CNAlady you must be very upset - it sounds as if your son hurt your feelings rather badly. I'm sorry for that.
The thing is, you don't need your son's help or his permission to return to your apartment with the correct level of support. Speak to the managers in your facility and tell them you want a care plan meeting. At the meeting, you will need to be clear that you wish to return home and would like assistance with arranging care.
Is this going to be a project that you can realistically manage? It is fine to need help with it, you should only have to ask; but if even with help it's beyond you then perhaps it might be sensible to have a rethink.
Are you still in touch with whoever arranged the CNA you had before? Perhaps that service could help again now.
The other thing is. If your son has been trying to do all of this from NC, and it all went horribly wrong (even though it was an accident), and he sincerely believes that it would be unsafe for you to be at home even with help, you can't really blame him for reaching the end of his rope. My guess is that it all comes from worrying about you, without his being able to do anything practical to make sure you're safe.
The moral of that story is that if you want to be in charge, you have to take charge and stop expecting him to do it for you. You have every right to return home if that is your decision, but you don't have any right to force your son to agree it's a good idea.
NORTH CAROLINABILL OF RIGHTS FOR NURSING HOME RESIDENTS(condensed version) EVERY RESIDENT SHALL HAVE THE FOLLOWING RIGHTS: 1.To be treated with consideration, respect and full recognition of personal dignity and individuality. 2.To receive care, treatment,and services that are adequate and appropriate, and in compliance with relevant federal and State rules. 3.To receive at the time of admission and during stay, a written statement of services provided by the facility and of related charges. Charges for services not covered under Medicare and Medicaid shall be specified. 4.To have on file physician’s orders with proposed schedule of medical treatment. Written, signed evidence of prior informed consent to participation in experimental research shall be in patient’s file. 5.To receive respect and privacy in his medical care program. All personal and medical records are confidential. 6.To be free of mental and physical abuse. To be free of chemical and physical restraint unless authorized for a specified period of time by a physician according to clear and indicated medical need. 7.To receive from the administrator or staff of the facility a reasonable response to all requests. 8.To receive visitors or have access to privacy in phone use at any reasonable hour. To sendand receive mail promptly and unopened, with access to writing materials. 9.To manage his/her own financial affairs unless other legal arrangements have been so ordered. 10.To have privacy in visits by the patient’s spouse. 11.To enjoy privacy in his/her own room. 12.To present grievances and recommend changes in policies and services without fear of reprisal, restraint, interference, coercion or discrimination. 13.To not be required to perform services for the facility without personal consent and written approval of the attending physician. 14.To retain, to secure storage for, and to use his personal clothing and possessions, where reasonable. 15.To not be transferred or discharged from a facility except for medical, financial, or their own or other patient’s welfare. Any such transfer shall require at least five days’ notice, unless the attending physician orders immediate transfer, which shall be documented in the patient’s medical record. 16.To be notified when the facility’s license is revoked or made provisional. The responsible party or guardian must be notified, also.
The Ombudsman is an advocate for those who live in long term care facilities.For more information on resident rights,call the Regional Long Term Care Ombudsman.(336) 294-4950or (336) 761-2111NORTH CAROLINA DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH AND HUMAN SERVICES Division Of Aging
CNAlady, No disrespect intended hun, but if you accidentally took too much medication and need a CNA to care for you 6 hours a day, you are NOT "fully capable" of taking care of yourself. It's hard to adjust as we loose more and more abilities that we used to take for granted.
It seems that your doctor recommended this move for your safety. Have you spoken to him/her about WHY (s)he recommended this move?
Since you aren't happy at the facility you're in now, would your son talk about moving you to another facility that would be more to your liking? Maybe you could move to a facility closer to your son.
If you are capable you can start calling around to find a different place to live and make the arrangements to move, but returning to your previous life may not be possible, it is likely that your apartment has already been rented to someone else and your belongings are gone - have you thought of that? Is it possible your son has explained this to you already and he just doesn't want to keep going over it?
Is there anyone else who lives closer to you who you could appoint as your POA?
This post was not written by the patient, but by the CNA who is now essentially out of a job b/c sonny boy had mom placed.
I'm sure feelings were hurt, and if my spidey senses are right, the OP will not come back.
Someone who requires 6 hrs per day of care and can't keep meds straight...just makes me wonder exactly HOW much they can function on their own. Perhaps son was just tired of some dramas and made the big decision.
Curious--what was the medicine and how much did you take and how did your son find out about it? Did it require a trip to the ER? That would have alerted sonny to the going's on.
There's a whole lot more going on here. If you had care and weren't bothering him with anything, why would he care? In my experience, most men (sorry guys) do not go looking for trouble.
To have someone posting a question AS the person that was placed in a facility is VERY confusing as some of the answers are as if the person posting the question IS the person that was placed in the facility. In fact the person posting is a CNA (I question that !) that is supposedly caring for the person that was placed in the facility.
I think CNAlady might want to look over something that she might have missed in one of her classes. It is called "Boundaries". Boundaries exist for a reason and I think you may have over stepped a bit.
People, read. She was in an elderly APARTMENT building. She misses having an apartment. There is a big difference between a nursing home and an apartment with 6 hours of care a day. If the meds mistake was the first time it ever happened, her care worker can help her organize her dosages a week at a time with one of those 28-compartment pillboxes. Her son should be both disinherited and dropped as a POA.
Ok, let's sort this out. Is this the first time over meds has happened? You don't have to answer that here but something to think about. Yes, 6 hours of care is kinda large swatch of the clock.
What do you not like about where you are versus where you were?
The thing is, you don't need your son's help or his permission to return to your apartment with the correct level of support. Speak to the managers in your facility and tell them you want a care plan meeting. At the meeting, you will need to be clear that you wish to return home and would like assistance with arranging care.
Is this going to be a project that you can realistically manage? It is fine to need help with it, you should only have to ask; but if even with help it's beyond you then perhaps it might be sensible to have a rethink.
Are you still in touch with whoever arranged the CNA you had before? Perhaps that service could help again now.
The other thing is. If your son has been trying to do all of this from NC, and it all went horribly wrong (even though it was an accident), and he sincerely believes that it would be unsafe for you to be at home even with help, you can't really blame him for reaching the end of his rope. My guess is that it all comes from worrying about you, without his being able to do anything practical to make sure you're safe.
The moral of that story is that if you want to be in charge, you have to take charge and stop expecting him to do it for you. You have every right to return home if that is your decision, but you don't have any right to force your son to agree it's a good idea.
EVERY RESIDENT SHALL HAVE THE FOLLOWING RIGHTS:
1.To be treated with consideration, respect and full recognition of personal dignity and individuality.
2.To receive care, treatment,and services that are adequate and appropriate, and in compliance with relevant federal and State rules.
3.To receive at the time of admission and during stay, a written statement of services provided by the facility and of related charges. Charges for services not covered under Medicare and Medicaid shall be specified.
4.To have on file physician’s orders with proposed schedule of medical treatment. Written, signed evidence of prior informed consent to participation in experimental research shall be in patient’s file.
5.To receive respect and privacy in his medical care program. All personal and medical records are confidential.
6.To be free of mental and physical abuse. To be free of chemical and physical restraint unless authorized for a specified period of time by a physician according to clear and indicated medical need.
7.To receive from the administrator or staff of the facility a reasonable response to all requests.
8.To receive visitors or have access to privacy in phone use at any reasonable hour. To sendand receive mail promptly and unopened, with access to writing materials.
9.To manage his/her own financial affairs unless other legal arrangements have been so ordered.
10.To have privacy in visits by the patient’s spouse.
11.To enjoy privacy in his/her own room.
12.To present grievances and recommend changes in policies and services without fear of reprisal, restraint, interference, coercion or discrimination.
13.To not be required to perform services for the facility without personal consent and written approval of the attending physician.
14.To retain, to secure storage for, and to use his personal clothing and possessions, where reasonable.
15.To not be transferred or discharged from a facility except for medical, financial, or their own or other patient’s welfare. Any such transfer shall require at least five days’ notice, unless the attending physician orders immediate transfer, which shall be documented in the patient’s medical record.
16.To be notified when the facility’s license is revoked or made provisional. The responsible party or guardian must be notified, also.
The Ombudsman is an advocate for those who live in long term care facilities.For more information on resident rights,call the Regional Long Term Care Ombudsman.(336) 294-4950or (336) 761-2111NORTH CAROLINA DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH AND HUMAN SERVICES Division Of Aging
No disrespect intended hun, but if you accidentally took too much medication and need a CNA to care for you 6 hours a day, you are NOT "fully capable" of taking care of yourself. It's hard to adjust as we loose more and more abilities that we used to take for granted.
It seems that your doctor recommended this move for your safety. Have you spoken to him/her about WHY (s)he recommended this move?
Since you aren't happy at the facility you're in now, would your son talk about moving you to another facility that would be more to your liking? Maybe you could move to a facility closer to your son.
Good luck with your future living arrangements.
Is there anyone else who lives closer to you who you could appoint as your POA?
This post was not written by the patient, but by the CNA who is now essentially out of a job b/c sonny boy had mom placed.
I'm sure feelings were hurt, and if my spidey senses are right, the OP will not come back.
Someone who requires 6 hrs per day of care and can't keep meds straight...just makes me wonder exactly HOW much they can function on their own. Perhaps son was just tired of some dramas and made the big decision.
Curious--what was the medicine and how much did you take and how did your son find out about it? Did it require a trip to the ER? That would have alerted sonny to the going's on.
There's a whole lot more going on here. If you had care and weren't bothering him with anything, why would he care? In my experience, most men (sorry guys) do not go looking for trouble.
I think CNAlady might want to look over something that she might have missed in one of her classes. It is called "Boundaries". Boundaries exist for a reason and I think you may have over stepped a bit.
You need ro find an advocate. Call your local Adult Protection Services. Tell them your story and see if they can help. Or your Office of Aging.
You have been given some very good advice and helpful information. We all want to see you do well.
I hope you stick around and let us know how it goes. You matter.
What do you not like about where you are versus where you were?
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