I need help to find my mom. She's in hospice My sister won't let me see her. Do I need lawyer?

I think you may. Contact an elder law attorney and ask for a consultation.
Good luck to you.
Carol

Will someone tell me why so many children kidnap their elderly parents and then the other siblings have to pay an attorney to find their parents? Why can't the criminal justice system treat it as a typical kidnapping and prosecute the offending sibling?
There's too much of this going on...
Barb

some people are insanely possessive of their parents and run the other siblings out of the picture in any way possible, usually by bad mouthing them. usually, though, the other siblings are made to feel unwanted at some point and they dump all the responsibility on the sibling that volunteered to help. my little sister is so insane i refuse to go near her or my parents. she is like a vicious watchdog. she would only go berserk if i tried to see my parents.

Are you in the same town? If sis doesn't cooperate by telling you where mom is I would find out somehow. Talk to friends of you mom, follow sis to the facility, or maybe someone else. Once located, do not make a scene yourself that could get you into legal trouble. Instead contact police to do welfare check, or APS if you think something funny is going on.

I basically have the same thing going on. I have been caregiving for my mom for two years now. I contacted my brother out of state to see if he could take her for a few months so I could get some much needed rest because I also work a full time graveyard shift job. I have no help here at all! So he agreed. After three months of my mom being with him and his wife, they decided they can't do it anymore and don't want to do it anymore. So now she is being put in a care facility instead of coming back to my place. I know he more less talked her into staying out there even though she is going into a home through the help of medicaid. So now all her assets will go to the state because he wants her out there. She is not completely gone upstairs, but is easily persuaded. It makes me sick to my stomach! If I try to talk to her, he interrupts and says that it would be a toxic environment for her at my place. Why, because I wait on her hand and foot and because I need to lay down for rest in the afternoon so I can go to work in the evening. She was doing fine while here. At night she would sleep while I was at work. I would get home before she got up in the morning. Yes it was a lot of work for me, but I didn't mind, I just needed a little break.

How do you forgive these siblings and move on??? Its damn near impossible! Went to see a medium recently she said when you learn to forgive these people that hurt you your life will get better? A big price to pay BUT you can forgive maybe but I will never want to see them again when mum passes!

It just amazes me how things like a parent needing care, brings out the absolute worst in family members. If we think we are all on the same page,then we tend to find out quickly,no we are not.
As a family member,you have a right to visit with your Mother. I dont know the logistics but I would begin searching all care facilities until you find her. It is your right. That is if you do not want to deal with your (unreasonable) sister. Hospice is for the last season of life,so I would advise to find the location and visit when you can. I do not think you can be banned from visiting. But with these family members,we never know.
If you cannot reason with your sister,then let her know that a lawyer would quickly find that your Mom was incompetent when she signed the POA and only a full Legal Guardian will be Legal and with that ,all siblings are needed to sign off on it.

Actually, call several attornies so you can compare prices and their services, and their facts (so you can see the facts that match, are law, can be pursued etc). You might consider simply going to the facility and attempting to see your mom. Sign in, go as unnoticed as possible. In our state, family members do not have to sign in. Furthermore, in CA family has access to their LO at any time, any hour as long as the resident is willing to see you. Its a law! Simply head for your mother's room as unnoticed as possible (take your cell phone with camera). If they tell you to leave you need to meet with the highest person on the ladder and find out exactly what their reason is for prohibiting you. (you have to been served a restraining order and/or convicted of elder abuse or something along these lines). If they prohibit you get the name of the person prohibiting you as the lawyer will need it. If your state is like ours, prohibiting you (unless there is just cause) is a violation not just of a residents rights but of a persons civil rights. In short, a resident of a facility has the same rights as any other person on U.S. soil. Before you leave the facility, call the business office of the police and have them come out and make a report while you are at the facility so it is on record. Behave yourself since you will be named in the report. How do you know your sister will not let you see mom? Is she alleging any abuse of any kind? Are their any legal claims pending against you? If you are in CA call CANHR.org immediately. Or, better yet, you could call the police and ask for a police escort. Although they may provide an escort you need to know they can't stay with you very long, long enough to say Hi and I love you. Keep detailed records of what you do from this day forward.
You will need an attorney to over turn the POA. Was mom placed in a facility due to her mind? If so, Alzheimer's, if so what stage (obtain doctors report which should include a date and diagnosis) Most neurologists will estimate the stage of Alzheimer's.
The facility if violating your mother's rights. Be careful however, if your mom is confused or has been prompted, she may claim you have taken all of her money (for example) and she doesn't want to see you. The facility has to honor the wishes of the resident.
I am so sorry this is happening. Please let us know what happens. I ache for you.

It was my understanding you knew where your mom was/is because you know she signed a POA and was not of sound mind at the time of signing. If you sister is indeed not providing you with your mother's physical whereabout please file a missing persons report. I take it therefore, that you mom recently went to a facility and sister has not disclosed where? If so, how did you find out she was "somewhere?" You can certainly file a missing persons or silver alert kidnapping if for example you went to her home and she was not there. If your sister notified you she was placing mom but won't say where then I don't think you can file these said reports. Visitation is a constitutional right as well as a residents right... People don't lose their civil rights when they enter a facility. I am expert on this because our facility keeps trying to impose visiting hours in retaliation for making a report to the state of CA. It's against the law and I have all of the documents and attornnies backing me (at no charge). Check your state however. To report problems to the state go to any nearby NH and the telephone number should be clearly visible on their wall somewhere. Call those people immediately also. File a report with them (and the police) if you a denied visitation. While speaking with them keep pen in hand and ask them to explain your mother's visitation rights and the rights of family to visit --write it down then ask for the regulation or law code/number. I have said code printed and in my car as does another family member at our facility. The police and the state licensing board (mentioned above) are free. You can receive these free services now and hopefully seeing your mother while you are exploring attorney options. Don't sit and wait to obtain an attorney to see your mom.
Again, if there is a restraining order you would be in violation of that order...do not go in this case. If there are other allegations that you are aware of you had better get an attorney.
Please provide us with more information and/or the outcome.
I have had 2 slendid careers in my life. I thought I was done working but it appears I will be entering the field of nursing home reform and advocacy and/or possibly ombudsman services!

This happened to my friends boyfriend (she is 67 he was 80) when he became ill. His children placed him and refused to tell my friend where he was. She had no rights because she was not family, although had she had the $$ to hire an attorney she would have been able to see him but its costly when you are not family.

Also on the wall with the state contact number should be the facilities ombudsman phone number. If there is no RO or pending allegations that ombuds should be acting for you (although ours does little to protect our rights). Have their number ready. Pictures. Only photograph your mother. If she is restrained or bed rails are being used photograph them (for later use and discussion). Get lots of pictures of your dear mother!

At least give us your zip code in the event that any members here know of resources where you are!!!! (or something).

Have you tried APS? I would hope they could itervene and speak with your mother and the both of you privately to see what her wishes are. Caregivers sometimes think that treating a cared for one is an attempt to undermine their authority. I am thinking that once everyone comes together to realize the only thing we have in common is wanting the best for someone we love, we can get past it. But it is enormously difficult. Family issues that we would all love to forget about bare their fangs because over the years people grow to communicate in different ways. Try to get beyond it. I would want to be sure no one has anything financial to gain from your mom's treatment. Knowing that anyone who does care, does almost always incur a loss financially. which is fine unless it affects their standard of life. No one should go broke caring for a parent who has money in the bank.

Personally, I think those of us who have rotten siblings can be vindictive. My brother has never helped. He also mooches off my Mom, and in her condition, it disgusts me. He pushed me in April and I ended up with a concussion and $14,000 in medical bills. He's gone around bad-mouthing me. To be vindictive, he called APS claiming I was abusing our Mom. Finally, my (now former) attorney if he didn't knock it off, we were going to Court for slander. He acts as if HE was the victim.

That said, he will not be involved in any decisions, but he will always be able to see our Mom (as long as there is someone here to supervise) and I will leave while he is here. He's very manipulative.

Timsroom, there had to be a lawyer present in order for her to get the POA, is it a POA or a DPOA? In my opinion, there is nothing you can do. No lawyer is going to say that he let an elderly person sign without being competent. If you take them all to court, the laywer wont put his repuration on the line and say he let her sign when incompetent, regardless of how he felt, do you know what I mean? I would just call the APS and ask if you have any rights and call Hospice and ask them what they think. Even people with Dementia have sane moments and no lawyer would do this unless he felt it was right. The only thing you could do is file for Guardianship which I have heard costs a lot and take a long time. I feel bad for you but don't give up. Lawyers are usually free for the first visit and he will tell you if you have a case or not. Good Luck

Camp outside your sisters house follow her then go and see your mum. I would not waste money on lawyers unless absolutely necessary shes your mum you have rights unless youve been robbing her blind or abusing her your sister dosnt decide who sees her and who dosnt. Filing a missing persons is a great idea! Just dont go down the lawyers route yet on top of all the stress you must be under you dont want a big legal battle. My siblings are selfish and dont help out BUT i have no right to stop them seeing my mum NOR would I.

I agree, everything you can muster that is free; camping, police, ombudsman and all the others listed above. Attorneys are pricey so use them at the end to finalize all the legalities ...When my friends boyfriend was in a NH, his POA was changed and the only people that were authorized to do so were the SW and no lawyer was needed; they may have needed a witness but they had the SW and whomever else...lawyer not needed! Guardianships are also expensive and this avenue should be considered after all the free others; first get to your mom. APS is not going to run over there and you need someone to find your mom now!

When the need for caregiving for our parents comes, it's hard enough to deal with their needs when there is cooperation and communication between siblings and other family members. It's so unfortunate when some people involved choose to try to handle this unilaterally and not communicate with the others. We need to try to remember that it is our loved ones' lives and well being we are here to protect and advocate for, and do our best at that, what ever that may be. You have been given some sound advice by some of those commenting here, and I wish you and your family a good outcome to this dilemma. Contact lawyer(s) though.

ANY NEWS HERE? any progress in finding your mum? Lit a candle that you find her and soon! Big Hug!

It all comes down to the MONEY! No matter weather it is the Caregivers, Drs., Lawyers, or Relatives. There is Always someone who sees $$$ signs instead of "the right thing to do"! I am sickened by all the "thieving" handed people out there, who, I will add, think it's their "right" to do this to someone when they reach this stage in life!!! And STILL the "Laws of the Land" won't help, without the one person who IS honest, pays out through the nose, depleting their funds, Just to get an Honest Legal answer about how they should proceed in taking the RIGHT care of the person who is being victimized! There is someone who always will be there to take, take, take, for their own gain,...in my book they I call them CRIMINALS, who should have the same treatment as all other criminals !!! I know , because I have gone through this several times ( people who Take everything and do nothing), and am in the midst of a similar situation now. Gods help with this for you. I hope you find the Honest one........

Yep. Lots of criminals.