I have no idea who is paying my mom's expenses because my sister would not share any information with me. She tried to keep me from even speaking with my mom. I live in Florida and want to bring my Mom back to Florida to be near family who can visit her in the nursing home. How do I go about this?
And if she's not of sound mind anymore then you'll have to file for guardianship in the courts which can cost thousands of dollars, but will allow you to do what is best for your mom.
If your mother has dementia, there is utterly no way to get POA at this time.
The person who confers POA on another must be of sound mind.
You should now contact the facility where your mother is. Let them know you are a sibling who was unable to converse with the sibling who had POA. Let them know that you do not know if you are listed as the second in POA.
Ask them to have their social services review your mother's POA which they SHOULD have in their hands, and see if there is a second listed (if done by a good attorney there almost always is).
Ask who is in charge now of your mother's care.
Once you have all of this information you can proceed, but if you do not have it, then you cannot, and I can tell you that if the sibling from whom you were estranged put a hold on your seeing your mother, the facility is unlikely to let you simply come in and take over. They will have been told stories about you already.
Your best bet here is an immediate visit to your mother to discuss all of this AT the facility with an appointment with administration.
From there you will see an attorney in the area in which your mother resides so as to ascertain options for next steps. Meanwhile, with no one present at the facility, your mother may already be in guardianship of the state. You cannot know that unless you go there.
If you have any contacts at all who may know any details (Sister's husband or other family or friends) do call and try to see what currently is happening as to your Mom.
If your mother is of sound mind, she can assign you as POA. Or she can simply agree to move with you to another state. You probably don't need POA authority to remove her from her nursing home and place her in another in your state. As her next-of-kin, and with no POA in place, medical providers will generally allow you to make decisions on her behalf, if she is unable.
However, you will need guardianship, if your mother is unable to assign POA to you, in order to gain access to her bank accounts and start paying her bills. It's unfortunate that your sister kept crucial information from you.
Your task will be to figure out how to get her to either an attorney to do this, or you can download PoA forms easily and inexpensively, and then facilities will often have someone on staff who can notarize it (and provide 2 non-family witnesses). This is assuming she actually does meet the low-bar for capacity.
Also, have tempered expectations about who is going to visit her in FL and how often. People will talk a big talk. Just suggesting to have tempered expectations.
You have already learned that there is a POA in place. That is that. It's the BIL. This will all have been done through the nursing home's legal department and social services and a possible listing as a second on the POA. There is, when a POA is done by attorneys almost always a second listed.
You would be well now to throw yourself on the mercy of the POA and ask whether you can in any way be of help. Otherwise visit. Do your best to ingratiate yourself. You may otherwise be met with a restraining order to prevent your visits.