I need help legally and medically for my Mother (90). I am lost and do not know what to do?

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In mid July a relative told my mother that I was in the process of placing her in a long term and taking her assets. All of which is untrue. Everyone that knows my mother knows she fears any kind of institutional care because she was raised in an orphanage. Using this lie they then took my mother to her banks and opened a joint acct at 1 and transferred the money from another to their own account, including her monthly social security check (since resolved). She was told not to answer my calls and did not.

Long story short about 12 days later I received a call from the state social worker telling me has dementia she is in the hospital,. Then a couple of days later I am told by the hospital social worker "she is of her own person".

She was told at discharge from the hospital she could either go home with me, go to long term care of adult foster care. She came home with me.

Also at her discharge the hospital did not tell me she had or has any mental illness, even though she signed the HEPPA form to allow me to discuss and have any medical records. I was given instructions to care for her broken arm, acquired while with the relative that took her money, days prior to her recent hospitalization. I DISCOVERED BY RESEARCHING SHE IS TAKING MEDICATION FOR DEMENTIA AND SCHIZOPHRENIA/BI-POLAR. I immediately contacted the hospital medical social worker who confirmed she was on this type of medication, was surprised the doctor did not come talk to me/us before discharge and told me the diagnosing doctor had minimal training in the area and is not certified.

My mother use to work with the mentally impaired and was an ombudsman for people in long term care. She knows her rights. She will not voluntarily take testing or give anyone DPOA. She believes people want to control her or put her in long term care.

She did file a police report under the "Elder Law" against the relative that took her money, most of which has been spent on a "new home". It is under investigation. I was told she will have to testify. I know she cannot do this because she does have something wrong mentally. I do not know what it is because I am not a doctor.

Why do I say this: She hallucinates, seeing things that are not there or happening. She is paranoid and trusts no one. Her events begin at dusk. She will repeatedly ask the same questions on issues that have happened that day/hour to within the last 5 or 6 years, but is able to remember events long ago. She states that the relative that did this to her lives with her. This person has not lived with her for 40 years. She also states she has not seen or talked to me for 20 years, but I spoke with her everyone 2 or 3 days (we are separated by mileage), visiting and doing repairs to her home as often as I could She often says she is not hungry, but practically licks her plate or she cannot remember if or what she ate. When I discovered she was urinating in a bucket in her bedroom she told me she was not able to hold her urine long enough to get to the bathroom. These are just a few examples of her state of mind/actions.

What do I do? I have no legal authority, she will not cooperate because of her fear. She is currently in my home but I cannot afford to financially support her and cannot ask others to continue to care for her. Quitting work to care for her is not an option for me.

She does not realize she has something wrong mentally and wants to go home after her cast is removed. She currently blames her mental state on hitting her head when she fell, but thinks she is getting better.

I need her to be diagnosed so she is cared for properly mentally, physically and financially. I also need to prove to the courts she will not be able to testify in her own behalf because it is difficult for her to remember current events unless you repeatedly remind her what happened.

On an average she has been in the hospital once a month since January. She refused to allow her medical information released to anyone, until the last hospitalization, so I do not know why she was hospitalized, However, even though she gave permission for the last hospitalization they did not tell me why she was there. Her records were requested with my mom's signature to be sent to my home but I have yet to receive them.

It has been suggested to me that I allow her to go home, knowing she will again be hospitalized. When the hospital contacts me again refuse to take her home until they have had her mentally diagnosed by a certified geriatric psychologist, even though SHE WILL NOT COOPERATE, and run the necessary tests for her medical condition. She has stated she has some medical conditions that I was not informed of and have no records of.

I am lost and do not know how to handle this situation.

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I never figured out - and don't think anybody else did either - how my great-grandmother's youngest daughter, who lived out of state, was the one who, somehow, was able to "swoop" down, put her mother in the nursing home, apparently in such a way that my grandmother, even though she was the oldest and local and took elderly people into her home as a, I think, adult foster care, couldn't get her out, or at least didn't and I think she would have if she could, then years later, after she was gone - (euthanized, as well, my mother would say, though not using that word) - and everybody except the youngest brother, who I believe was still somewhat older - seemed as if it had turned out that she had gotten most of her mother's estate - (do know my grandmother did get her nice china cabinet) as well - don't know how or what happened to the person they had taking care of them (both great-grandparents, though this was done after he passed away and granted, she was in a wheelchair, so just not real sure what it was all about, supposed could have had something to do with it but still...grandmother and mother just saw it all but they wouldn't even try to do anything, just like later with another situation
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"Little protection from bad lawyers" (correcting prior statement) Sorry.
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My sister in law who is an attorney working for State, started planning at least 8 yrs before my parents were euthanized by her. She had my brother transferred to the State Health Care Adm Dept (my brother also worked for State and had advanced Parkinsons. Instead of taking retirement she wanted to know all the tricks in order to take over my parent's estate. Even after efforts to save my Mother's after the sister in law ended my Dad's life, I had to borrow and dig up funds to protect my Mother, the lawyers were corrupt from day 1 to end. You won't win. You have to have money and you have to find honest lawyer specializing in wills, trust etc and that will be hard to find. Try out of town lawyer in family wills/trust. You have to do this because there is little protection for bad lawyers and bad lawyers are plentiful. Every family is different. Try the large legal colleges, law department and you might have a good opportunity. Educating yourself is the goal. My sister in law ruined our house staff, ended our primary caregiver's life because she knew everything, ended my parents lives, and ruined my sister and my lives, and my sister and I were only allowed to watch the nightmare. Elderly Protection was zero and only protected the killer. Look out if you are accused of stealing or lying because you will notice that the person doing the wrong is also setting up her script and doing the real wrong. (first signal that we ignored)
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interesting, my mom developed sundowner's when she was in the hospital following hip surgery but she was never placed on any anti-psychotic meds for it and she did get better after she got back home
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Not sure if you realize this, but the thing that your mom does late in the afternoon? That's called sundowning. Very, very common in Dementia, and probably the reason she's on an antipsychotic. Except it's not working.

Now, you could call 911 when she's hallucinating. They might see her as a danger to herself and by that means, you might get her a better psychiatric workup. Early in her course a vascular dementia, my mom had paranoid delusions and hallucinations and antipsychotics did nothing for them. They diminished over time. Of course, she was in facilities when this was happening, not at home.

Does your mom know what meds she's on? Wouldn't she like to go see a REAL psychiatrist and get rid of the inappropriate meds she was given in the hospital ? (Just trying to come up with a line for you to use)
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I believe you are simply going to have to take her back home when her arm is healed. Hope for the best, but prepared with your answer the next time the social worker calls. "I don't have the means to care for my mother and she won't give me permission to use her funds for her care. The state will have to manage her affairs if it is determined that she can't ".

This is a sad state of affairs and not in any way your fault.
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sendme2help ... There is not a 5150 Involuntary Psychiatric Hold in the state I live in.
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Thank you lealonnie1. It is obvious you have taken the journey I am beginning. I appreciate the HIPPA laws for those that are of "sound mind". Having said that I firmly believe if there is a mental disorder this law should be dismissed.

Amazes me that the medical and legal community expect a person to care for others when they are not allowed to know what it is they are getting into, caring for or the needs that person may have. Absolutely RIDICULOUS. It is mental, emotional and financial abuse to the person that is stepping up to do the right thing. It is like being on a roller coaster that never stops.

It is just a matter of time before there is another flare up and she is taken back to the hospital for care. This time I will refuse to take custody until all testing (mental and physical) is completed. If they do not want to give me the information because of HIPPA then I will not take custody again.
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You need more than hugs, but we are all sending them anyway. This is a great site to help us all know that we are not alone. It also points out that no matter how bad things look, others are sharing the same problems. God bless you and help you. ALL states have departments of elder abuse. You should be checking into this. Lots of love.
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very difficult to do unless she's actually wandering
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