My sister is POA of our mom and is refusing to let me see her. She’s in hospice care at my sister's and they made me leave. She’s going to die. Any advice?

I have read a legal case where the family member was granted permission in a similar scenario. The parent was receiving end-of-life care in a family home. The home owner had POA or Guardianship & refused entry to another sibling. Reasons stated were past instances of verbal aggression, aggressive behaviour towards homeowner plus the result of the parent becoming extremely emotionally distressed.

The visiting sibling was allowed to visit with conditions;
1. only when appropriate notice was given (no drop ins) so homeowner could step out
2. only while being chaperoned by a Social Worker.

I make no judgement about your relationship with your sibling.

But if obtaining a Social Worker through the Hospice service is possible, maybe that approach could work for you too?

You may have the right to see your Mom, but a homeowner has the right who to let into their home. Involving a professional as a third party will hopefully bring a compromise.

If mom is on Hospice contact the Hospice and ask to talk to the Social Worker that is on the Team that you mom is with. The Social Worker might be able to pave a path for you to visit.

Who's going to enforce your rights to see your mom? That's the thing....you need to attempt to make peace with your sister so she will allow you in to see mom before she passes away. Promise her anything you need to promise her, so she'll lighten up and allow you entry to her home to visit your mother. Otherwise, I don't know what you can do? Call the police? What are they going to do, I have no idea. You can call and ask them what your options are, I suppose. It can't hurt, right? I just don't believe your sister has the legal obligation to let you into her home if she doesn't want to.

I'm sorry you find yourself in such a situation, and that your mother is under hospice care at your sister's. I pray she lightens up and lets you in so you can say goodbye to your mom. Sending you a hug and a prayer for a good resolution to an ugly situation.

Do they have good reasons for taking this action? Apparently your sister feels she does. Apologize to her( with no “buts”), that your heart is aching not being able to be there, that her death is imminent and final and that you have things to say to her before she leaves. Promise you will be very careful not to offend, that you would come only with love in your heart. Beg if you have to. Good luck I sincerely hope mom has a peaceful death with both her children there, each holding her hand.

I noticed the original writer hasn't been back since the date she asked her question.

Sometimes we need to stop one behavior or more to accommodate such people. This is hard, but sometimes it is best to give people what they want so that you may get some time with your Mom.

It is hard to help when you haven't told us what precipitated this!

Your state should have an elder care ombudsman and there is a state bill of rights which says elders cannot be kept from seeing who they want, even if locked in a facility and with someone else having a POA. Easiest way, contact state ombudsman and explain to them their job and have the bill of patient’s rights handy. Second way, get a lawyer—- more expensive and time consuming.

Best to work it out with you sister. Otherwise you can get a lawyer which will only escalate the situation.
I think of the case of Casey kasem and his story before he died.

Our lawyer explained the role of POA quite succinctly. The POA is legally required to represent the wishes of the person in place of that person.

If your mom would allow or want you to see her and your POA sister refuses to honor your mothers wishes, it is a criminal offense.

The question becomes Would mom let you visit her? If no, your sister is acting correctly. If yes, she can knock off the attitude or you can press charges and have her authority as POA revoked.

It’s easier for your sister to play nice than explain inexcusable behavior to a judge.

Sorry you’re going through this. Good luck.