My Mom (91) lives with me and need assistance with showering her. Can I get help? - AgingCare.com

My Mom (91) lives with me and need assistance with showering her. Can I get help?

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I'm still working 40hr wks and I've had her now for 7yrs, and seeing signs of dementia. Is there financial assistance for me, as I'm needing to cut back from my work load, which will be a financial burden to say the least!

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If you don't find free assistance, I had a company come in once a week, for their minimum which was three hours, $60' and worth every penny. In the remaining time have them do her laundry, clean her room, paint her nails and whatever else will help you out. Maybe with the extra help you won't need to cut back your hours. Good luck, I know it's really difficult.
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Back in the day, when my non demented grandma lived with us, my mom paid a retired nurse to bathe grandma once a week because gas wouldn't let mom do it.
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There are also spray shower in a bottle, if it is too difficult to do a traditional full-body shower in the tub/shower. Sometimes that is all that can be accomplished.
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Just make sure that the person you employ to assist in showering her is competent and has experience with people with dementia. It may be you have a friend that could help you shower her. Working with someone to do the showering can often alleviate some of the stress you may feel about doing it. When I first started the carers that were coming in showed me what they did and I assisted. now the only praise I can guarantee from my mother is that I shower her better than anyone else. Mind you I am the only one who showers her and she does happen to think I am the carer not her daughter so not all plain sailing.
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Call your local area agency on aging, they have programs that can provide someone to come in and assist. Ask them about a local adult medical day care, it's a great place, the clients that attend have the opportunity to socialize, have fun, eat a meal and sometimes they can do personal care such as bathing. Don't hesitate to utilize any service that your mom will quality for, this will give you some peace of mind and a much needed break.
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In dealing with my Moms expenses I find that I will be moving to an apartment one of these days. This way my girls will not have to deal with a sale of a house. Hopfully our investments will help with long care if we need long term.
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Do the math--nursing home, or memory care unit within an assisted living center, is going to cost (in our area) $8,000 per month.
If you can rely on her to stay in home (not needing to be locked inside, which is what they do in memory care, it's not cruel it's what's needed), not wandering around outside or down the block, you will be paying less to have caregivers come in to your home. Also consider combination with day care, some nursing homes have a day - only program. But these are only for early dementia. They will do showers (at least the ones I've checked into). Eventually your mom will probably need NH care, so make sure she has her funeral prepaid, and has spent any assets on her own care--gifting or extravagant spending is not allowed within 5 years of Medicaid.
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I hired a woman, from Church, who worked as an aide. We agreed on $10 an hour and she comes 3xs a week. She went to school with my daughter.

Everyone talks about NH but unless you have the money up front, its not easy to get them in on Medicaid. I had a friend whose Mom lived in her own home but was showing signs of AD. When being taken to the hospital she had bit her daughter and the EMT. Eventually, the woman was in rehab. The daughter called our facility upset, she didn't know what she was going to do when her Mom was released. I told her to have her Mom evaluated while in rehab. She did and her Mom was put in the nursing section. Its really hard to go from home to NH and expect Medicaid to pay
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The only financial assistance that I am familiar with is when the parent pays their grown child to be their caregiver. You would need to draw up an employment contract stating the number of hours you will be working, what days you will have off, and the hourly rate. Either your Mom or you will have to pay payroll taxes.

Whatever you do, do not cut back on your work. You need money for your own retirement. If you need help with caring, contact your local council on Aging in your area, they might have some type of program where they could at least send our a bath aide for your Mom.

If your Mom is on Medicaid, call your State Medicaid office to see if they have a program where they could send a professional Caregiver, from an Agency, to help out with your Mother. Or help out by placing your Mom into a nursing home so that you could continue to work full-time. Also ask the Medicaid office if the State had a "Cash and Counseling program" that you could benefit from.
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