Need direction for elder care in West Virginia. Any advice? -

Need direction for elder care in West Virginia. Any advice?


Ok I need some direction/help/advice for a friend living in West Virginia (I'm in Texas).
Here are the details:
He is 47 and takes care of his 76 year old mother. He owns their farm jointly, with his mother and deceased father (he was told he cannot remove his father's name without refinancing and is not eligible to refinance at this time). His mother is currently exhibiting beginning stage alz/dem. She is peeing and defecating on the floor several times per day. Denies she is doing it. She refuses to wear depends or other incontinent product. In addition, she is drinking a 30 case of beer every two days. (I've already advised him that he needs to just stop buying the beer and live with her being angry at him) She has not showered in weeks and refuses to do so, because she said she is not able due to COPD and arthritis. Yet, when he threatened her with being placed in a senior care facility, she took a shower on her own.

He has his own business and a significant number of animals that require care and feeding. The farm is how he makes a living so he can't neglect the animals. He is at his wits end on what to do about his mother. He is exhausted and only getting about 3 hours of sleep a night. He waits on her hand and foot - his other family members do nothing to help (they have their own lives). He previously contacted the local senior care agency (about a year ago) and they have told him that if she is in her "right mind" that there is nothing they can do to help. At this time, I would say her "right mind" is disappearing. She will not give him power of attorney for finances or medical care.

Where should he begin? I know he needs to contact an elder care lawyer to correctly plan for his own future, but our biggest concern is how to get help caring for his mother. If he doesn't get help soon he is going to end up in the hospital himself.

Any advice??? especially if you live in West Virginia.... there seems to be a lack of clear information from this state.

Thanks all

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I'm sorry I was not clear..... He lives with his mother...they own the farm jointly. She does not drive - she can barely walk due to arthritis and copd. He is buying the alcohol and knows he needs to stop. Her increase in drinking has been over the pass 3 months - prior to that she drank a six pack a week. The animals are his lively hood and are cared for. OUR concern is how to get help for him to care for his mother. The assets are 1/2 his. He can't leave the farm.... he is the sole person responsible for running it.
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If she is peeing/defecating on the floor, she is beyond the beginning stages of dementia, I believe. From your letter, it's YOU who is out of state, he is on site? He needs to leave her alone for a week and call the county for a wellness check.
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First of all he has to admit to himself that she is not in her right mind. Secondly, I doubt if she is drinking alone or going to buy the beer. Drive on up there and spend the weekend and get the whole picture. Make sure the animals are OK and call the SPCA if they are not. Note that if Mom has to go on Medicaid, the farm is protected/exempted.
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