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My father was put on hospice 2 months ago when he could still eat, get himself to bathroom with help, dress with help. He is 95 and has late stage dementia. We did not administer any of the special hospice meds until last week as he gets agitated at night and cannot sleep anymore. I have given the Morphine and Lorazepam at night for a week. He sleeps most of the day now. How can I feel like I’m not killing him by giving him his prescribed meds. He does not want to live like this I know that. Everyone says give him the meds as prescribed, every 2 hours. I know he’s dying but I know this will hasten his death so I have terrible guilt. How do I get over the guilt of medicating him the way he was prescribed. Emotional. Thank you.

To My Family

When it's my turn for hospice, please GIVE ME the meds intended to keep me comfortable and not upset and scared and in pain while I'm dying. Please don't feel GUILTY about keeping me peaceful and comfortable instead of stressed to the max and freaking out. Hospice is not intended to kill me, the cancer is going to do that. Hospice is intended to prevent my discomfort, anxiety and anguish during the dying process. And NOT to put it ONTO my family instead in the form of misguided "guilt" over following my WISHES.

Thank you. See you on the Other Side.
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funkygrandma59 Sep 6, 2025
Well said lealonnie.
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As an RN I believe there is a serious misunderstanding here. These medications you mention are PRN medications, meaning as needed. MS is for pain and for breathlessness. Lorazepam for agitation, anxiety, restlessness. If he doesn't have these things he doesn't need the meds.
This question, of course, should be brought to HOSPICE, not to a Forum of strangers. Seek their advice if you don't understand medications you are administering and when, where, why and how to administer them.
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CaringWifeAZ Sep 12, 2025
Thank you for that helpful information, AlvaDeer!
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The medications given will NOT hasten his death.
The WILL make him more comfortable.
I was concerned about the Morphine as well. The last dose I gave my Husband I thought after wards...It was late/early in the morning, the lighting was not great and I was sleepy...could I have possibly given him an over dose...is that what killed him?.....The Nurse that came that morning and when I expressed my fear to her she looked at me and said if I had given him the entire bottle there would not have been enough to kill him. That gave me such peace of mind.
With the medications he is no longer anxious, he can relax, he can breathe he can sleep peacefully.
Even if dad looks to be asleep he may still hear you, he knows your touch, he knows you are there.
Sit with him, lay next to him, talk to him. Hold his hand.
🙏
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Reply to Grandma1954
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I also took care of my dad on home hospice and was the only one to give him the meds. We were given Ativan, morphine, and Haldol. I only used them the last five days at his hospice nurses instructions. She assured me on the dosing. It was a relief to keep dad comfortable and calm. That didn’t take away the uncertainty at every step and just the overall sadness. The day before my dad died the nurse told me I needed to realize my dad was already gone, his body just hadn’t quite gotten the message yet. It was so true. Please know you’re not hastening death, your dad will pass exactly when he’s meant to, and nothing you’re doing or not doing will alter it. Your sadness over the loss has likely already begun. I wish you and dad both much peace
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The meds make him more comfortable as his body shuts down. You are only helping him along his journey. I don't believe that these meds hasten his dying, but even if they did for a few days would you rather he lived agitated and in pain for a few extra days, than pain free and calm? I would feel guilty if I didn't give him the meds he needs.
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If it helps to have some company...as I write this, my dad (92, dementia) is on morphine and lorazepam, too, since yesterday morning.

I know in my heart it is helping him relax.

He was reaching out and his legs were jittery. But now he is calm.

He is listening to a rotation of a few hours of Benny Goodman (his favorite), then classical music for an hour or two, then backyard birdsong, quietly at his bedside.

Please know you are not hastening his death, as the wise Forum members have posted. You are giving him peace. I'll be thinking of you.
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KNance72 Sep 6, 2025
My son Played Music for My Mother while she was brain dead and we had to turn off the machines . great idea the music .
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These medications allow your dad to go into a restful sleep. Some people become agitated when they start having trouble breathing without these meds. Try not to feel guilty because this is the humane thing to do for your dad. You want him to be very comfortable and not struggle. I am so sorry. It's very difficult seeing your dad go through his final stages. Try to provide your dad with comfort and do not feel any guilt once your dad is at peace.
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Reply to Onlychild2024
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For what it's worth, as I was being wheeled to my hospital room post-surgery, I kept saying the word "pain". I was in a lot of pain. The very nice orderly laughed and said "miss, you're in the right place to fix this. I'll make sure they help you." Well, I don't know what they gave me, it was amazing. No pain. No distress. As far as I can tell, I'm still alive. It didn't kill me, it didn't turn me into a drug addict.
As others here have written, talk to the hospice nurses. My mothers were wonderful founts of knowledge. Very kind too. They also directed me to a grief support group after Mom's passing.
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Reply to Ariadnee
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This will not hasten his death. They will help make his passing more comfortable. I’d feel guilty if I withheld his meds
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ElizabethAR37 Sep 12, 2025
Yup, that would be a perfect reason to feel guilty, IMO!!
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I imagine most of us have had those thoughts. I know I did when caring for my mil. I was glad my husband had to go into a hospice house at the end, and the care staff was responsible for his comfort care. Even though I know that keeping a person comfortable in their final days is of utmost improtance, the little nagging voice in our heads wants to make us feel guilty.
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