Is nastiness toward my husband and sometimes me a sign of alzhimerz's?


My mother has always had a nasty streak. I have noticed of late that she can't remember where she puts things & thinks someone is coming into her house and stealing her jewelry and having a hard time keeping finances straight. Her nastiness is worse at night and she often doesn't remember it the next day. She is nasty to my husband and he and I fight quite frequently. He says he has had enough and is ready to leave. She has not been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. my Dad has Alzheimer's. Parkinson's and I go there morning and night to get him up and put him to bed. She has a hard time accepting Dad's problems let alone facing she may have Alzheimer's. I haven't brought it up because when her dr. Asked her questions, she felt I had said something to her which I had not. I am at a loss. I do not want to loose my husband but feel a sense of responsibility to them they have no friends as dad got sick shortly after they moved here. My only sister lives out of state and is not around to help. My mother also refuses to bring in help. Do you think she is in the beginning stages of Alzheimer's? What can I do to help make my relationship more solid with my husband without feeling guilty that I am abandoning my parents!

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Yes. People with Alzheimer's are frustrated because of their limitations so take their anger out on others. A good friend who was just moved to an Alzheimer's facility pushed or hit someone the other day as he's very proud and didn't want anyone helping him.
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I sure don't know if your mother has Alzheimer's but her behavior is consistent with dementia.

If you haven't said anything to her doctor, perhaps it is time that you do. Unless your mother has signed a waiver, the doctor will not be able to discuss her case with you, but he or she can listen or read your note. I am particularly concerned because your father needs care and it sounds like she is in not in a state herself that she can provide it. For your father's sake as well as for her own, something needs to change in that household. I think a starting point is to contact her doctor.

Especially since she has always had a nasty streak I can see why your husband is fed up with being treatedly badly by her. You can hardly say, "She can't help it. She has a disease," when to him it seems like she's always been this way.

Can you reduce the contact that your husband has with his mother in law to an absolute minimum? Can you spend pleasant time with him without discussing your parents? It is too bad he cannot be supportive of you in this situation, but perhaps the history is such that hoping for that is not realistic. Is he supportive in other ways? Aside from conflicts over your parents, do you have a good marriage?

I wouldn't want you to abandon your parents, but you can see to it that both your parents have the care they need without personally providing it.
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