How do you let someone you've been taking care of for the past 8 months know that you need a break?

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The lady that I care for in my home is 95. My husband and I have taken care of her and her farm for over 20 years. She has been able to live on her own until last Sept. She was in the hospital for a week with congestive heart failure, kidney failure and several other things. She was in such shape that she and her dr decided she should be on hosparus. It didn't look good for her. But as time went on she started improving. She Is still not able to live on her own and will probably never be able to. Our youngest daughter is getting married in less than 3 weeks. The wedding is out of town. I have someone to care for her for 2 days but I would like to have the whole week. I just need a break. I feel guilty and don't know how to tell her. She doesn't even know we are planning on sending her anywhere. I don't think she realizes we're going to have to be gone for 2 days

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She is able to be alone for a few hours at a time so I am able to go for a walk once in a while. My husband is here on weekends if I need to take a whole day. It just will be nice to have the house to ourselves for a few days. To not have to empty the bedside pot. To not have to have the tv up so loud. To be able to just leave. I'm really really looking forward to a week off.
I will take your advice and tell her about 3 days ahead of time. She will be mad. There's no doubt about that. But I guess she'll get over it. Thanks to all of you. It's nice having somebody to talk to.
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judyab,

Of course you deserve a break! Take a break often. You don't have to go out of town but take an afternoon for yourself. Are you able to find care for this old gal while you're gone?

I agree about not springing it on her way ahead of time. She may fret and work herself up into an agitated state which you will have to deal with. But you don't want to wait till the last minute either. 3 days might be a good amount time to give her a heads up. Much of it depends upon her temperament and how she deals with things.
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She was discharged from Hospice about 2 weeks ago so I'm on my own with this. It really feels good to have someone tell me it's ok to take a break. I feel like I shouldn't mention it to her till closer to time. What do you guys think about that?
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Pam is correct. Hospice does provide respite care to provide rest and relief to caregivers. Do contact them about this.

You probably know this woman well enough to be correct in your prediction. She will be mad. That is Not Your Fault. It is her impairments that are preventing her from living on her own, not you. Reassure her how much you care, and that you will be back. Let her be mad, but don't take it personally. Enjoy your week away!
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If she is on Hospice, they do provide respite care. Ask Hospice to help.
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Thank you for your advice. I know when we tell her, she is going to be mad. Not because we're leaving , but because she wants to go home. I can hear her now. I sure hope I can take the whole week. I do think it will help my sanity!
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I'm sort of new to all of this so I don't have the experience of many others but I do know that the best way to tell someone something that will likely disappoint them is to keep is simple and honest. Assure her that you will return and that she will be well cared for while you are away.
I think that you should take the week and try to enjoy every minute. You will return refreshed and that's good for everyone involved. Congratulations on your youngest daughters upcoming nuptials!
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