We've had to start taking care of Mom who's 77 and diagnosed with multiple myeloma cancer. She was always sweet and caring. Never saw a nasty bone in her. Now she's mean and uncooperative. Says she can't do anything. Won't help us in any way when it comes to getting out of bed, on/off toilet, getting dressed, purposely uses the bathroom in her Depends instead of getting up to go to the toilet/bedside commode, becomes dead weight and says she can't. Gives us the "evil" eye and will cuss saying she doesn't give a s**t. My mom was never used bad language like this. Yet, the caregiver shows up the next day and Mom can transfer herself, goes to the toilet, doesn't poop he pants, gets into the shower with the light assistance of the caregiver. Cooperates and is cheerful. As soon as my sister arrives after work, she becomes nasty and uncooperative. Why?
In general, depression, while appropriate to this diagnosis and to be expected, and while it may manifest as some form of anger, doesn't take this particular "face". This doesn't sound like/seem like depression to me, as a retired RN.
I am so very sorry. Your doctors know their patient much better than a Forum of strangers ever could. This is very sad. I wish your family best of luck.
It will be a win win for all involved.
Or, your Mom is old enough to actually have dementia, which is a progressive disease. If so, her behaviors will continue to change. She cannot help her behavior so now you and your sister are the only ones who can change. If she isn't on medication for agitation, why not? This would be merciful to her and also make your lives with her improved. How would you liked to be forced to live in a perpetually fowl mood? I wouldn't.
Or, she is depressed and angry at her diagnosis and how her life has turned out. Again meds may be the solution.
I'm so sorry for these circumstances. In the end no one can force you to be her caregiver, and you shouldn't do it out of guilt. Put yourself in her shoes, and do the best you can while keeping healthy boundaries so that you don't burn out. May you receive peace in your hearts as you journey with her.
Every time I tried to assist, she would yell, "leave me alone, you're making me sick." However, when the caregiver or her neighbor were around, she would be the nicest, cooperative person. She never listened to me. It was frustrating because I was often asked to visit her or stay with her, yet she paid me no mind and just wouldn't listen to me.
I finally sent her attorney a letter that I no longer wanted the POA and I just let her be. She said I was making her ill, but she was making me more ill.