It may be coming to a time when she requires long term care in a nursing home. It is often difficult for family members to get cooperations with activities of daily living, whereas when in care this just gets done, period. Only you can judge when this 24/7 care is too much for you.
Afternoon much prayer and discussion, we moved my wife into an assisted living facility. It was emotionally painful at first but it was the best thing for all of us. I can't believe how well the family has adjusted and how rested and stress free I feel.
It is surprising what someone else can do. If you can get a caregiver from an agency to come in to help with mornings getting dressed and if needed a shower. The caregiver can also do light housework so change the bed sheets or doing a load of your wife's clothes would fall into that task. Even if she puts up a fight about it this is what they get paid to do and makes them the "bad guy" not you. And I am sure you could use a bit of help anyway if you are caring for her on your own.
Does your wife change into PJ's for bed? If so take the clothes she took off and put them in the wash and put clean clothes in the place she left the soiled ones. My Husband would take off his clothes and put his PJ's on and then fold up the soiled ones and put them by his recliner. I would take the soiled ones and fold up clean ones and put them by his recliner. (when he was showering I would sneak into the bathroom and grab his underwear and PJ's to wash) At least he was showering!!
FIRST OFF- ANYBODY who is doing the kind of “caring” you are CAN NOT be “HomelyandBald”. I bet you have a smile that goes for miles and miles and miles, so THERE’S THAT.
But that said, should we assume that you take excellent care of her, while ALSO taking excellent care of yourself, or does caregiving consume most or all of your present life?
You know of course, that your wife is most likely well past the point where any kind of reasoning or coaxing is pretty meaningless.
So, some thoughts- is her clothing quick and easy to get in or out of? Does she already have, or an you get for her, garments that are basically the same style so that she can go from soiled to clean garments without having to replan how to do it? Does she have garments that come off and go on without fasteners (elastic, Velcro, large soft tie straps....)? Does she appear to demonstrate any preferences for any particular garment items?
Can you incentivize her dressing and undressing, using any favored activities? Soft music, small food treats, costume jewelry, scarves, any small pleasant reinforcer for desired action?
Do you have help in your home? Is it possible to distract her while someone else “helps” her dress?
How “combative” does she get? Could she harm you or herself? Have you considered an assessment by a physician who can offer a small dose of mood stabilizer?
Have you considered how long you can continue before you’ll need more help, and where and how you’ll acquire the help you need?
Hoping these comments may be food for thought for you.
Thank you for your encouraging words, My philosophy has become "Laugh when you can, cry if you must." I have some CNAs come and help with showers and she has shoved them a couple of times. This is totally foreign to her personality. My daughter and I have an appoinment next week to discuss moving her into a health care facility with a good program for Alzheimer's patients. Again, I appreciate your encouragement.
Late stage means different things to different people, is she still mobile and physically able to to change her own clothes? Some things to consider - perhaps she no longer recognizes you and is afraid to change in front of a strange man, allowing her privacy could help. She may be open to "trying on" a different outfit to "see if it still fits" (or whatever). Does she not want to change into night clothes to go to bed either - that's often a good opportunity to toss worn clothes directly into the washer. I'm guessing that bath/shower time is also a problem, sometimes having someone come in to help with that task works better then attempts by family members and it gets those clothes off once or twice a week. And something to consider when absolutely desperate, if you "accidentally" spill a large glass of water all down her front she will need to get into something dry.
I bet you love being able to just be her husband and do enrichment activities with her and not have to battle her.
God bless you and your family. Well done sir!
Does your wife change into PJ's for bed? If so take the clothes she took off and put them in the wash and put clean clothes in the place she left the soiled ones. My Husband would take off his clothes and put his PJ's on and then fold up the soiled ones and put them by his recliner. I would take the soiled ones and fold up clean ones and put them by his recliner. (when he was showering I would sneak into the bathroom and grab his underwear and PJ's to wash) At least he was showering!!
But that said, should we assume that you take excellent care of her, while ALSO taking excellent care of yourself, or does caregiving consume most or all of your present life?
You know of course, that your wife is most likely well past the point where any kind of reasoning or coaxing is pretty meaningless.
So, some thoughts- is her clothing quick and easy to get in or out of?
Does she already have, or an you get for her, garments that are basically the same style so that she can go from soiled to clean garments without having to replan how to do it?
Does she have garments that come off and go on without fasteners (elastic, Velcro, large soft tie straps....)?
Does she appear to demonstrate any preferences for any particular garment items?
Can you incentivize her dressing and undressing, using any favored activities? Soft music, small food treats, costume jewelry, scarves, any small pleasant reinforcer for desired action?
Do you have help in your home? Is it possible to distract her while someone else “helps” her dress?
How “combative” does she get? Could she harm you or herself? Have you considered an assessment by a physician who can offer a small dose of mood stabilizer?
Have you considered how long you can continue before you’ll need more help, and where and how you’ll acquire the help you need?
Hoping these comments may be food for thought for you.