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I want to bring my 61 year old husband home from memory care due to the expense. I have 30 hours home health/health aides that my insurance will cover, but I would need to hire nights and weekends. I thought about getting a CNA student to sleep here and just get up if he needs help (has an accident, taken to the restroom, etc). I can do it now, but I may be starting dialysis soon and then I would need someone to make sure if they hear the door alarm to go redirect him to keep him from wandering. He gets sleeping pills at night, so he isn't up much.

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Who would accept such an offer? A person who had no roof over their head, that's who! You must pay for overnight care and to ask a person to give up their sleep to look after an elder with dementia! You'd be asking for huge trouble taking in a homeless person in this scenario you're seeking! When my daughter went to nursing school I gave her "free room and board" and she needed every minute of sleep the poor thing got in order to graduate! I'm glad nobody was trying to take advantage of her during that time.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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Taking him home would be a HUGE mistake. DO NOT DO THIS!

And no one is going to accept a “free room and board” situation… the ones that do are people you would not want in your house.

A rotation of paid caregivers will run you in the ground financially quicker than any memory care could. How would you handle it when one or more of them quit or can’t come in? Caregivers have sick days and responsibilities just like any employee.

Your husband needs way more help than you and some people can give. You know that. Don’t be foolish.
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Reply to LoopyLoo
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It's not hard to grasp your desperation, but let that desperation spur you on to see an good Elder Law attorney as quickly as possible. I don't know in what state you live, and each state has unique laws. "Splitting your assets" is an option in some states, hopefully in the one you live in. The attorney can assist you by looking at your financial situation and the two of you can talk through "Medicaid spend down", and how your husband can qualify for this. Please do not consider bringing your husband home. I am thinking that your husband will outlive you (This happens quite often, actually) if your already precarious health has "full time at home" arranging for his care. Rather than seek out an unknown student (this won't work, BTW, for the many reasons documented by other posters), use your energy, time, and focus to get to an Elder Law Attorney to get a plan in place for continued memory care for your husband: splitting assets, Medicaid spend down, just whatever it takes to keep him in memory care. Act now, as your dialysis begins soon. Your own continued existence depends upon keeping your husband in memory care,
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Reply to fluffy1966
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AlvaDeer Feb 6, 2025
I so agree. And I cannot imagine someone taking this job for free room and board. They would supposedly have a day job? But how. They would be awake doing care at night. And if asleep, what care. I can't see this working. Sadly.
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This isn’t going to work. Please get the idea out of your head: it’s not in your husband’s best interest.

Nursing school is very hard and people study all day and night. No one has time to care for an elder.

I’m sorry you are feeling pressed.
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Reply to Bulldog54321
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PLEASE...what you're wanting to do is unsustainable and crazy, especially since you yourself are in poor health.
You do NOT need some crazy person in your house overnight while you're trying to sleep.
Instead keep your husband in his memory care where you know he is safe and taken care of and you go talk to an elder law attorney about splitting your assets, so you can apply for Medicaid if and when the time comes.
Most people discover soon enough that the cost of in-home health care costs WAY more than facility care, unless you have family members doing the care for free.
So please call a lawyer today.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Managing home care is a job in itself. You think you can do it now, but I'm afraid that you may not understand how demanding it can be. Also, a CNA student is going to want pay. It's a job. You'd be responsible for withholding a part of the salary according to the law as well as paying for insurance for an employee.

And having done night duty while caregiving my dad and my husband, I can tell you that it is difficult. They wake up, you take them to the bathroom and clean up the mess, then they're sundowning and you don't dare go back to sleep because they might wander or start turning on stove burners. Sleeping pills? Fine. However, if the pills don't keep them asleep as the dementia gets worse, you need to give more pills. Then they start falling down when they get up during the night and other times. You can't get them up. Or they break something. You have to call 911. No sleep again.

He is where he belongs if he's in memory care. The cost is horrendous (my husband is in memory care now). But my advice is to find - somehow - a way to pay for it. Otherwise you're taking on an extremely difficult task that could adversely affect your health, which is already compromised.

I'm sorry.
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Reply to Fawnby
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Have you thought about splitting your assets? Your husband can use up his share, then go on Medicaid. He is so young!
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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You’re very correct to be concerned about the cost of memory care. I’m afraid you’re not fully considering the cost of your idea though. Bringing this theoretical person into your home is likely not realistic. When my family tried to do this for my grandmother the applicants for the job mostly had desperate circumstances of their own causing them to apply, including domestic violence, needing to disappear, horrible money issues from bad choices, etc. Dialysis is exhausting and time consuming, it alone will alter your life. Your husband will continue his sad decline, his behaviors and needs getting harder to deal with. Don’t underestimate any of this and the toll it will take. Right now you get to know he’s safe and cared for, you don’t have to worry about wandering or a worker showing up. I hope you’ll reconsider this and I wish you the best in a tough time
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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