My sweet mother passed away 5 days ago in her sleep...what do I do now?
My mother had Lewy Body dementia, COPD, vascular/circulatory issues, and a couple of other conditions. I have been her primary caregiver for 10 years...my life was basically on hold, but I didn't think twice about caring for her. After her passing, it hit me that all of the tasks I used to perform daily are no longer needed. In the subsequent days, I have constantly been reminded that "I won't have to do this anymore...". It's almost like I have a long list of tasks and duties in my head that line by line is being erased, until nothing is left but a blank sheet.
In a span of about 2 weeks, my Mom's condition declined drastically; she was no longer able to support herself walking, barely ate or drank, and the dementia was taking a firmer hold. My sister and I decided that we needed professional help with her care, so we arranged for in-home hospice care. The team we had was phenomenal. She survived for 6 days before peacefully slipping away in her sleep. This was the best possible outcome for her, given the number of health issues she had.
Although I am at peace that she died so peacefully at home with us, and will no longer suffer, the question that looms large in my mind is...what do I do with myself now? I loved that little woman, and we had such a wonderful bond...I miss her so....what do I do now?
Hugs!
or maybe if you like dogs and cats something there.
It's not a sure thing but it might help.
Take care dear 1st. hugs
So very sorry for your loss.
When you feel "up to it", go through your LO things to find new homes for her items. Women's shelters can always use clothing. Jewelry can be worn "as is", revamped to your style, or incorporated into décor. Paperwork will probably need to be held onto for at least a year. Donate or sell vehicles and assistive devices. Letting go of these items doesn't have to be immediate but probably done within the year.
Then, consider what have you been putting on "hold". Time to rediscover those activities and relationships.
I am very sorry for your loss. Thanks to a special Daughter who Loved her Mom. You were very luck to have Mom around and you did a special *BLESSING FOR YOUR MOM* You will get used to her not being around. My Day lived with me last 16yrs of his life and I am so glad he was with me. I miss Dad but I know where he is and he is not suffering. My Mom passed before I was 6 yrs old so I only had Dad. BLESSING & Hugs too you. Condolence and take care of your self. God Bless
It's human nature to say "I'm sorry for your loss." I am, but will share my valuable lesson. I asked an old widowed cousin of my moms "when did you lose your husband?" She patted my arm & with a beautiful smile said,
" I didn't lose him my dear girl. I know where he is!" That was 24 yrs ago after my son passed away at 34 yrs. of age. I answer that question still asked of me with the answer she gave me. I knew this " old" lady was a woman of faith. I am now an old lady and rely on my faith. I grieved for my mom, my dad but I was younger and perhaps stronger. My sons passing was unbearable grief! What did I do then? Whatever I felt like. I kicked the dryer a few times, I'd get in my car alone go for a drive , sob,
scream, whatever I felt. We all deal with loss our on way. It's ok. Your pain is your own my/ others pain is ours. I don't know how you feel. We own our own feelings. Take one day at a time. It gets better, I promise. Mother's Day is still not easy ( my son passed away the day after mothers day 1995) his birthday, the anniversary of his passing, the Holidays still tug at my heart. However long my grief lasted I finally by the Grace of God I survived. I realized I was blessed to have been able to take care of my boy the last three months of his life spent in hospital. I think of him and the happy times we shared. He had never married nor had children so
he was mine, all mine. Selfishness? No, I counted it as another blessing.
In closing know that you will be in my prayers. Keep posts up through your new life chapter. There is lots of love and great people on this site. We can vent, share and oppine without crutizism or judgement. 👍🏼
You didn't mention other family or friends. Caregiving takes a lot of our time and we lose touch but our family and or friends come through when U are ready. I'm now caregiver to my husband. He has vascular dementia.
Five years ago for a brief moment I thought , not again! Today I've learned much on this site and others. How to deal with the changes in him, help in coping and to not forget to take time & take care of me. I'm now 77 yrs my husband 78. I miss and want my old Ed which is not there but another blessing & I don't mean to sound flip or unkind, but I can vent stuff to him about family drama, bills, so much to do that he can't anymore , cry etc., he says " I'm sorry honey, I'll drive you ( he hasn't driven in three yrs. ) I'll help you. ". I do get hugs and then he forgets. So I'm not adding to his issues. My daughters and adult grandchildren ask how I do it? My answer " only by the grace of God!" Sometimes I start to think about what's ahead but won't go there for long. As I'm sure you know, some days are harder than others but thats when I try hard to take one day at a time, can't nor want to control our future. Can't dwell on the past , we don't live there anymore. Viral hugs to you and never forget you are not alone. You will survive!
Nanabinx
this sounds simplistic and really is simple but worthwhile.
try a senior center or hospital. Some towns have something called rsvp that has multiple places needing volunteers. Or see if the chamber of commerce or city hall knows of places.
you can volunteer the same place every time or a different place every time.
i volunteered for years until i got a job and really enjoyed it and the people i met.
The holidays are events I will just have to get through but I intend to incorporate her favorite holiday things into mine and she will be with us in that way.
I will take one day at a time and cry whenever I feel the need.
My condolences to you. I am with you in this.
My support and sympathy
First, you are not alone. Your feelings are normal. You are facing a loss...huge loss. Your routine is not the same. The things you were used to are now totally different or gone.
I lost my mom after spending 13 long nights and days in a hospital hospice. I was holding her on Christmas day last year when she passed at 3:40 p.m. It was THE hardest thing in the world. My routine is now different, of course, but you will get used to doing things differently. Your mom is at peace now...no more suffering.
I find that dealing with your emotions helps, instead of hiding them. I wanted to crawl in a hole and not come out - I'm ashamed to say. I still have those feelings but, not as much as I did.
Life has changed for you. If you ever need to vent or talk, I'm here for you.
Is there an interest you would like to pursue maybe? Give yourself time. You will figure it out.
In time, you might find a new "normal" as far as being able to do some things you enjoy or pursue some goals that maybe you didn't have time for while being a caregiver. It will take some time though most likely. It's normal to feel "shell-shocked" after the passing of a loved one, especially after being a caregiver.
Grief counseling might help you through this time, and your hospice agency may offer it to you free. Of course, we on here are here for you for support as well.
Hugs, just take it one day at a time.