My sister, is now demanding I visit, from out-of-state (2 1/2 hours each way), twice a month. Any advice? - AgingCare.com

My sister, is now demanding I visit, from out-of-state (2 1/2 hours each way), twice a month. Any advice?

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My Mom has dementia and we recently moved her into an Assisted Living facility. My Sister lives in the same town as my Mother. She, my Sister, is now demanding I visit her, from out-of-state (2 1/2 hours each way), twice a month. Ideally I would love to oblige. However, I have three kids, all who play various sports and two dogs. I am married and my Husband is happy to help when he can. I am afraid to commit/promise to coming twice a month when it may not always be possible. I know this is going to make her EXPLODE! She is a very strong/narcissist personality. Its her way or the highway. We have had a very tumultuous relationship with years of estrangement. I would like to avoid a fight but am feeling it may be unavoidable when I inevitably disappoint her.

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If you are going to disappoint her and get shouted at no matter what, you might was well do what is best for you rather than try to comply and be yelled out anyway.
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I deal with relatives like that. Just tell your sister you’ll try to do ‘fill in the blank’ and then do as you see fit. If she’s not mad about this it will just be something else she’s mad about...
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You are right. This isn't about my Mom. My Sister and I have always had a love/hate relationship. I guess I am trying to avoid the unavoidable. When I tell my sister No she explodes and we become estranged. Its been a viscous cycle for years!!
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"when I inevitably disappoint her." Start by asking yourself why you would be concerned, worried, or even feel obligated not to disappoint your sister. The underlying issues in your relationship with your sister are the problem here. It's not just the issue of visiting or not.

You're your own person. Analyze your relationship with your sister and why you feel you even need to consider her requests (?) or demands.

It's not the fact that you have a husband and children or have other commitments. Again, it's the relationship with your sister that's the issue.

There are a lot of posts here on setting boundaries with parents; they could apply to relationships with siblings.
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What would be the point of visiting twice a month? Does you mother ask for you? Can you call her or Skype her? Or are there weekly obligations that your sister wants to split with you, such as specialist appointments? Do your visits involve anything other than visiting?

My sister, who I don't think is demanding, would have a fit if I stopped helping my mother on at least a weekly basis. But our mother is not in assisted living, and we share many responsibilities such as shopping, medical appointments, and household tasks for my mother.
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