After a certain point sitting him on the toilet is no use. If he is bladder and bowel incontinent it might be just frustrating to him. I used to sit my Husband on the Shower wheelchair I had(have) and park him over the toilet while I was brushing his teeth. I did it because it was a convenient spot I did not do it because I expected him to use the toilet. (If he did that was great) As to your husband . Is the toilet ADA height? (Taller than a standard toilet) if not it might be uncomfortable for him to sit down on a lower seat. Is the toilet bowl elongated or a round one? If it is not elongated it might be uncomfortable as well. Do you have a hand rail so he can sit down and stand up easily? If not he might feel unsteady sitting or standing. Or it is just difficult for him to stand without anything to help push him up. Do you talk to him and tell him what you are going to do? Converse with him, tell him where he is going and that you are going to change him and clean him up. Tell him when you are going to use a wipe and that it might be cold and a bit damp. While he is sitting on the toilet talk to him, give him a back rub, use lotion if you want (lavender is great it is calming) And because of the acoustics in the bathroom talk in a low quiet voice. But if he really is both urine and bowl incontinent forego the toilet and change and clean him either standing or in bed. If he stands and has good leg strength a Sit to Stand is an awesome piece of equipment that will make your life easier.
Does he get angry because he would rather just go in his diaper, instead of the toilet, or is using the toilet just to confusing for him? Without having much information to go by, it's hard to answer you properly. Do you use a bedside commode, so he doesn't have to travel that far? I know when my husband was still mobile, he had a hard time standing at the toilet,(as he was very unsteady) and getting the pee in it, so I would end up having to clean pee up off the floor all the time. That would make him angry, so we finally agreed that he would have to sit every time he had to use the bathroom. He didn't like it much at first, but eventually got used to it, and it sure made my life a little easier. Perhaps if you share more info, I can give you some better advise.
I would imagine if you are dealing with a spouse with dementia that this is not the only thing that is causing anger? Am I right? Some dementias manifest with more anger than others, and of course the person closest at hand gets that anger leveled. Is there a reason that you are pushing the toileting? Is it to cut down on the amount/frequency of the incontinence due to cost of diapers, difficulty with cleaning? Is the anger new? That is to say did hubby use to visit the toilet without any problems but now doesn't wish to? Is he angry also during changes. If you are seeing new and more adamant anger you may be dealing with a bladder infection, UTI, so a urinalysis would be a good idea.
I used to sit my Husband on the Shower wheelchair I had(have) and park him over the toilet while I was brushing his teeth. I did it because it was a convenient spot I did not do it because I expected him to use the toilet. (If he did that was great)
As to your husband .
Is the toilet ADA height? (Taller than a standard toilet) if not it might be uncomfortable for him to sit down on a lower seat.
Is the toilet bowl elongated or a round one? If it is not elongated it might be uncomfortable as well.
Do you have a hand rail so he can sit down and stand up easily? If not he might feel unsteady sitting or standing. Or it is just difficult for him to stand without anything to help push him up.
Do you talk to him and tell him what you are going to do?
Converse with him, tell him where he is going and that you are going to change him and clean him up. Tell him when you are going to use a wipe and that it might be cold and a bit damp. While he is sitting on the toilet talk to him, give him a back rub, use lotion if you want (lavender is great it is calming) And because of the acoustics in the bathroom talk in a low quiet voice.
But if he really is both urine and bowl incontinent forego the toilet and change and clean him either standing or in bed. If he stands and has good leg strength a Sit to Stand is an awesome piece of equipment that will make your life easier.
I know when my husband was still mobile, he had a hard time standing at the toilet,(as he was very unsteady) and getting the pee in it, so I would end up having to clean pee up off the floor all the time. That would make him angry, so we finally agreed that he would have to sit every time he had to use the bathroom. He didn't like it much at first, but eventually got used to it, and it sure made my life a little easier.
Perhaps if you share more info, I can give you some better advise.
If you are seeing new and more adamant anger you may be dealing with a bladder infection, UTI, so a urinalysis would be a good idea.