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There are some of you who say you had to let the relationship with your sibling (s) go because you felt they weren't doing enough to help you with the parents. Some of you say you have moved on from the relationships. Yet I read on these posts that many of you describe your siblings in very bitter ways: narcissistic, pathetic, toxic, lazy, selfish, etc. It seems to me that some of you are still holding onto those high expectations and are very unwilling to let go of your anger, disappointment, and resentment towards your siblings. In other words, you act as if you have moved on, but you really haven't. If this is so, I believe you will always be suffering. If you have true acceptance and forgiveness--maybe some unconditional love for those people whose behavior you can't control, you might feel less stress, less toxicity around you, and move your life in more positive directions. As for myself, I dwelled in the drama of hating someone to keep the pity party going for a while. I realized that is wasn't healthy behavior, because number one, it was a waste of my time. They could care less how I was feeling. They had moved on in their lives. Two, it did nothing to improve the situation. There wasn't any less of a burden, and the anger controlled every aspect of my life. I tried to flip a switch but my mind would always came back to the resentment I felt.

I don't mean this to be patronizing towards anyone. Being a caregiver is a tough enough. I'm just thinking that the people who have truly found peace in a tough situation are the posters that talk about true forgiveness and love. Hate just blocks anything good from coming your way.

(Venting to release your pent up emotions is another thing, and a great way to relieve stress.)
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jacobsonbob Sep 2018
This reminds me of a saying I heard or read some years ago: "Holding a grudge is allowing someone you don't like to live rent-free in your mind."
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Thank you everyone for replying. I have read through all your posts with a grateful heart and many hot cups of coffee. Approaching 50 years of age doesn't come without travelling peaks and valleys. I suppose, if we are lucky, we learn and grow through those experiences. I am choosing to not let anyone take the peace that resides in my heart. For some reason, it seems some people closest to us are only satisfied if they think they have snuffed it out. I'll never understand it. I will continue on my path of peace and love. Blessings to you all.
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Ah, I understand. Same dynamic in my family, with me as the scapegoat. Your situation is much more amplified however. I feel for you, and it sounds like you are doing everything right. I never had any luck getting my family, my golden child sister especially, to see things differently no matter how absurd her actions are. Keep up the fantastic life! Sounds like you have it together! Have you read A Time to Heal by Timmon Cermak? It put me on the road to greater understanding and healing. Best book out there in my opinion. https://www.amazon.com/Time-Heal-Recovery-Children-Alcoholics/dp/0380707225
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You might enjoy CoDependents Anonymous meetings. We talk about these issues.
BetseyP
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Hi ginger
you are doing what’s best for you and your hubby. He is your life partner not them. I’m from a narcissistic disfunctional family and I’m the one that has suffered because I never wanted to cut ties. At one time I was the golden child but now since there is no one left but me my husband and son, I’m the hateful selfish daughter. We told my mom three weeks ago that after living with us for over 8 years it was time for her to think about independent living. Our lives have been hell since that day. My point is you need to do what’s best for you and your hubby. You’re not doing anything wrong except getting mentally healthier and you should be commended for that. BRAVO. When is enough, enough? I think you know the answer now. Keep doing what you’re doing to make you happy healthy and sane
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Worry less and listen more...
You are not obligated in any way...
"We" put soooooo much guilt on ourselves....I am an only child of Catholic, Italian parents....and I am 60 years young...Never had a life of my own...and now taking care of my father...soooooooo we are all singing to the choir!!!! Start NOW..live YOUR life
xo
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Rosses003 Oct 2018
I’m 45, very similar situation to yours. I know I have not had a life in my 45 years of life, and I know I’m very afraid to get to where you’re and feel I had a life yet didn’t live it, but at least I know, in my heart, that even though I’m not necessarily living my life the way most would undertand one should ‘live’ life, I’m doing what is right, at least what per my book is right. Feeling that one is doing the right thing, according to each one of us, is living life in a way that at least brings peace to our paths.
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