I assume this is just life, but don't know. I have posted before but maybe I just need to vent or feel like I am not invisible. Are these things normal? Am I handling it right?
A couple years ago my dear husband was diagnosed with cancer. I cannot express the anxiety. I had been wanting to have a baby, but am realizing that is a dream I will be unable to fulfill. The grief is like a constant companion nobody sees.
Around the same time as the cancer diagnosis, it became clear the changes in mom were caused by dementia. Dad is in denial, crying frequently, and needing support emotionally and with practical things. Mom has narcissistic behaviors and older sister is an amplified version of her. The two of them triangulate and dad just goes along and things are never in my favor. In an attempt to get peace in my life, I stopped contact with my sister 7 months ago. As for the parents, I live an hour away and have done a lot, but just can't anymore.
Over the summer golden child sister had an 80th birthday party for our mom while my husband and I were out of town so we were excluded. Parents said I should have rearranged my schedule to meet sister's timing. Then, sister's adult son got married and the family blew into a rage that I accepted the invitation while I was at "odds" with my sister. Sister threatened to un-invite me unless I made up to her. I explained you don't aggressively demand such a thing and if sister wanted to un-invite me it would be her decision. Through our parents, I heard she was calling me undeserving and angry. Parents said she was just hurt (narcissistic rage is a better description) that I had been ignoring her. Parents are angry with me and want me to apologize.
So, I have been no contact with my parents for almost 2 months and no contact with golden child sister for 7 months. I am not mad at anyone, I just need peace. I need a healthy environment for my life and my husband. I have heartbreak about all of this as I am the one who bears the weight of drawing the line. I have educated myself on the role of a family scapegoat and it is my life. Our dear little pet kitty died a couple weeks ago, and we adopted a kitten from a shelter who seems adorable. I am doing yoga and cooking healthy foods, and even decorating our home to bring positive "chi" energy. I feel better overall. I am practicing acceptance and forgiveness. Just hope I've got this right.
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