I do not know what to do to help my mother or what to tell her. Her husband has been in a rehab facility the last 15 days. He is not getting better so they are sending him home.
My mother cannot take care of him. She has a broken arm in 3 places (had surgery on it 2.5 weeks ago) plus I think she has had a stroke or something recently (she is not comprehending things very well).
I was given the advice that she needs to tell everyone UNSAFE DISCHARGE. And all she is told is that her options are for him to go home or be sent to a nursing home (she or I can not afford that).
I can't imagine what other scenario you might have in mind.
If your mother can not care for him at home - DO NOT ALLOW HIM TO GO HOME!
He must be transferred to a skilled nursing facility!
A social worker may have already met with him or a family member to assess his financial ability to pay for medical care, and will prompt him to apply for Medicaid, which WILL pay for his nursing home stay.
Have him transferred now, and use his current insurance, medicare, whatever has been paying for the rehab stay, while the medicaid application is being processed. If a medicaid application is pending, most nursing homes will allow the balance due to carry for a few months, assuming they will get paid once approved.
It sounds as if your mother should not be on her own at home. Do they own their home? They could sell it and move as a couple to an assisted living property.
You don't give much detail as to your mother or her husband's condition, age, or likelihood of living independently. Remember that a nursing home placement is not a life sentence! He will be taken care of for now. And if his condition improves and your mother heals adequately, and she wishes to bring him home again, she can.
Get a social worker’s advice that your father is in an Unsafe Discharge condition and cannot return home. He belongs in an NH or AL. And, don’t sign the rehab discharge documents, please, as your mother is unable to care for her husband/your father.
If his funds are running out soon, apply to obtain your father Medicaid.
These are some of the most important words in the Eglish language:
"Unsafe discharge. There is no one at home to take care of him."
Let the nursing home people say whatever they want to make you feel guilty. It's their job to TRY to get a family member to meet him at home and take over his care. When that doesn't work, they will start the process to have him placed.
Another lesson learned:
Do not sign up for "Medicare ADVANTAGE". There is NO advantage. Use original medicare.
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/what-to-do-when-other-person-at-home-can-not-take-care-of-a-person-
Here is the thing, he cannot come home now.
He has to go into care.
That care will be self pay if he has funds for it.
Mother will need (with your help) to consult attorney on how to do division of assets as he may not be returning home/able to return home.
If he has assets there will be no way to get free care.
If he doesn't he will have to go on Medicaid. But there simply is no good answer to needing care. When you need care your assets go to pay for your care. And when you have no assets there are programs to apply for aid.
You need now to work with discharge planning.
Coming home is not now an option.
Sorry. I know this is distressing. But we can't change it.
Only the Discharge Planning at the facility can change this.
THOSE ARE THE TWO OPTIONS
and in all truth there is no option because he cannot return home.
So the option now is placement and you have to work out how that can be done.
Refer back to your original question and Igloo's answers.
Every facility is required by law to post information about how to contact social services. This would be the route to get help getting him placed on Medicaid.
I am sorry to say it but, here is their crisis that forces change.
Sounds like you need to step in an advocate for both of them, do you have the POA authority to do so?
If not, you should contact the rehabilitation discharge planner and tell them that intervention is needed in this unsafe discharge and they need to contact the state to get the legal ball rolling to get these 2 people the appropriate care they need.