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hardtocope Asked February 2021
Narcissistic, hoarder mom. Any advice on how to reach her?
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Thank you for this forum. I can't believe I see so many situations similar to mine. My mom was a hoarder and had a couple of properties, omg, it was awful. Being the only, I cleaned and sold them breaking my sanity and my back in the process. I sort of gave up my life to fix hers. And, my god she is vicious, can't take an ounce of criticism, continues to hoard but she is so nice to other people. I don't know where I am going with this, it was just so nice to see I'm not the only one with a mom who doesn't really act like one.
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AlvaDeer Feb 2021
We are so glad you are here. Does your Mom live with or near you? Is she competent? If so, I would caution you against becoming too involved. These folk are impossible to deal with without guardianship, and dealing is a life long crucible. Let the State handle is when it comes down to incompetency. Attempt to give what love you are able, and keep a bit of distance. So sorry this is on your plate, and you are so right about our see many others with this exact situation. I think that hoarding is actually under reported. My bro had a school teacher who did it, only two doors down from him, and I have a lovely gal up our street who does. It seems almost more common to me as society breaks down a bit, and as we form more and more an addiction to "stuff" as comfort.
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Geaton777 Feb 2021
You're definitely not the only one. Hoarding is a mental illness usually brought on by a trauma. I'm so sorry your mom is lost inside this personal prison. Have you thought about talking to a therapist who works with hoarders so that you can learn appropriate boundaries to protect yourself while still having to engage with your mom? I wish you healing and peace in your heart.
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Lostinspringer Feb 2021
I’m sorry I don’t have a answer. I do not have it that bad, but since my dad died my mother is driving me crazy. She is a hoarder and without knowing it she likes to argue. She has a excuse for every thing. If I pay attention and try to be a good son, I’m over barring, if not then I evidently don’t care. I think she will only be happy if I die of a heart attack before she’s passes. She did not want me the day I was born and now only wants me under certain conditions. I hope my kids remember me for more that that.
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stilldealing1 Mar 2021
Focus on being a kind and loving father to your own children, before turning your attention to your mother. You may want to do some internet reading about 'narcissistic mothers". You may recognize some of your mother's behaviors/traits, and your own reactions/feelings to those. For example, your mother never being happy with whatever you do, always having an 'excuse' (never taking responsibility for her own actions), and so forth. Unfortunately, there is no cure for these behavior traits, but at least you may understand more what to expect, and then limit your relationship/time with your mother to what YOU are comfortable with, not what SHE wants. Perhaps her behaviors are magnified toward you, since your father is now gone? Remember, you come first. If her behaviour towards you causes you more stress than you want to absorb, consider stepping back. I wish you well.
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