My mom is only 59 years old. She has a rarer disease called progressive Supranuclear Palsy. She lived with my 2 sisters through most of their adult lives and was removed from their care in July 2012 for neglect by protective service workers. They of course have a different view of the happenings which I now can see they may have had a point because nothing anyone does for my mom is ever enough. Nonetheless, when she was removed the worker called me to ask if I would be willing to take her in. Without hesitation, i did so.
She was with me until she had a TIA in February. It was the hardest challenge I ever had to face in my life. I work a full time job have 4 children and a husband. My mother wanted all my time and no matter how much I did or do, it was never enough and is still never enough now that she is in a NH. I am lucky to be able to work from home most of the week and she would accuse me of hiding in the room from her when I was actually doing my job. She would bend over in her wheelchair and fall numerous times throughout the day in which it took me 30 to 45 minutes to get her back in when I was supposed to be working. I am 98 pounds and she is 120 pounds of dead weight. Most days I felt like I was run over by a truck. She pooped herself alot and would completely cause a poop massacre all over the bathroom and rather than thanking me for cleaning her and the bathroom all i would get was I deserve to have a cigarette I am stressed. It was always held over my head that I would not buy her cigarettes and that was because she sat there blowing smoke in my kids faces and would drop the cigarettes and burn everything in sight. She got to the point that I could barely leave the house without coming home to her on the floor and yelling at me for leaving her when it was her own fault she would fall for trying to do things she knows she shouldnt be doing. It is pretty hard to stay in the house with 4 kids that are in school and have activities on top of everything else a mother needs to get done.
Now she is in a NH due to the fact that the VNA basically told her she does not keep herself safe and her care is beyond my control. I know they are right and I wish mom would understand it too. I constantly get calls from her crying, blaming me for her being there and that I abandoned her. Now she says she will just get her own apartment and leave the NH since i dont want her. I try to make her understand that it has nothing to do with me not wanting her, but that she requires more care than i can give. She says how hard is it to just give me my pills everyday? She does not remotely accept the fact she is compeltely disabled, wheelchair bound and unable to do anything for herself. If she were to leave the NH and get an apartment, she would not last a day on her own, but I also know she is too much for me to handle as i need to be a mom, wife, and work. The way she treats me fills me with resentment, and my children resent her for the way they have seen her treat me after everything I have done for her. I hate that I feel that way, but I just cant help it. As soon as my grandparents needed assistance she did not hesitate to send them to a NH and never even tried to care for them so why does she blame me for everything when she didnt want to be bothered with her own parents? I tried hard..very hard and it is still never enough. I am trying to get her to understand she needs to be at the NH and she needs the care but she doesnt want to hear it. I understand it is hard for a 59 year old to lose their independence, but how do u get them to understand their disability and accept it? Any advice or support would be very much appreciated