My sisters avoid my mom (88). They phone and talk to her but that’s it. They don’t talk to me and I am her sole caregiver. What can I do?

Sisters: Oh if I just put my head deep in the sand here, I won't feel any yucky guilt. (Just my guess). I sure wouldn't want to hear that Sunshiny would appreciate some help, some support, or even just a how are YOU Sunshiny now & then?

I had a very similar convo with my DH yesterday.. that ended in a row as he can't seem to listen to how hurt I am. Just wants to tell me I am wrong to have any expectations of siblings. Yes well I probably am but I didn't ask if I should, just wanted to express that it is hurtful.

I HEAR YOU & send big big (((hugs))).

PS keep shining 🌞

Sorry you are in a tough spot here. Family's can be difficult, especially when dealing with an aging parent. But, not to be mean, but your siblings have decided what they are and are not willing to do. Asking them about it and/or asking them to do more is probably not in your best interest. I would try to accept and respect their decisions, even if you do not agree with it. Sure, it'd be great to have them more involved, but doesn't seem to happen very often.

I'm sure you could use more help as the sole caregiver. Using mom's money, hire help ASAP. Sister's or mom may not agree but too bad. You need to take care of you a little bit too.

Good luck.

Sunshiny,

I know exactly how you feel. Most everyone here can relate to what you're going through.
Did you choose to become your mother's caregiver, or was it decided by your family? I find that when there's siblings and no one will talk about it and then ignore and ghost the caregiver and the care recipient, it's because they don't want the status quo to change.
They don't want to find themselves on the caregiver hook and be asked to help out or take some of the responsibility. So they don't even go near the water (stops visiting and communicating entirely). This way if they don't talk to you, you can't ask them for help. If they don't talk to their mom, she can't either.
They're not going to help you and of course you feel totally alone in it. You're not alone because everyone in this group is here to support you and there's some great advice and helpful resources to be found here.
There are some things I hope you've taken care of. Like making sure mom sees a lawyer and does a POA document for you and a will making you her executor. Since you are the only one taking any responsibility, her will should reflect upon you as if you were an only child.
Then try talking to your states Department of Social Services, or even the local senior center in your town. They will help you find out what additional care can be offered to help out with your mom. Good luck and God bless.

Caregivers often feel isolated. It’s a difficult position to be in. I am truly sorry that you are experiencing these issues. All I can say is that you can’t force anyone to do something against their will.

Keep the door open for communication. That’s about all that you can do. I wouldn’t nag. Focus on what is needed in your own life. Don’t depend on them to help you. Does your mom have funds to hire additional help? Have you contacted a social worker or Council on Aging to see what your options are regarding her care?

Do you have any other questions for the forum? Others will chime in to help.

Best wishes to you.