My spouse soon will have to enter a memory care facility. It’s a dreaded but necessary decision as she now needs assistance with all ADL’s. Any advice?

I knew someone who told his spouse they were going to paint the inside of the house. It worked. She never questioned it, never went back to the house and wouldn’t have remembered the room colors if she had.

You could also say you’re fumigating for termites, getting the carpets cleaned, replacing the roof, etc. Why don’t you have to leave? Because you need to be there to supervise.

Here is a link to an article with 50 tips on transitioning a loved one into Memory Care Assisted Living:

https://www.seniorlink.com/blog/50-tips-on-transitioning-a-loved-one-to-memory-dementia-or-alzheimers-careyour-blog-post-title-here

I'm sorry you're struggling with this, and wish you the best possible outcome.

cjljml, so sorry you are going through this. You are doing the right thing having your wife now live in Memory Care.

Please note when a person with dementia wants to go home, the home they are referring is their childhood home, back when life was fun and easy.

Have her room set up with her favorite things. If possible use the same bedspread that was on your bed [if it will fit]. Set up the furniture similar to what you have currently at home, if the room space allows it. If she uses a night light in the bedroom, make sure one is available at Memory Care.

It is ok to use "therapeutic fibs", you can tell her anything you feel you will believe. You may even want to call Memory Care before you go and ask for suggestions. Maybe you and your wife go for lunch, then if she feel tired, take her to her room.

It is suggested to stay away for a week or so, it all depends on your wife, just play it by ear. She needs to learn her way around and become familiar with the Staff. Is she able to use a telephone? If yes, you can call her a couple times during the day.

Here hoping everything go smoothly.

Work with the people at the facility where she's going. They're master at swooping in, making the new resident feel welcome and involving them in activities right away.

When I took my mother to memory care, she arrived right around lunch time, so she and I sat at a table and had lunch together. She didn't eat anything and was very sad, but she was OK. I told her I'd be back with no date specified, as they'd asked me to stay away for a few days to let her settle.

It turned out she fell and conked her head (no fault of the MC) a couple of days later, so I saw her sooner than I expected -- in the hospital. However, after she came back to the MC later that night, they got her all tucked in, and I went home. When I returned the next day, there she was, with her bandaged-up noggin there for all the world to see, having a grand time doing the activities. She was completely fine.

Don't overthink and worry about the transition until you have a good reason to worry. Follow the lead of the people at the facility and use them as a resource. It'll be tough, but it'll be fine.