Follow
Share

I have a mom who really nags and is reckless with her words. I am her first son but not first born. When I started to work my father did not have a good job so I took over most of his responsibilities, like paying fees for my brothers and a sister. My mother never appreciated. I got married and my wife stayed with the rest of the family whilst i was in town. My mom would not allow her to give our son even porridge with peanut butter so I had to buy butter again she would be bitter saying to my wife you hide food. I got tired and took my wife away.
She came with my father at my work place and said she has asked him to quit his job they go home to live together. I dissuaded my daddy to do it but my mother retorted 'are you afraid to look after your brothers' at which I said I have been doing it even as he is employed. I told him that he won't survive the rural life and people but he was convinced and quit his job went to rural areas, and within a year and half he was given laced beer and passsed on. meanwhile ever month I would sent groceries home despite the fact that I was now staying with my wife and kids in town. My mother would tell anybody who cared that I am abusing tenants; money. (there is a family house in town but I don't stay there and I did not even knew the tenants and how much they paid my small sister and brothers collected the money) Even telling her in front of the other children that I don't touch that money she would insist until my young brother got a job and started to stay at the house. Now some of my brothers older than him do not want him to stay at that house so they are now using my mother as a weapon against him and she is giving him grief now that his employment was terminated abruptly and he is now surviving from his wife's little earnings I know he cannot afford to move out. He is the one who is with her who feeds her who has to run with her to the clinic when sick, ( she actually tell neigh ours she is sick and he only knows it from them) but she still unhappy with him. She now lumps us together yet when she is sick she does not look for help from these other brothers but from me and him. We are getting agitated with her and almost giving up. Anybody with ideas.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
I am from Africa and the first advice on this list is taken. I will try that one. Thank you all who did respond to my call.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

From reading your question, I presume you are not from the United States or UK. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. But it sounds like this is cultural in where you live or raised and your elders pretty much rule the family. It's not normally like that in the U.S. We respect our elders, but we do our best to not let them run our lives. Sometimes they try, and we have to stand up for ourselves and tell them they will not do that. Sometimes it helps but sometimes it alienates them. It's up to the individual in what they are willing to deal with. So the same thing is really up to you and your brother too. But if you do stand up for yourself, it may mean you will never see your mother again. Good luck!!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

It sounds like you're from a different culture than American, am I right? If so, then that makes a difference as to how, at least for myself, might respond to your question. I know Asian cultures for example are much different than Americans, so whatever we suggest may not work for that person. So when if I were to suggest that you kids need to leave your mother to her own devices and let her figure it out for herself for a change, you might think I'm crazy if you were from a different culture. Right?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Time to set boundaries for your sanity. You have done much for your parents during hard times it sounds and now your mom continues to guilt everyone or pit sibs against one another. Walk away.

Sit down with her and tell her you will no longer participate in these games. Tell her, she knows where to find you when she truly needs help and is willing to make changes in her life. Tell her you will take her to the doctor, you will make sure she gets the hired help she needs or help her move to a care facility but you will not support any controlling behavior, whining, or causing strife among sibs. Tell her you will call to check on her once a week. Then stick to it.

Move on with your life, love your family and devote yourself, time, emotions and finances to YOUR loved ones where it means something and is appreciated and will make a difference.

Let go of the person (Mom) you cannot change. Do right by your sibs, but don't enable them either. She will gravitate to the children that will do what she wants when she wants. Don't get sucked in and the life sucked out of you.

It doesn't mean you don't love and care for her; it just means that you need to set your own emotional and financial boundaries. You can help in constructive ways without having to be full time caregiver to someone not willing to face reality or help themselves unless its their way.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter