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I am 40 years old and take care of my mom who is 63. She is disabled due to a brain disease and severe COPD. I have been taking care of her for the last 15 years. This past year she has gotten a lot worse. She is a fall risk (falls without warning and does not try to brace herself for impact). She has memory issues. She cannot be trusted with her own medication. She will shower on her own (after a lot of yelling and screaming). She does not help with anything in the house.


In the past 5 years she has started doing out of character things. Such as leaving in the middle of the night and going to my neighbors to go to the hospital... why she did not wake is still a mystery. She roams the house and steals if you do not pay attention. She is so unclean anymore and the list goes on. I cannot take it anymore. I have to work to support the house (she is on SSD and Medicare), but her income is not enough to live on for the house. I don't know what to do anymore and I am the end of my rope. I was told that I would have to pay for her to go to a nursing home, which I cannot afford. Can someone please tell me what options I have?


Can she be put into a nursing home and her SSD check and Medicare pay for it? She was just in the hospital 2 weeks ago and now needs more help. She does not make sense when you talk to her, she has had memory problems since her second brain surgery... Sorry I know I am all over the place. I am lucky if I get 3 hours of sleep anymore. Someone told me to take her to a homeless shelter. I don't want to do that. I want her to be in a place where she can get taken care of. I do not know what to do or where to being... any and all help is much appreciated.

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The house you are living in with Mom...does that belong to you or her?
It sounds like you need a lawyer well versed in Elder Law to help you figure this out.
or
Next time she goes to the hospital you can talk to the Social Worker and explain that she is unsafe at home and you can no longer care for her adequately.
The social workers are used to dealing with situations like this and if an application for Medicaid is necessary they can help you get that process started.

It might also be a good time to contact Hospice. They can help quite a bit as well from getting a CNA in a few times a week to help with showering or a bath. Equipment and supplies that you need and they will be delivered so you do not have to shop for those items. It is also a Medicare requirement that Hospice have volunteers and you can request a volunteer to come in and sit with Mom so you can get out and have some "Me time"
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Definitely time to get experts involved in helping you find a safe place for your mom. Even with all the health issues the poor lady has, she could live on for years and years and take you down with her as you struggle to keep up working, not sleeping properly, and running around trying to protect her from herself. No loving mom would want to do that.

Another thought to keep in mind as you start researching options: if she goes into the hospital again, don't pick her up or sign her out, etc. Let the staff, doctor, nurses, hospital social worker/discharge planner know you are unable to care for her safely at home and that they need to find appropriate care for her.

Best wishes to you and your mom!
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You mom needs to be in a facility. She is a danger to herself. And, I’m sure your neighbors don’t appreciate her waking them up in the middle of the night. Who owns the house, you or her? Do you by any chance have Power of Attorney for her? If not, since she’s not competent, you may have to apply for emergency guardianship. Who are these “someone’s” who are giving you this wonky advice? You don’t have to take your mother to a homeless shelter. She’s not an unwanted dog or cat. And she’s not homeless. You can apply for Medicaid. Call your local Area Agency on Aging or your local Family Services Agency and let them guide you. You can also call Adult Protective Services and report an at-risk adult. They will assign you a caseworker and help you decide what to do. And stop listening to these people who are giving you this advice. They’re wrong.
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