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It is completely ruined our relationship. She expects us to support her while she gives her social security money away to someone she believes lives in the UK , widowed with a son , that they are going to be together and have a perfect family. I don’t understand, she’s not stupid person. We showed her proof the pictures are an Argentina celebrity and from magazine articles. She stopped for a short time when she was ill. I blocked the google hangout contact from her phone and deleted app. I just found out she found him and now they are texting and calling, I blocked that number and deleted all contact info. She found him and the number again. She sent him money again. She was staying with me while she recovered from illness but left after I confronted her again. She says very hurtful things to me when she can’t get her way. She told people she was a prisoner in my house and a hostage. I didn’t want her on phone or using Facebook. I treat her like a child. That’s not true at all. I have been supporting her and taking her to all medical appointment and by her side while my other four siblings do mostly nothing. I feel like I have lost my mom already. Is she losing it or is it just that hard to accept she is at this stage in her life?

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Call the financial crimes division of your PD. And APS. And the FBI, DA.

My mom, prior to admission in MC, got taken advantage of by contractors who helpfully left flyers on her door. Each one had a criminal record. We could not prove fraud because they had done enough of the work. But it was incredibly substandard. The DETECTIVE who came to the house and took photos told her, don't deal with kind of people anymore. The good ones,don't do this. You have been scammed. They had figured out that that her memory was very bad. And could say, no you did not pay us for x yet. This was when we had POA but no Guardianship. They would take her to the bank in their car and get cash withdrawals. Because the banks, note plural, would call me. The bank execs tried to tell her she was being taken advantage of. So she lost about 6k to this.

Promised never to do again.

What did she do? Called one of them at 1:30 in the morning to come back and do,more work. This guy had a record for embezzlement. She told him all kinds of untrue things about me. And he quickly figured out how to use me as a wedge, and get more money from her. Nothing you could tell her got through. She could not remember the detective coming.

This started in late July of last year. By late September I finally convinced my sister our POA was not working and we had to get a guardianship. We did. By the end of October, we lied to her, and took her to a geriatric behavioral health facility where she stayed for a week and was discharged to a MC facility, unable to return home.
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You could always say that since she has so much extra income to send to a mooch of a male then she needs to start paying rent. Then you can put that aside to give to your siblings to help her out.

My dad married a whore from a whorehouse and she can do and say anything and it is his gospel, he is obviously codependent and there is no reasoning, arguing, begging or pleading with it, he knows it all and she is just wonderful. Really difficult waiting for the next train crash but nothing else can be done.

Letting go for yourself is the only way to not be consumed with worry. Hugs, you are doing the right thing for your 1st priority, your family. They need you and she is obviously a user and only cares about herself, time to cut that apron string, snip snip😁
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AgingStinks Feb 24, 2019
Falls into category of easily said than done, my mind tells me I should and my heart still clings on onto something that may never be. I appreciate the advice and the hugs.

sorry about your dad situation, funny that sometimes blood is not thicker than water.
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How does mom feel about Dr. Phil? He has done several shows about gullible women that have been tarnished by Nigerian scammers. Maybe if she watched those shows. I think you can watch past episodes on the Dr. Phil website.
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AgingStinks Feb 24, 2019
I watched some the other night after she left my house and couldn’t sleep. I was amazed at how similar stories are. Fortunately mom doesn’t have much money to offer but enough to completely damage herself. She’s not speaking to me now but I thought about texting the links to her. But stopped myself.
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I am 69 and I hope in two years I am not this gullible.

I didn't know it at the time but looking back, the first sign of Mom having Dementia was I could not reason with her. She believed a disabled gson with a neurological problem over me. I think Mom needs and evaluation. I hope you have POA because you may need to use it. Mom may need an AL. Then you can take her phone away.
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AgingStinks Feb 24, 2019
there is some decline in memory, like asking me same thing over and over , or not recalling recent conversations. I’ve wondered if that’s it but sometimes she’s incredibly alert and resourceful. I’ve never dealt with dementia in our family so I may have to do some research. I hope this never happens to you or anyone you love.
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I think it is hard for her to admit that she is being catfish. Just because she was/is being catfish doesn't necessarily mean that she is having cognitive decline it happens to some of the smartest people, and most if not all of them are lonely. Your mom really wants to believe in this fantasy. The number of Americans that are catfish a day would knock your socks off.

Can you get your mom's phone and/or into her Facebook acct? I ask because if you can; you can call or text this person and tell them that you know they are scamming your mom and you hired a detective and some IT personal and that you will find them. Yes, you are fibing, but they don't know that. However, making this statement will usually scare them into not calling back. Another thing is to change mom's phone number. You need to think outside the box on this.

Stop trying to tell your mom that she is being catfish. The more you push this subject the more she will push back, and sorry to say, you won't win. She will just continue to do it behind your back. All you can do is run interference, unless you can take over your mom's accts, which she has to be deem incompetent. I am sorry that this is happening to your mom and I know you must feel helpless.
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AgingStinks Feb 24, 2019
I did that the first time when it was a google hangout phone and message , messaged this person and told them I contacted the authorities and if he contacted her again we would find him and put him in jail. Somehow she reached out to him again, through Facebook or however they first met. I read the conversations , she found him and he was all too happy to hear from her and start asking for money again. This time actual phone calls and texts. I blocked the number , deleted all call logs, messages , etc. no trace of him on phone. And yet again, she found him maybe through old phone bills. Interference seems futile. thanks for advice, I read a many stories online. Seems like authorities don’t have manpower, interest or time to do much about it. funny thing is she’s not tech savvy so I’m surprised how resourceful she has been to keep finding him
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I wonder if you reported his number to the FBI whether they could trace it. Chances are, he’s doing this to many older ladies, not only to just your mother. You may have to block Mom’s access to computers and her phone if you can. Change passwords, etc. You WILL have to treat her like a child because that is EXACTLY how she’s acting.

If you can get her to give you financial Power of Attorney, you can control her spending and to whom she sends money.

All of us, especially when we’re lonely and feel old and alone, are susceptible to the wily charms of someone, and we refuse to hear they’re only interested in separating us from our money. Mom is no different. She believes what he tells her and will not listen to reason. You are the enemy. You are trying to separate her from her “true love”. You may have to take a hard approach. Tell your mother you can no longer tolerate her hurtful words and juvenile behaviors. You will be finding someplace else for her to live where she can communicate with whomever she wishes and send her money wherever she wants. If she needs care, you will hire an in-home caregiver or send her to Assisted Living. You will not, under any circumstances, give her any money for anything. Firmly explain to her that you no longer want any part of this debacle she is involved in. If she wants to stay in your home, she cuts off all ties with this person...and you will be monitoring her...and she gives you control of her SS money. It won’t be easy, but when this “relationship” with this person crashes and burns that won’t be easy either.
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worriedinCali Feb 24, 2019
His name is probably fake and the FBI won’t get involved in this.
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