is acting very childlike and selfish with not being able to go outside to do anything at all. We live in California with new cases breaking out every day. He already is sick with bronchitis which we have been treating and it is getting better so we think when he is healthy there will be nothing we can say to keep him home. He has been acting very rude to me and my parents who are his care givers by not wanting to do simple tasks such as; washing his hands, using tissues instead of hankies, taking a bath, changing his clothes. We are nearing our wits ends and patience because he fights us with everything and it’s all because he can’t go out to eat or go to the bank. We don’t want to expose him to anything more than what he currently has right now but he doesn’t care he’s saying he hopes he gets it and dies and that hurts all of us so much but he doesn’t care. We try and show him the news read him articles etc. but he doesn’t care because most of the announcements made are by Trump and he hates Trump and won’t believe a word he says. He keeps wanting to somehow leave our house and flee to North Carolina where his family is originally from but all of them are just as old or even more bad off with their health. His sisters have told him no he shouldn’t come over here to live and expect someone to be able to care for him because they are already in the care of other families or in hospice care etc. I’m lost on what to do to really show him how serious this virus is and how important it is for him to stay inside and not go outside at all because me and my parents already risk ourselves to go out and get the groceries we need for the month but that means going to several stores just to find what we need due to panic buying. Please help me and my family we are so lost on what to do.

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Let him watch the war movies. The most important thing is that he stay in. If he crys that’s ok. It won’t kill him.
Record him talking about the war and let him watch himself.
Watch Teepa Snow on YouTube to teach yourself how to divert his attention.
Dont argue or try to convince him but do engage him. If he is interested in his ancestry check out ancestry.com. My aunt, 93 with dementia, loves to hear what I find about her family. Ask him who was his favorite singer when he was young. Look for songs that he remembers on YouTube. There are many oldies there.
Search for
War Songs of WW2
He will probably know the words.
Do a search of the National Cemeteries.
Read a chapter book to him
while he has a snack
Play battle with him. Everyday after lunch have the whole family play cards. Let him teach you things. Give him a mani pedi. A massage.
Plan his funeral. Let him talk. Look up funeral songs and sing them with him.
Maybe one or two of these things will help. Stay safe.
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Dementia aside, I doubt he means it when he says he hopes he gets it and dies. He's just frustrated, can't understand why he has to stay in, and that's how he expresses it. It's like when a little kid stomps their foot and yells how "I'm gonna run away and you'll never see me again!".
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Does he have dementia? Also, he has lived through many, many things and maybe he really just doesn't care if he gets this. I think I'd be mad also, if I was 91 and had lived through wars, flues, depressions, etc and someone told me I couldn't go out or use a hanky. I know that isn't helpful, I really feel for the guy & for your struggles.
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If he is not well enough, at his age, to remember the flu of 1918, there is very little you can do to make him understand. The understanding that it is his illness speaking is now on you. So sorry. We are all going to struggle with this.
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There's no reasoning with dementia, that's for sure. My mother blames me for the fact that she is still alive, saying that I'm not 'praying hard enough' for her to die, and that's why she hasn't died yet. Arguing just makes them argue more, and harder, and more vehemently, insisting they're right and we're wrong. What's the point? You're not going to get through to him, so stop trying. Your grandpa can't see or understand any situation but his own......he's totally selfish because that's how dementia presents itself. As a burden for one and all. A hatred for bathing is also par for the course, unfortunately, so I suggest you watch some Teepa Snow videos on YouTube for helpful ideas on getting him into the shower. Alzheimers.org is a good website for more helpful coping techniques as well as an 800 number to call for advice.

At some point, you may need to consider placing him in a Memory Care home if/when his behavior gets too much to handle at home. It's something we all face with demented elders. My mother lives in a Memory Care ALF and the team takes great care of her 24/7.

Wishing you the best of luck!
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Agree with Cali. Maybe try to make a game of hygiene...like squirting sanitizer into your hands and then approaching him and taking him by the hands and rubbing it on for him while you talk to him about something else; putting him in the car and going for a long drive but not getting out of the car; lining up some funny animal videos on YouTube for him to watch, etc. I get running out of patience when he's resistant on every single thing. Trying to put fun or humor into it will help you as well. May you have peace in your hearts and not to worry about things that are not in our control. Bless you for caring for your grandpa!
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Blue49 Mar 2020
We try and make things fun for him but it’s like he sees right through it he doesn’t like to do any basic hygiene. So he’ll stop partaking in the “playful trick” if that makes sense. He uses hand sanitizer as lotion which I guess is ok it’s only up to his elbows but I feel constant use like that won’t be good for his skin but i’m not sure. He doesn’t like watching anything other than war related stuff which we try and avoid showing him because he gets very emotional and then all he can think and talk about is the war. I’ve tried to show him movies that I think he would like through Netflix and he just kept asking if there was any war movies the entire time. He’s very difficult to figure out what would bring him joy other than to leave the house.
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Your grandfather has dementia. You will not be able to reason with him period. If you are asking him to do things, stop. Don’t ask, tell. May or may not work. But you will never get him to understand the corona virus and everything going on because of it.
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