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You can’t change how much you did or didn’t see your dad. It does seem that the person that is consistently there is recognized as a source of comfort. There is some familiarity there.
It could be that or it could be that you look nothing like the person your dad remembers as you.
Recently my aunt who has Parkinson’s and dementia, maybe Lewy Body, remarked to her daughter, my cousin, “she sounds like 97” she recognized my voice but not me.
I lost a dear friend earlier this year who was so sweet when I visited her last. Just like old times. Before I left I asked her if she knew my name and she shook her head no. Again, the young women we were together looked very differently than we did 40 years later.
Another aunt (92) who has vascular dementia remarked that she really couldn’t remember her husband. He’s been gone 25 years.
Yet when she saw a man in the parking lot today she had a vivid memory. He had a black cowboy hat on. She said “Look there’s George “.
George died about 3 yrs ago. A favorite nephew. I just said, “No, it sure looks like his hat, but I don’t think that’s him “

We do tend to want to figure it out. It’s very perplexing as to how the brain can get so scrambled.

Enjoy him now. Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is a mystery, all we have is today.
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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It might be true, or it might not be. Is it coming across as a criticism of you because you didn’t see as much of him earlier as your sister did? If so, sort it out with her. You did what you could then, you are doing what you can now. What does she want now? Acknowledgement of her past help? Compensation? Or what? Don’t get into the guilt thing. Your father needs both of you, and you need each other for the rocky road ahead.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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Georgia, does your dad have dementia or some other illness?

I don't think there is any accurate way to answer your question. In some kinds of dementia ( If that is indeed what dad has), there is no loss of knowing people. In others, that loss shows up early on.

I think the thing to remember is that whatever is going on is the fault of the disease. Not of the person with the disease, or of the folks who love that person.

Brains are incredibly complex mechanisms. Often the " reaon" for a particular behavior is not yet understood by cognitive scientists, let alone is mere mortals.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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