My mother is 100 years old and lives with my sister in a different state, many miles away. My sister has guardianship over my mother. She lives in the home of my sister and her "partner". I have been trying to them for a few weeks to find out how my mother is doing. They will not answer my phone calls, texts of emails and I have no idea if my mother is even still alive. Are they not obligated to let me know what's going on? I am totally in the dark at this point. Thank you.
You absolutely have rights! If you have the money for an Elder attorney in the town your mom is in, call one and get going on being listed as an 'interested party' to receive information about her under the court guardianship division. If no money, call that state's Elder agency (at state level) and tell them your story and your need for information. A child is always an 'interested party' to information under any guardianship and whatever your relationship with your sibling, she does not have the legal right to withhold basic information from you.
I wish you the best with this. Just know that you do have rights; you just need to assert them.
Clearly there has been "water under the bridge" here, as the old saying goes, a family history that has caused you and your sister to become estranged.
I would send a very brief note, not including anything about feelings, yours or hers, simply asking if she could be "so good and so kind" as to let you know if your Mom is still with us. I would tell her you appreciate that she is overwhelmed with caregiving if she is, and know it is taking her time. I would tell her that the decision to let you know about Mom in no way obligates her to communicate further with you, and that you will not trouble her again. But that if she can "find it in her heart" to let you know, you would forever be grateful, and would not trouble her in future.
If she still does not, and if you know of no one in that area who might let you know, you are stuck with a trip there, or stepping back.
I am so sorry you are troubled in this.
Maybe send her some flowers not ur to mother t or no ur sister. 'So grateful u r can taking care of of our mom.. thank you. Let me. Know if what I can do to from this distance, love ur sister , name
Just maybe your sister is waiting for you to show up. The one that is in the trenches has a lot on their plate. At age 100 I don't imagine anyone is doing that great.
Have you helped out or pitched in along the way?
How about if you have some groceries delivered or some prepared meals for your sister or day of beauty. Send your sister some flowers and a box of candy
or better still pay for the family to have a Thanksgiving meal cooked and delivered.
Sometimes you get tired of repeating the same health issues to different people--neighbors, friends, parishioners, people you bump into in the market. It's a broken record.
I love the people that knock on the door and hand in a quart of chicken noodle soup, or another who drops off Cranberry juice for Mom and another who brings me the morning paper to my door or ask if they can pick up a prescription at the CVS drive-thru for my Mom to save me the trip. This is what your sister needs.
These are things I love about caregiving...these are a few of my favorite things!
Are you positive your sister is her guardian? Or did she just tell you this? I'm only asking because if there's any doubt (and no proof), maybe research this information (not sure if it's public record or not). Or consult with an elder law attorney for your Mom's state.
Also, please understand that there are always two sides to every story and we are only getting your side.
Are you able to travel to your sister's home to check up on your Mom? Have you had a chance to care for Mom any time in the past? If not, it could be your sister resents that she and her sig-other had to give up so much of their life to be caregivers. This was not the retirement she had planned. This is not uncommon.
Yet, for your sake, it would be good to know how your Mom is doing.