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This is new to me and I feel I've fallen off a precipice with Navigating Medicaid mindfield, mom lives off SS, no assets, has been moved from her life-long hometown and wants to GO HOME (is that too much to ask?). Home is 2.5 hours away from me and I've used all vacation running down there to tend to her. I've moved her into a facility near me (as of 5 days ago), have had to have her dog put down because no one to care for it, which was/is gutwrenching for me, and I'm all alone in this living h*ll. Right now, what I mostly need is emotional support; once I pull myself together, I'll need more technical and logistical support. But for now, I need a lifeline.

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I can relate to putting your moms dog down. I know that couldn't have been easy for you. Hank (hankie, hankers) a female was a main reason for us to take mom home. She really missed mom and vica versa. Mom passed in April. Baby girl Hank, just yesterday. Hankie had oral cancer (diagnosed 3 yrs ago) and it was to the point of restricting her breathing. We knew we would have to put her down when it became painful for her. (And, Maggie, you have given me too much good advice and moral support for me to have believed you meant your above statement. So out of character for you! ((((hugs)))....) Jannell, please try to find some comfort in knowing that while none of us are physically there to help or hug you, we are ALL here for you and you really are not alone in this! ((((((hugs to you too))))))
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Jannell, forgive my abrupt reply. My brain understands that my love for my animals is often over the top, but my heart doesn't always listen. If I could delete my post, I would do so. Please accept my apology.

It's late here...I'm over-tired (from a relatively sleepless night of care-giving, by the way)...and I simply didn't think before I typed.

Mea culpa.

(Thanks, Littletonway. You're exactly right.)
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We are not here to judge. Sometimes tough decisions have to be made in tough times.
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You lost me when you put down a faithful friend.
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Janelle - Try not to be so hard on yourself - this caregiving is unchartered territory for most of us. I have experienced all the feelings you mentioned and can empathize with all of it. It is one of the most difficult responsibilities we have to take on. The psychological and physical ramifications for caregivers is underrated if one has not experienced it first hand.

What I learned was to do the best you can do. It might not be always appreciated, valued and often criticized. Please know you are not alone. It is difficult to take on by yourself; but often when others are involved and don't agree with what you are doing - it can be twice as stressful. Both from unsolicited advice and from those family members that simply don't want to be involved.

I'm so sorry you had to put the dog down - especially all on your own - as you said that is gut wrenching.

Bless you for all you are doing for your mother and hugs across the miles. Take care of yourself as best you can.
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One thing I keep telling caregivers is that this is a marathon and not a sprint. So you have to pace yourself for the long haul. Don't try to do so much that you wear yourself out in the first mile of the race. Do what you can do and know that it's enough. Get support where you can (this website is a wonderful help to understand your problems are common and you are NOT alone).

Take care of yourself - get some physical exercise, try to get enough sleep, reduce your stress in other areas of your life if possible, so that you can manage the extra stress of caregiving. You have a new normal now and you just have to do the best you can. Reach out here often to ask questions, get answers or just to vent. We understand! Hugs to you as you start on this journey.
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Care giving is by far, the hardest thing I've ever done. I'll give you some ideas on how I've made threw. There is a good thing that has occurred, I'm now a regular church going person. I've turned to God to help me. I read devotionals, there is one book and it has been a life saver for me, and it's called "Jesus Calling". The book is 50% off at Costco $6.99. That book is excellent!! I listen to Christian radio and watch Christian TV. I've had to go to see a social worker, and a doctor for anti-depressants (which I'm no longer needing). Going for a walk is so, so, important, at least 30 minutes. I attend church on Sunday, and occasional Bible Study on Thursdays.
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The guilt, lonliness, depressions fear, anxiety are giving me the hardest time of my life now. Now that I am not afraid to speak on this website and am finding lots of helpful storys and suggestions. I have gone a step further and call my moms pcp to ask him what free services are available. They sent over a PT, OT and a social worker. They brought plenty of information with them. The OT came today but we had to let her go because the exercises were way to painful for mom but this lovely wonderful woman asked if she could help me out. She offered to take me to my therapist on her own time! and she said that she wants to call and come over again on her own time. There are many wonderful services available through your healthcare provider. You who have been on here for a while probably know this already. But it is all new to me. I call the Alzheimers assoc. at 9 pm the other night just to have someone to talk to and they helps with suggestions and they just listened . I found another Caregiver Resource Center in Orange County California and they sent someone out today for 2 hours and just shared what they had been through and to see what they can do for the caregiver. We all know the better mental health we the caregivers are in, the better our moms will feel better. I feel so happy to have this information. If anyone wants to know more about what I am talking about, please let me know. I would be honored to be more helpful to you as you are all helpful to me.
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Well jane youre not alone! putting the dog down that would break my heart! I am living at home in mums house she has vascular dementia and i have been here for five years now. yep its all there Guilt,stress,sorting out their papers,docs,apts its like you need an assistant to help!
TRY? and look at the positives shes SAFE shes near you AND youre not caring for her 24/7. Its all new to you so give yourself a break and time to deal with her going into a home first! I know mum may have to go into one soon as im finding this stressful and have siblings who dont help much they have no idea how hard this is!
Youre mums being looked after so try and get the paperwork sorted while shes adapting to the home maybe do not visit too much in the beginning i know that sounds harsh but i know alot here were told to give them time to adjust! Of course they want to go home they think they can do everything but they cant trying to tell them that is just exhausting they just dont get it.
There will be others here to help you as mum is not in a home yet? But we know how you feel. I think you will eventually get used to this and so will your mum also they could be happy there but put on an act for you?
Its all too much and early days just take it easy and do it little by little it will all turn out in the end and you will find us all here in the same boat!

Hugs its hard but shes now closer to you so thats a bit less stressful!
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