I need help because I can't keep living like this!

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My mother in late 60s, alcoholic, diabetic, has gout, heart problems and etc needs help. All she does is yell at me and in my mid-30s. She is married, but my father refuses to speak up and take charge. He says he will just be yelled at and there is no talking sense into her. She needs professional help. I need help because I can't keep living like this. I moved back into their house to help them 6 years ago or so and they need help 24/7. I am holding down multiple jobs, don't even have time to take care of myself either. My mother does not leave the house. She does not even step outside. She will open the door but that's it. She is not afraid to leave, she is simply very depressed. She is overly- medicated, takes about 13 pills daily. Tonight, myself, my father and mother were eating dinner, had on a hockey game, everything was going fine, then she starts yelling at me about me not organizing her meds anymore, I told my dad he needs to do it (he's capable of doing that). I use to organize my mothers pills in a monthly daily organizer, but I didn't want to blamed for anything so I told my father he would have to do it. She then started yelling at me as I'm sitting next to hear, almost blew out my eardrum, and I ended up in tears. She kept saying she was going to kick me out of her house and I pay for the house, its not in my name, but she refuses to help any. Between myself and my dad, we are paying for everything. She constantly orders things from QVC, multiple packages arriving daily. She needs a lot of help. She does not leave the house, not even to go get a haircut. She sits in a chair all day playing on her cell phone or falling asleep during the day. She is not my birth mom, I do not know my birth mom. I'm very upset. What can I do? She refuses to go see a doctor because she thinks they are trying to take advantage of her. When my brother and his girlfriend come here to visit once a week, she pretends and puts on this fake show laughing and telling jokes and just continues to yell at me. One would not think she has dementia or anything. I've seen this with other people who have had dementia. I use to work with elderly patients. All she does is yells and screams. She does nothing for herself. My father even has to help her walk up the stairs and down the stairs, he even helps her in the shower. Yet, he refuses to get her help. She wet her bed 3xs the other week and then blamed it on me saying I poured "water" on her bed. Its so weird! You can clearly sniff out the section on the sheets with the pee on it. My dad can't smell anything and he refuses to let me change the sheets. So now, she is sleeping on pee sheets. She is up till 2 or 3am drinking. She starts drinking at 7 or 8pm. My father keeps pouring her drink after drink till 2am or 3am. I guess one could say he has a drinking problem too since he is drinking also till 2 or 3am. My mother has not even gone grocery shopping in probably 15 years or more....its always myself or my father doing that. She rarely washes her hair or uses soap. Her hair is so bad that it gets in our food and its long hair that is never washed. Her hair is so tangled and she stuffs the hair from her hair brush down the kitchen sink. She keeps threatening she is going to kick me out of the house, but how can she if I am taking full responsibility for her (trying to at least) and paying for everything? She doesn't even own a car! Need help please! Please be kind! I've been balling my eyes out since dinner time! P.S. My brother who only sees her once a week started saying some BS crap about how he loves her and blah blah blah and I get it, but she isn't his real mother either. He believes she has no issues and is well capable of making he own choices, but he has no idea what goes on! Like I said, she puts on a fake act just for him. All she ever does is talk about him. LOL. She also lies to people to get out of going places or going to see the doctors. She tells everyone my father is a firefighter and can't go anywhere LOL. She will say (like if a doctors office calls trying to get her to come in) that my father is a firefighter and he needs her and he only has one day off a week and such....its such a lie! She will also text/tell her friends that we a lll go on trips to NY, NJ, TX and other places to get out from her hanging out with her ex-co workers. I don't get it! Then, I see her old friends/ex-co workers and they ask me about the trip and this and that, what did I go see while I was in Texas and such....and I've never been to Texas! Strange if you ask me! I understand not wanting to hangout some times, but this is all the time and then I get questioned by her friends about this. My mom expects me to lie to them telling them things about how great the trip was and such. I totally do not want to lie to people about fake trips! P.S.S. I do not drink at all myself!!!

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Your mother will continue this behavior as long as you and your father continue to enable it. Move out. Continue to visit, maybe bringing dinner with you one day a week? When your mother starts a rant, simply say "good bye" and walk out the door. If she calls you and starts to rant, say "good bye" and hang up. Reward reasonable behavior by staying through the whole dinner or finishing the call. If you dad really needs help with something (mowing the lawn, a home repair, grocery shopping) then give it but don't let either of them guilt trip you into doing something they could handle themselves. You cannot change an addict's behavior - they have to make those changes on their own. It's very difficult to watch someone you love self destruct but sometimes all you can really do is pray they embrace recovery before they totally destroy themselves.
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Reply to TNtechie
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Get the hell out!!! Use your money to support yourself and save yourself.
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Reply to Kimber166
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"I can't keep living like this". That's right. You've made an attempt. You need to move on.

Stop paying for your father and stepmother's destructive life style. Use your money to obtain housing for yourself. Restart your life.

Why can't you do that?
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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You moved back into their house six years ago from... where?

You moved back in to help them, or because you needed somewhere to live? Or both, of course, both is quite possible.

Anyway. So, is there any reason you can't resume the independent life you were leading beforehand? Because if there isn't, you should pack up and leave. You've been conned.

Alcoholic, diabetic, gout, heart problems, mobility problems, compulsive shopping, doesn't leave the house, self neglect...

What does your mother weigh?

If your father doesn't want his wife to die soon he needs to find his backbone, face what's going on, and get professional help. But this is his problem, not yours. Get out as soon as you can.
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Reply to Countrymouse
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*be worth a try (sorry, typo!)
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Reply to FrazzledMama
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Sometimes the kindest, most caring thing to do when dealing with addiction is tough love. She will have to truly experience the consequences of her drinking in order to hit rock bottom and realize she needs help. It sounds like you are concerned for her hygiene and physical health, and that she is a danger to herself due to her drinking and mixing a number of prescriptions with alcohol. I would definitely move out, then call APS and explain the situation, that you are concerned, and that you cannot enable the addiction, but are concerned for her health and safety. It might not worth a try to see if they can step in and do something. By all means too, take care of you, and don't let them make you feel guilty. Hugs to you.
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Reply to FrazzledMama
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Katie - pretend you're not living this life, but your best friend does.

Your best friend's mother and father are alcoholics. They drink till 2 am.
Her mother is abusive and very toxic to be around.
Her mother is a pathological liar.
Her mother squanders hard earned money from the husband.
Her mother does nothing for herself, not even personal hygiene.

Then her father calls your friend and says that he doesn't have enough money to support their drinking and her mom's wasteful shopping habit. He wants your friend to pick up a couple more jobs to earn more money and move in with them and help pay their bills and their drinking, and the mom's non-sense shopping.

Your friend calls you for advice. She want to know if she should do what her father asks her to do. What would you tell your best friend?

You should do what you would tell your best friend to do.
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Reply to polarbear
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Katie
The good news is. You don’t drink.
You need to move out immediately.
You aren’t helping anyone. You are only enabling.
Move out. That will force a change.
Move out.
And I’m sorry if that doesn’t seem kind because I know you are frustrated. It just doesn’t do any good to hash it out. Move. 
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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