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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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Jack, this isn't unusual at all. This from the internet which is loaded for your research on the subject:
"Noises like singing, humming, and moaning in dementia patients can be a form of communication for unmet needs or a response to agitation, anxiety, or pain. It can also be a self-soothing behavior or a result of brain damage affecting areas that control impulses and speech, such as the frontal lobes. On the other hand, familiar music and singing can reduce agitation, spark positive emotions, and stimulate memories. "
So you have a few avenues to explore here, and you should also discuss this with your wife's doc after you learn a bit more yourself. Some things like mild anti-anxiety drug or a low dose anti-depressant MAY help. Again, it may not. I truly agree with Lea. At some point this is survival. You cannot sacrifice yourself for your wife, causing your own agitation, sleeplessness and frustration. Not something you can afford to do. If you can't find an answer, then it is time to consider placement.
Jack, honestly, your wife needs to be placed now. You need a calmer environment and so does she. In Memory Care or Skilled Nursing, none of the caregivers are emotionally attached to the residents so if they hum, sing or make high pitched noises all day, nobody will get upset. It's par for the course. Losing your temper often makes for an unhappy environment for both of you at home. Release this tension by placing your wife so both of you can live in peace. Nobody did me any favors when I was a kid by having my grandma living in the house and watching my mother losing her temper all the time. Everyone would've benefited by grandma moving into managed care vs my mother playing the martyr role and all of us suffering.
There is no shame in admitting you can no longer do this. Dementia is a cruel condition which forces us to lose our loved ones in a terribly long goodbye. It's heart wrenching.
I agree that you need breaks. Adult daycare, aides in your home who can watch her so you can go elsewhere, or placement. But in the meantime, do any distractions help at all? For example, chewing gum?
Or have you tried headphones for yourself with music or a podcast as a temporary measure?
I’m concerned about you. What happens when you lose your temper? How does wife react? She must be frightened at times, and that isn’t good for anyone, much less a dementia patient. Check with your doctor about meds to keep you calm.
My husband has dementia, so I totally understand where you’re coming from. It’s difficult. But it really is unacceptable to lose your temper with your very sick wife because a steady diet of off-again on-again anger is harmful to the target of it.
I'm reminded of a woman that I met when I was a CNA. She was the sister-in-law of a couple I used to take care of and she had dementia. She talked absolute gibberish all the time. Talked constantly smiled and gestured and waved. Unfortunately the family kept thinking she needed speech therapy when actually dementia had robbed her of making sense when she spoke. It's challenging to be with someone with dementia 100% of the time. Like many on this site post.. Get in-home care so that you get breaks once in awhile. It is very difficult to be the sole caregiver for our loved ones.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
"Noises like singing, humming, and moaning in dementia patients can be a form of communication for unmet needs or a response to agitation, anxiety, or pain. It can also be a self-soothing behavior or a result of brain damage affecting areas that control impulses and speech, such as the frontal lobes. On the other hand, familiar music and singing can reduce agitation, spark positive emotions, and stimulate memories. "
So you have a few avenues to explore here, and you should also discuss this with your wife's doc after you learn a bit more yourself. Some things like mild anti-anxiety drug or a low dose anti-depressant MAY help. Again, it may not.
I truly agree with Lea. At some point this is survival. You cannot sacrifice yourself for your wife, causing your own agitation, sleeplessness and frustration. Not something you can afford to do.
If you can't find an answer, then it is time to consider placement.
I am so sorry you're dealing with this.
There is no shame in admitting you can no longer do this. Dementia is a cruel condition which forces us to lose our loved ones in a terribly long goodbye. It's heart wrenching.
Best of luck to you. You matter too.
Or have you tried headphones for yourself with music or a podcast as a temporary measure?
good luck!
I’m concerned about you. What happens when you lose your temper? How does wife react? She must be frightened at times, and that isn’t good for anyone, much less a dementia patient. Check with your doctor about meds to keep you calm.
My husband has dementia, so I totally understand where you’re coming from. It’s difficult. But it really is unacceptable to lose your temper with your very sick wife because a steady diet of off-again on-again anger is harmful to the target of it.
Get in-home care so that you get breaks once in awhile. It is very difficult to be the sole caregiver for our loved ones.