I have been a live in caregiver for over 3 yrs. I am 61 he is 73. He has over the last 6 months showing irritation and sneaking around. Not talking to me about scheduled apts, takes off all day without any idea what where when and I grow concerned when it gets late. He even said one night he was staying in a hotel. This is a complete 180 from his normal kind, communicative and social self. He's tried touching me in ways to reviel more of m bod which I told him not our form of relTionship and to stop. Seems he may be angry that I am not letting him have this form of contact. He's taken pictures I wasn't aware of, many of them. He's had a bit of a colored past which I didn't know before. Has claimed me abusive with DCF which they haven't returned after they came over a month ago. He wrote a note telling to be out by 11/1, and details how I am to leave the property and as it was before we moved into a rebuild Florida home 9/22 he complains now if the animals all of whom he did not want to let me place in other homes. All the work I put in the property from bare sand to a lawn and gardens, all the repairs on electric and sealing the walls etc he paid nothing for. I paid for it all even his cane and seat cushions and several other medical items he uses dailY. He paid for certain bills I covered certain bills but now he is acting as if I have done something and he isn't talking except to cause more stress and duress for me. He has diabetes and COPD he has been eating out at drive thru chains 2x a day and has not been eating well for many months. Keeps carbohydrate ladden snacks in closet, ne meds drops his sugar to 50 and he normally runs very high 200 even 300 so his blood sugar is like. Yoyo very high then very low within a 24hr time frame, daily now so it can't be good for his health. Do I have an legal recourse and how do I report his behavioral changes in case there is a medication problem , if he is in a possible mental decline or medically at risk. This change was fairly sudden and has increased over last 6 months or so. seMingly started after he got cateracts surgery.
Help
You can not move and force him to evict you in the Courts. But if this was me, I would not push it. He could become aggressive. If you have nowhere to go, go to Social Services and ask for housing help. When you move out call DCF and tell them he is now a vulnerable adult.
1. Are you a caregiver hired by a governmental agency to care for this person? If answer is yes, report to agency you are unable to continue this job and quit, giving then a two week notice. Document in your resignation letter your worries regarding his need for more care and monitoring.
2. Are you hired by this gentleman as his caregiver? Do you have a formal letter and contract? If so, quit.
3. Are you a friend with a very lax "personal agreement" involving being his caregiver? If so, you took on a very young, person with a "history" as you say, who may or may not have Alzheimer's and may or may not be a danger to himself. Find other housing for yourself and quit, giving APS a heads up on a possible senior at risk on the day you leave.
This is a very odd situation altogether that you describe for us. I am afraid it is difficult to make heads or tails of it. I do think it is important you find other housing for yourself and leave. In future, if you are a hired caregiver for someone do not pay any of their bills.
Why would a caregiver, which implies that you assist with his health and care issues, pay household bills, repair the house, and even buy him a cane? Does he pay you any salary? Ever? What kind of pictures did he take? Were they of you? In states of undress or sleeping? The fact that he's touched you inappropriately is creepy. Does his past include sex issues or crimes or any form of assault?
There's a lot to unpack here, and as you do, please understand that you may be in real danger. Stop worrying about him and his blood sugar and other illnesses. Consider his mental state as a serious threat and GET OUT. Do not be near him and do not let him know where you are and do not take his phone calls and do not maintain any sort of contact.
The only person you should think about is you. Your story is sad, and unfortunately parts are very familiar because this is how women disappear and end up as a domestic crime featured on DATELINE. I'm sure that there's a crisis line near you that can direct you to a safe space. Take advantage of their help and please check in to let us know that you have escaped and are okay.
Do not return there for any reason unless you want more sexual harassment.
He sounds like he’s slipping into dementia and it’s not gonna get better.
On the legal side, if you have no rental or caregiver agreement in writing, his written notice to leave may stand. Still, you do have rights, especially if you’ve lived there for years, contributed financially, and essentially established residency. Depending on your state’s laws, an eviction process may be required — he usually can’t just demand you leave without formal notice through the courts. Legal aid in your area could give you free guidance.
For your own protection, I would suggest:
• Document everything (his notes, photos, your expenses, your contributions).
• Avoid being alone with him in situations where he crosses boundaries.
• Reach out to Adult Protective Services or his doctor about the sudden decline and risky health behaviors (like uncontrolled blood sugar and eating habits).
• Seek out caregiver support groups or legal aid hotlines so you don’t face this alone.
You’ve given years of care and stability, and it’s unfair to be treated as if you’ve done wrong. You deserve safety, clarity, and respect as you sort this next ste
They're in some other kind of relationship. It's not just a caregiver/client professional one.
Secondly, if you are an aide for this person, why are you paying bills?
Secondly, if your client is able to take off all day long, getting back late at night, and eating out all on his own, why does he even have a live-in caregiver (you)? A person who can do all this on their own does not need a caregiver live-in or hourly.
Call the homecare agency that you work for and tell them that you cannot stay in this position because the client wants you to leave and that he has become sexually aggressive. They will find you a new position. You can quit this job today and leave. Stay with a friend or family. If that's not possible, go to womens' shelter. At least you will not be danger like you may be now.