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My father-in-law is a successful farmer and can afford to pay for full-time in-home care. He is not able to live by himself but requires someone to cook, clean, wash, and transport him where he needs to go. My wife and I are not financially independent so we need to continue to have compensation coming in to pay bills and save for children's weddings, trips to see our children (who live 10 hours away), and other cost of living expenses. We have approached him and two of my wife's siblings about compensation and they accused us of being greedy, dishonoring, and taking advantage of the live-in situation because my father-in-law provides room and board for us. My wife and I do not feel the live-in situation is compensation because my father-in-law would have to provide for the expenses of a home if he were going to live in his house whether we were the caregivers or someone else were providing care. .I am very disheartened with this response and it affects my attitude when providing care. I have broken off relationships with my wife's siblings unless joint care giving decisions are necessary because of their perspective toward my wife and me. Please give me your https://www.agingcare.com/questions/147841/viewer.htmperspective on whether my wife and I should expect compensation for this full time care or if we are not being realistic in your opinion.

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mmoss,

You say that "we are spending 24/7 with my FIL", but you haven't made it clear that he actually NEEDS 24/7. In your first post you described him as "requires someone to cook, clean, wash, and transport him where he needs to go".

Therefore, it APPEARS that since you are living there, you are of course PRESENT 24/7. But if he had non-family paid caregivers, would 1 8-hour shift be enough care? Or 1 and a 1/2 shifts?

Regardless, as I see it:

A - Ideally, family caregivers would do paid caregiving at a significant discount. Eg 1/3 or so off.

B - It looks like there is no reason why you and / or your wife could not work full time jobs. Maybe that is what the family is thinking too. But it all depends on the level of care you are providing - which is not exactly clear from your posts.
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My comments really have more to do with satisfying the concerns of the whole family. Things get very "sticky" fast when money is involved.
You would be best served by putting everything on paper. It should show what you would pay for comparable room/board/utilities in your area. Then list what 24/7 care would cost your FIL in your area. (Most paid caregivers do not "live-in".) Then whatever the balance comes out to be is what you should be compensated. Your FIL should not pay more than he would with an agency and beyond what he can afford. Also, you are getting a "benefit" by living in his home rent free.
Just in comparison, most caregivers in the forum, who have parents living with them, do charge for r&b and not for caregiving because they are family.
If you feel the need to be compensated for your time, do your research, have a contract drawn up, and share it with your wife's family. It will avoid issues in the future. However, if the family does not see the advantage to your plan, they need to be the ones to come up with an alternative.
Also, you need to be aware of the tax implications because your FIL is now your employer. It may also impact his ability to qualify for various gov. benefits in the future, such as, Medicaid.
good luck...nothing is ever as simple as it seems
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Let's just say, for the sake of thinking this through, that you move out, and rent your own place. Maybe one of you takes on a part time job. Let's average the CG cost at about $16/hour.

Your FIL brings in shifts of caregivers to cover 24/7, for a cost of about $2700 per week. (Those caregivers each have their own homes elsewhere.)

If between you, you and your wife cover 8 hours a day, 7 days a week, you would be earning $900 per week (and paying your own living expenses elsewhere.)

Probably everyone involved would be better served if you and your wife take on the cg role 24/7, pay a fair share for room and board, and are compensated for your caregiving. You also need some time off, so some weekends or weeks will need to be covered by outside help, and your compensation would be less those weeks.

Can your FIL afford 24/7 care at the going rates? If not, what would he do if you were not in the picture?

You two are providing something like $2700 a week in services, so far in exchange for room and board. What are the other siblings contributing to father's care?

What would you expect to be paid, per week, in addition to room and board?

I have more questions than answers, but maybe they will help in thinking this through.
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Lilliput,
I understand what you are saying about the free room and board, however would he not have to provide the expenses if someone else were coming in to provide in home care. In home care givers in our area charge $11-20 per hour. If my FIL had to pay that he would potentially pay $264-480 per day. Since my wife and I provide total care it would only take a couple of days care to make up for the room and board. This is why I feel the consideration for compensation is reasonable.
Does the fact that my wife and I are children prohibit us from expecting compensation for full time care when we are spending 24/7 with my FIL?
I appreciate your response to my original question and would appreciate any further insight you might give.
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oops...I mis-read your post. It appears that you and your wife (and family?) are living on your FIL's property? Is that correct? If so, you do need to factor in what you would have to pay to rent a home. In essence, he is providing you free room and board whether he lives there or not . It is his property. If the cost of his care exceeds the fair amount for rent in your area (I assume he pays for food and utilities too) he should chip in a little more for in-home care you provide. But I do not think that he should be paying top dollar for his care if he is providing you a place to live.
I hope I understand this situation correctly.
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If you proceed with this plan, it is probably best to draw up a contract that states specifically what services are being provided and the compensation for those services. It is not out of the ordinary to charge for room and board. As you said, he would have to pay for that anywhere. It gets a little trickier for in-home care because that varies from day to day and as he ages he will need more help.
The main issue is to charge what is fair and at the going rate in your community. After all, he is getting one-on-one care in a private home. If he ends up paying you for his care, you should not expect any further compensation. And, of course, he should only pay what is reasonable and what he can afford.
The only thing that seems worrisome to me is that you are dependent on his compensation in order to maintain your lifestyle. Perhaps that concerns your wife's family. Maybe they see that as more mercenary than noble (just a hunch...it is hard to figure out family dynamics from one post.)
Anyway, as long as you are not taking advantage of the FIL, keeping everything legal and above board, and making sure that your FIL is getting the care he pays for, then there shouldn't be a problem. After doing all these things and the family still gripes have them state specifically what is bothering them. It may just be a simple lack of communication. If they think they can get better care for your FIL have them look into what ALFs and NHs charge. It may open their eyes.
good luck
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