I'm so exhausted, I can barely write this post, but I'm in desperate need of some answers, help and/or support.
Hi! Here's a little of my story:
I am a 47 year old single female and I am the daughter and only child of a narcissistic mother.
My mother is the epitome of a narcissist.
Since I was a child, I have been trying to deal and cope with the emotional, mental, and in my case, financial abuse that comes with having a narcissistic parent and my relationship with my mother has been very contentious my entire life. I knew in my early twenties that I had a narcissistic mother, but I had no resources or support to help me deal. I basically have just been going thru life appeasing her and taking the abuse.
Due to a recent loss of employment and finances, I temporally moved in with my mother and step-dad. I have been living there for about 6 months.
I am now have entered the single most strenous challenge of my life: My mother had be diagnosed with Stage 4 Lung Cancer and is terminally ill. It has only been 2 weeks since her diagnosis and I'm already in verge of a breakdown. My blood. pressure has now elevated to 194/112.
After a small stay in the hospital, she was sent home with bi-weekly home health care until her appointment with the Oncologist to discuss the next plan of action.
Since then, my enabling step-dad (who panders my mother and facilitates her abuse towards me and has no clue about narcissistic behavior or just is in some kind of denial) has self-appointed me, along with the home health nurses, as one of her "FULL-TIME" caregivers.
As expected, her typical behavior and abuse has continued but on a grander scale.
Today she has been screaming that she was in agonizing pain, (I am not minimizing any pain she is having whatsoever, it breaks my heart to know and see her in pain). She refused to go to the hospital because she does not want to "sit in the waiting room all damn day".
My dad called the Oncologist and he suggested we bring in Hospice. The doctor called the hospital to make the arraignments with Hospice.
I told my mother that arraignments have been made for someone to come in and take care of and manage any pain she was dealing with. She then went into a total rage of screaming and demanding that my dad call them back and cancel. By law, she legally has the right to refuse any treatment
Since then I have been summoned to my room by my dad for upsetting my mother. Although they both treat me like a 5 year old, I was secretly happy to get away from the whole situation. I do not know if my dad consented (his usual course of action) to her and canceled. I have since been told that he did not call them to cancel and I'm sure she will consent to Hospice once they are here as she is a totally different person around others.
Meanwhile, as I'm writing this, my dad came to tell me that my mom wanted to see me and give me a kiss. I went downstairs, sat beside her and told her that I was there for her, that I loved her, and that everything was going to be ok. I put a cold towel on her head to calm her down a little. She started to tell me something but I could not understand what she was saying. I asked her again what she was saying and she then yelled, "A PUFF, P-U-F-F-. GET ME A GOD DAMN CIGARETTE'. Are you serious??? I couldn't believe it. It then hit me....she didn't want me there to give her a kiss or whatnot, she wanted a God damn cigarette.
What pains me in all this is that my step-dad, (whom I love dearly) does not get it whatsoever. He will not concede to the fact that he married a total narcissist and that I'm not, "sick in the head' as he puts it for even suggesting the fact. To add salt to the injury he just make things worse for us by yelling, questioning and demanding things from me and then proceeds with giving me a guilt trip if I don't comply.
I now am in my room, anxiously awaiting for Hospice in hopes of some help for not only my mother, but for me as well.
Please, I am open to any comments, suggestions, and resources anyone can give me. Also if anyone would like to send me some Xanax via Western Union, feel free to do so :)
Thanks for reading!