Follow
Share

Today he slept all the day, at 8 pm said he was going to get the mail which is other side of apartment complex. I said it is too far to walk. He uses a walker, does not know how to get to mail, was adament that he could do it, I worry that he will try to go out when I fall asleep. Any ideas how to change this? He thinks we have to go out everyday.

Janpatsy1,

This life with our loved one(s) is a daily challenge. The challenge is there for both the caregiver and the loved one with dementia. Our world is changing and we crave it to be what it was, but we see how and why it's different. Our loved one's world is changing, but he doesn't see that and if he does, he is likely to not say so. For us - this is something we will always want to "fix", but we can't.
For him - there lies an undercurrent of constant fear, confusion, a sense of weariness but a desire to "do" what comes next.
For your husband, and my father (and I suspect many men), the mail must be gotten. Everyday, we must go out. It's the next thing! His duty is his life, but his abilities of course are dwindling. There will be a time that he will no longer remember, "we must get the mail." When that time comes, you'll miss this time. I know I do. I miss my dad arguing with me about his truck keys when he was no longer driving. I miss him saying he will help my mom with her bath, when he couldn't. I miss him elbowing me as I helped him walk, "Let go of me!" He's gone now, and so are my daily frustrations. Now, I'm left wishing for more time.

Advice? Go with him. Be cheerful. Push yourself to be in his world. Get help, hire someone to be with him, at least one day every week. Take some time for yourself. Agencies are very helpful. At first, you'll feel the need to monitor them, but try to back away and trust them-take your time to re-charge. You'll need it.
More than anything, love him. Accept him. Don't try to correct him. For example: Instead of telling him it's too far to walk, tell him you need support to walk with him to mailbox, so would he help you and sit in the transport chair for the trip to mailbox.
Many others will have great suggestions on this forum.
Bottom line - you can still enjoy each other, if you change your thinking about him now. Let his changes, guide you. My best to you both.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to tggator
Report

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter