Do I need to get guardianship to protect my parents from oldest sibling (we are both POA)? - AgingCare.com

Do I need to get guardianship to protect my parents from oldest sibling (we are both POA)?

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He wants to put them both in a nursing home. Both parents have early stage dementia, but still function fairly well. Mom trusts this son and doesn't believe me. I've been their caregiver for over 2 years at a tremendous sacrifice financial loss to me.

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BO28 check your pm's.
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I been there so I known what goes on. My sister liketo drink very heavy and goes way backto 1978-1999. Lost ofcommunication and split the family and fuss with both parent. Always want to be over everthing.
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Oh, to answer your original question, do you think that Mom would be happy if you spent lots of money getting guardianship over her?

She trusts her sons and doesn't believe you about something, but I'm not sure what.

Doubt that all the legal problems and certain-to-be rift between her children would make her happy.
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I think your perception of the situation may be compromised. In your own words, you state that "Both parents have early stage dementia, but still function fairly well" but YET further down you state that "Hospice helps care for my dying father, because he has a lot of physical ailments".

Well, which is it? Is Dad functioning fairly well or dying?

You're trying to make money the issue, when it sounds more like jealousy. Somehow your 3 brothers all inherited money from their inlaws? So what? (Are you sure it wasn't their wives who inherited the money?)

If Mom could live many more years, can you afford, (since you've already had a severe financial loss) to keep her at home for all those years? Will you be able to work and maintain an income to provide for them? They would probably qualify for Medicaid. It isn't quitting or giving up to move them to a facility where they can receive many visits from their loving, well rested daughter who isn't trying to wipe their butts and make them take showers when they don't want to. If only 2 years into the process, you are already labeling yourself burned out, you may not last the whole of it anyway. It's a marathon, not a sprint.

By the way, word of loving advice here - you need a best friend who is closer to your age and who you can get out of the house and do things with and relate to. As does your mother if she's still able to maintain a friendship. Having Mother as your 'best friend' is not a healthy relationship.
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Please don't make this a battle between two siblings. Maybe your brother sees how hard it is for you and your parents and feels this is the best long term solution. Is this a NH he is suggesting or some other residential care option?

You might suggest that both you and your brother meet with parents physicians jointly and discuss your observations, etc. with the doctor and get his professional input. Gladimhere also had a good suggestion on an independent third party evaluation.

Maybe your parents want to go to residential care and are open to the idea but aren't saying that to you expressly.

Are you and brother open to getting additional home care/assistance for parents so they can manage in their home a little longer?

This is hard. Please try to have a civil conversation with brother and ask him to visit some care facilities (memory care, AL, NH) with you (without your parents) so you can evaluate ALL your options. Then have a conversation with your parents, narrow down options to 2-3 places; take parents for a visit and enlist their thoughts/needs/choice in the process.

Personally, I think the care facilities are the best value over home care (especially if 24 hrs home care would be needed). Most offer a safe, clean, active environment for seniors with meals, transportation, outings, barber/beauty salons. Home care can keep the senior in their home for longer periods; but it is expensive option and there is still the need to ensure the home is safe/secure and accessible (trip/fall/slip prevention; shower accessibility, stairs, etc.).
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The only burn out part is fighting with 3 brothers 2 who inherited lots of money from inlaws passing, And my parents do not have that kind of money. So my brothers just want to get them out of the way so they can enjoy their retirement down south. Hospice helps care for my dying father, because he has a lot of physical ailments. But my mom on the other hand, does not. She is my best friend. And she could still live a fulfilling happy life for years to come and live in her own home.
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It sounds like you are a burnt out caregiver. Why are you against the nursing home idea? If both parents have dementia this would be very hard to deal with at home.
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Been there. You might want to consider getting an impartial third party involved, like a geriatric care manager. They will assist you and your brother to determine what is best for your parents, the care they need and how that care would best be provided.
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