My wife's behavior changed a lot but she does not want to go see a doctor for diagnosis and treatment. What should I do?

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Hello and thank you for sharing your experiences here. Here is my story, my wife is 52 years old, lately her behavior changed a lot she does not want to go see a doctor for diagnosis and treatment. She is accusing me of stealing her clothes then bringing them back, she thinks I hired the garbage company to spy on her and that I have cameras all over to spy on her, she started to be violent too and is demanding from me to acknowledge and apologies for doing all of that and she said I am crazy. What should I do? I feel so helpless, please advice.

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Crikey.

I really do think you need to tell a doctor about this.

The other symptoms you describe almost sound as though she had some kind of brain "event" - maybe a haemorrhagic stroke, if a small blood vessel or aneurysm burst, or something like that. I'm only guessing, I am NOT qualified, but if some lasting brain damage was done it could explain why not all the symptoms went away even over this length of time.

As an incentive to help you worry less about annoying her or confronting her, just think how much better you will feel once you know she's getting the attention she needs - and think how much better she will feel if it turns out there are positive things that can be done to help her and keep her from getting worse, such as medication or therapy.

At least call and get advice from a doctor about what to do, including how to coax her into getting seen.
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Reply to Countrymouse
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With dementia there is something called "show timing" which means that the sufferer can appear normal and interact with others for certain periods of time.
The main thing to keep in mind is that if this does turn out to be dementia IT IS NOT HER FAULT. She can not control her negative behavior hurtful as it may be for you and your son.
Is there anything her employer can do to help you get her an evaluation? She is young as CM says for dementia but if this is the case there are medications that may slow down the progression at least for a while.
I am so sorry you are facing this, I am afraid it will be a long haul for you. Talk to a legal expert now and get all your legal papers in order. maybe if you both make wills and advanced care directives she will agree to do it. If you are considering Long Term Care insurance do it now because with a diagnosis she will be refused
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Reply to Veronica91
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Maybe at least one thing you could do now is to start keeping a log of any off behavior, recording any of it on your phone if possible to be able to show a doctor eventually.
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Reply to SnoopyLove
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Unfortunately she trust none, and with family members or friends she knows how to dissimulate, she will listen to nobody not even our son and that is why I feel lonely and helpless. I do have a job and she has a part time job that she hates and don't know how long she will keep it.
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Reply to lonelyhelpless
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Is there anyone that she does trust that may help intervene? A sister, close friend or member of the clergy? It seems to me she should see a neurologist as well as an internist. BUT you need an outlet as well! Do you go to work? Does she? (though I don't know how).
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Reply to geewiz
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I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through, Lonelyhelpless. I'm not sure what a spouse should do in a case like this... Her symptoms to me (and I am not a medical professional) sound like they could be one of any number of medical problems, and that she desperately needs a comprehensive medical exam and probably a lot of testing to find out just what is going on.

Just thinking aloud here, could you make an appointment with a doctor and just take her to it without explaining before hand? Or is she "with it" enough to see through that? Is there anyone outside the family that she trusts, like a pastor or family friend, that she might let accompany her to an appointment?

I assume she can't work. Is there a way to get her to go to the doctor by framing it as an part of the process of obtaining disability benefits?

Wow, this is really difficult and I feel for you and your family.
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Reply to SnoopyLove
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Thank you so much for reply. At this point i try to understand what I am facing, how can I define, what can I do for her...for us. We been married for more than
thirty years. First change came about 6-7 years ago when she became very suspicious on every thing with no reasons but will eventually calm down, back then she complain about headache and like electrical sparks in the brain, she had minor changes on vision and also for couple days had balance issues, then recovered. Me and my son tried very hard to make her to see an doctor and she had appointment to have an MRI but cancel it right before. She does not want to go see doctor any more and has no trust in medical services and also she will not share how she feels. Years passed and I adjusted myself so will help her not raising suspicions, actually ending not going by myself even for minor shopping. Is been almost an year now that every day she is yelling at me
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Reply to lonelyhelpless
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Perhaps a good first step would be to call your own doctor and tell him/her exactly what you've told us.

You might want to explain:
When you first noticed these changes in your wife's behaviour
Whether it's getting worse
Whether it comes and goes, so that one day she's herself and the next she's climbing the walls
Whether you've noticed any other problems or changes - how is her balance, has she changed her eating or bathing habits, that kind of thing
Does she have any medical history that you know about
Is there any relevant family history?

At 52 your wife is very young to be showing signs of dementia, but you are right to be concerned and it is important to get professional advice - very difficult without her co-operation, but that's all the more reason to get a doctor's opinion.

Best of luck, and please let us know how you're getting on.
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Reply to Countrymouse
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