We have toured many facilities, but most of them have an average resident age in the 80’s. I can just imagine my sister saying “Why am I here with all these old people ?
At the memory care attached to my mother's assisted living, there was a beautiful blonde woman who might have been in her mid-forties to mid-fifties. They had bands in to play for dancing a few times a week and she was always there. She loved to dance! She was a doctor's wife who dressed elegantly, had perfect hair and makeup, and was always accompanied by her own private attendant. She had dementia.
I don't know what she thought about being with all the old people at first, but I suspect that she never thought about that once she was so far gone with her illness. Dancing was the highlight of her life, and everyone loved to watch her.
The things we think are important in normal life become less important when something like dementia happens to us. Don't worry about your sister so much. She won't be thinking things through the way she's always done.
Many people in their 80’s and 90’s say the same . “ I don’t belong with these old people”. Sorry your sister will be in this situation . I have a sister 68 , also looks younger and will need to be placed in a facility at some point in the next couple of years if not sooner . My FIL is 89 . We placed him last year and he doesnt think he belongs with the “ “ old people “ either.
I am sorry your sister is showing symtoms of dementia at 70.
I guess the truth is when someone needs care you have to see what is available in their chosen area, or area chosen by family.
Unfortunately, many people under 65 are living in aged care homes. Many have progressive diseases like MS, ALS, aquired brain injury from road trauma or earlier onset dementia. Group homes for under 65 do exist, but not in every area, certainly harder out of bigger cities, have long wait lists or mix people without enough choice for residents. Real choice for who they want to live can be very hard. Any age? Or 18-40s, 40s-65? Preferences for all female or mixed sex housemates. People with physical disability or psycho-social & cognitive impaired also. What about religious or cultural preferences?
But back to your sister. She may well wonder why she is with "old" people. You will have to wait & see how she adjusts. She may align herself with the care staff & make friends there.
Tour your chosen places again. Move focus from age to activities. What activities are on offer? Singing, crafts, bingo? What does your Sister like to do? She may look young, is she physically fit & sporty? Is there dancing, a walking group? (My relative loves art but cannot join physical groups, needs chair based activities. Has enjoyed crafts, concerts & films. Enjoys the company of older people despite being much younger than the others.)
No is the answer . Everything is geared for frail people mentally and or physically who need assistance with daily living. Those with dementia go into a memory care lockdown unit built usually around a enclosed court yard so residents just wonder around all day between meals while aids one by one toilet then before their next meal . Getting ready for bed happens right after dinner because it takes the rest of the shift giving showers toileting changing cleaning putting them to bed sometimes multiple times. One aid to take care of 15 residents alone. Not much quality of life. People who are still active and youthful do not go into care homes be around even young looking residents with dementia. It would be depressing to be stuck in the facility if you still can take care of yourself. Q My great grandmother lived on her own till 98 past in her sleep. I have a resident that's 62 walks around looking for his wife has no idea where he. The best situation is being kept social with family visits ,clean and fed kept comfortable.
My Mom was 77 when I had to Place her in a NH . Her face was beautiful ( No wrinkles ) Lovely hair and her Body Looked Much Younger than 77 . In fact you would think she was Much Younger . She retained her sense of humor as well and would say " I want to go home it is so boring here these People are so Old . " She was incontinent , couldn't smell , eat or walk . It was tough to watch and she would dismiss me . I Found her a Place similar to assisted Living when she was 65 and got her pro rated housing thru HUD and she complained " people were Old and she wanted to Blast the Beatles . " I helped this woman for many years and There isn't Much you can do . They are Being cared for and they are safe and that's all That Matters .
I just read your profile. I am happy that you’re managing your health well and that your sister is doing well in a small board and care home.
It is wise of you to be thinking ahead for your sister’s care. Many people on this forum have family members in assisted living facilities and memory care. I am sure that you will gain knowledge from their experiences.
It’s smart to choose an assisted living facility that has a memory care unit available in case it is needed later on.
I would be more concerned about what services the facility provides rather than focusing on age of the residents.
You seem to be prepared since you have already established POA for your sister. She is fortunate to have a brother who is looking out for her best interests.
With dementia at play, your sister can look 50 but she'll wind up requiring the services of MemoryCare Assisted Living rather than regular AL, where the residents are in even worse shape, unfortunately. When I worked as a receptionist at a Memory Care AL, we had 2 female residents who were 60 years old. They'd developed early onset dementia/Alzheimer's and required managed care 24/7.
I suggest you wait as long as possible to place your sister, and when the time comes, look for Memory Care facilities that group residents together by degree of ability. That way, you don't have advanced dementia sufferers doing crafts and eating meals with moderately affected elders. They'd then be able to carry on conversations to a degree w/o it being all word salad, etc.
My mother was 92 when she went into Memory Care and insisted, until her dying day at 95, that there was nothing wrong with her.....that everyone else was "old" and "crazy", but not her. That's known as anosognosia in the world of dementia, Google it.
My Mom is 94 and says she doesn't want to go live with "all those old people".
Respectfully, what does her appearance have to do with anything? My friend's Mom got ALZ at 58, some people get it much younger than that.
Even if she asks “Why am I here with all these old people?" she won't remember your answer. You use a therapeutic fib like, "You're just here temporarily until ______ the water main is fixed, the gas leak is fixed, the furnace is fixed... etc. Maybe the facility can fold her in as a helper/volunteer so that she sees herself seperately as the others.
I'm so sorry for her having dementia at such a young age... may you receive wisdom and peace in your heart.
I don't know what she thought about being with all the old people at first, but I suspect that she never thought about that once she was so far gone with her illness. Dancing was the highlight of her life, and everyone loved to watch her.
The things we think are important in normal life become less important when something like dementia happens to us. Don't worry about your sister so much. She won't be thinking things through the way she's always done.
My FIL is 89 . We placed him last year and he doesnt think he belongs with the “ “ old people “ either.
I guess the truth is when someone needs care you have to see what is available in their chosen area, or area chosen by family.
Unfortunately, many people under 65 are living in aged care homes. Many have progressive diseases like MS, ALS, aquired brain injury from road trauma or earlier onset dementia. Group homes for under 65 do exist, but not in every area, certainly harder out of bigger cities, have long wait lists or mix people without enough choice for residents. Real choice for who they want to live can be very hard. Any age? Or 18-40s, 40s-65? Preferences for all female or mixed sex housemates. People with physical disability or psycho-social & cognitive impaired also. What about religious or cultural preferences?
But back to your sister. She may well wonder why she is with "old" people. You will have to wait & see how she adjusts. She may align herself with the care staff & make friends there.
Tour your chosen places again. Move focus from age to activities. What activities are on offer? Singing, crafts, bingo?
What does your Sister like to do?
She may look young, is she physically fit & sporty? Is there dancing, a walking group?
(My relative loves art but cannot join physical groups, needs chair based activities. Has enjoyed crafts, concerts & films. Enjoys the company of older people despite being much younger than the others.)
Those with dementia go into a memory care lockdown unit built usually around a enclosed court yard so residents just wonder around all day between meals while aids one by one toilet then before their next meal . Getting ready for bed happens right after dinner because it takes the rest of the shift giving showers toileting changing cleaning putting them to bed sometimes multiple times. One aid to take care of 15 residents alone.
Not much quality of life.
People who are still active and youthful do not go into care homes be around even young looking residents with dementia. It would be depressing to be stuck in the facility if you still can take care of yourself. Q
My great grandmother lived on her own till 98 past in her sleep. I have a resident that's 62 walks around looking for his wife has no idea where he.
The best situation is being kept social with family visits ,clean and fed kept comfortable.
I just read your profile. I am happy that you’re managing your health well and that your sister is doing well in a small board and care home.
It is wise of you to be thinking ahead for your sister’s care. Many people on this forum have family members in assisted living facilities and memory care. I am sure that you will gain knowledge from their experiences.
It’s smart to choose an assisted living facility that has a memory care unit available in case it is needed later on.
I would be more concerned about what services the facility provides rather than focusing on age of the residents.
You seem to be prepared since you have already established POA for your sister. She is fortunate to have a brother who is looking out for her best interests.
Best wishes to you and your sister.
I suggest you wait as long as possible to place your sister, and when the time comes, look for Memory Care facilities that group residents together by degree of ability. That way, you don't have advanced dementia sufferers doing crafts and eating meals with moderately affected elders. They'd then be able to carry on conversations to a degree w/o it being all word salad, etc.
My mother was 92 when she went into Memory Care and insisted, until her dying day at 95, that there was nothing wrong with her.....that everyone else was "old" and "crazy", but not her. That's known as anosognosia in the world of dementia, Google it.
Best of luck to you.
Respectfully, what does her appearance have to do with anything? My friend's Mom got ALZ at 58, some people get it much younger than that.
Even if she asks “Why am I here with all these old people?" she won't remember your answer. You use a therapeutic fib like, "You're just here temporarily until ______ the water main is fixed, the gas leak is fixed, the furnace is fixed... etc. Maybe the facility can fold her in as a helper/volunteer so that she sees herself seperately as the others.
I'm so sorry for her having dementia at such a young age... may you receive wisdom and peace in your heart.