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My step mom is a very horrible person and is just after the bank account. Before my dad died last year, he said my grandma would never go into a home even if he had to move in with her. How can I block this move or hold it off a bit?

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yourflyguy, could you tell us who is current taking care of your Grandmother? And what are your Grandmother's health conditions? Any dementia?

Was your Step-Mom caring for your Dad before he passed last year? If yes, then she is still grieving the lost of the love of her life. So sorry for your Dad's passing. Now your Step-Mom is trying to take care or has been taking care of your Dad's mother.

That is a lot for one person to do, do Aides come in to help her? If not, then Step-Mom probably is physically and emotionally exhausted. Has anyone been helping her? If not, then I can fully understand why your Step-Mom now feels that your Grandmother needs a HIGHER skilled place to take care of her.

There isn't anything terrible about be in a continuing care facility. Both my parents were in one. Thus, there are 3 shifts of caregivers every day..... right now your Step-Mom is probably doing the work of all 3 daily caregivers. Can you see how exhausting that can be?

Your Step-Mom is after her Mother-in-law's bank account if she puts her into a nursing home? Seriously?? Do you have any idea how much it cost to be in a nursing home? For my own Mom it was costing my Dad $12k per month, yes per month. That would wipe out Grandmother's bank account, so taking money is NOT what you should be thinking.
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I have a suggestion for you. If SM is giving up on care at home and it may mean it is too much for one person, do you want to take her in? Never assume caregiving is easy. There come a point in time that it is too much.
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Why would your grandma give your terrible awful stepmom POA?

Is Stepmom draining Grandma's bank account, or your dad's? Do you have evidence this is happening? Who is handling GM's affairs? Paying her taxes, insurance, house upkeep, etc? I assume this is horrid stepmom, since she is POA. How can you sort out what is being legitimately used for GM's care, and what Stepmom is stealing for herself?

You father said he would move in with your GM before he would let her go to a home. But he is dead. Is there someone else volunteering to move in with her? Are you?

About what GM wanted/doesn't want ... we don't always get to choose when it comes to health.

I never aspired to a medical career. I never ever wanted to give myself (or anyone else) shots. Then I developed diabetes. I now give myself 5 shots a day. Do I want to? Not exactly, but I am glad for the opportunity to stave off complications. I don't want to give myself shots, but even more than that I don't want to lose my foot or a leg or my vision.

As loving caregivers many of us have had to do something that our loved ones never wanted done. But those loved ones never wanted dementia or copd or cancer, etc either. We simply don't always have choices when it comes to our health.

I think jjariz is right about what it will take to fight this. (Recognize that these steps will cost money.) If you did become GM's legal guardian, what would be the first thing you would do?
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If Gma is of sound mind she can revolt the SM POA and assign someone else.
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Just want to clarify...GMa assigned your stepmom POA? Or she assigned your Dad and SM second? Or is SM assuming that she can take over where Dad left off. If Gma Didn't legally assign SM then SM is not POA.

If she puts Gma in a NH all Gmas assets have to pay for her care. If SM uses any of it for personal reasons it will effect Medicaid if ever needed.
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Step mom has probably already drained the bank account, but when she applies for medicaid to cover Grandma's care she is in for a big surprise. medicaid will demand to know where the money is!!!!!!!!!

Agree Gma is probably better off without stepmom's care.
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If you want to fight it, you will need to hire an attorney and file for guardianship for grandma and be prepared to take care of her. You can't force step-mom to continue to care for her.
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Well, I would first ask what you would propose as an alternative. Who is caring for your grandmother now? What are the options? If your stepmom has POA, she doesn't need to put your grandma in a home to get at the bank account. In fact it would probably be cheaper to keep her at home than to pay a facility for her care. Your stepmom may be a horrible person but this may still be the best option for your grandma.
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