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None of the other siblings know where any papers are, or what's in the will, or anything. If my sis passes, we'll all be in trouble. We have no idea what mom wants, and sis is keeping tight-lipped.
The PoA is not under any obligation to divulge her ward's private information to any other family member. It's not for you to know what's in her Will but where the important paperwork (including the Will ) is located.
Maybe express your concerns to this sister and come up with a plan to locate the paperwork in a "worst case" scenario.
Your sister as moms POA doesn't have to share anything with you. And if she were to die before your mom then one of you will have to go to court to gain guardianship over your mom if your mom isn't mentally capable of assigning a new POA. Have you just tried asking your mom where the important papers are and what her final wishes are, as she may be more open to share with you, if there is no cognitive decline involved. Just a thought.
Discuss it with mom. If she's mentally competent, she can appoint a secondary POA who would become POA if sis dies or is unable to serve for some other reason.
I caution all of you not to encourage joint POA, such as you and sister serving together. Trying to get two POAs to agree on anything is next to impossible. I've been joint POA and would never do it again because (1) I can do it without help and (2) I want no part of the inevitable drama that joint POA encourages.
Your sister is not allowed to share information if your mother doesn't want her to. However, you could ask her to leave a note or list or document (depending on how elaborate your mother's affairs are) listing the location of necessary papers, in a secure place where it will be found with her own important papers, if she passes away before your mom. And, as already suggested, your mom can appoint a successor agent under her POA.
Discuss this with your mother and your sister, either alone or together. Let them know you do not need to know what information is in any of the documents, but that you need to know where they are, and where copies are (should be an attorney's office).
This is about the only way. And if Sister and Mother are not cooperative, then this will have to be addressed as a family, with an attorney, at the time of death of mother.
This is a whole lot of family estrangement if NONE of the other siblings can get a question this simple addressed. Sadly we see these stories all the time. Not everything can be fixed.
Why is the sister who is POA so tight lipped? Are all the other siblings bad people who only want harm? Seems doubtful. There are other questions you need to explain? 1. Why won't the sister communicate? Do you have access with your mother without your sister being around? Is this a case of "Undue Influence"? Is there something to be gained by her controlling you mother? All families have problems but some are just complete messes. Every state is probably different so this notion she doesn't have to divulge anything seems unrealistic. This sister should sharing information. She should be informing the other siblings. Why isn't she? My mother through my sister's manipulation made my sister POA. My sister has serious mental health problems. She threatens me without all kinds of false charges. And she doesn't take care of my mother. My sister lives on the east coast (we are in the Midwest) shows up about four times a year. She is also frequently out of country. My mother is 99 and in cognitive decline. I took care of my mother for years and she was already failing then. Living the gas on the stove. Sundowners, depression, frequent bladder infections. I would asking many questions about your sister's behavior.
Because you questioned whether every state has the same rule about a PoA and divulging the principal's legally protected private information to immediate family (or anyone else):
"A person holding Power of Attorney in the U.S. does not have a legal duty to divulge the principal’s information to immediate family members who are not also listed as agents or legal guardians. Their responsibility is solely to the principal. Family members who want oversight must pursue it through court action, guardianship proceedings, or protective services if they believe the agent is acting improperly."
Source: ChatGPT5
I hope this clarifies things for your specific situation. Often when there is an "information vacuum" people tend to imagine the worst. Maybe the sibling in the original post got sick and tired of being second-guessed when it came to managing the parent's affairs. I'd clam up, too.
Your mother trusted your sister, so should you. Many wills are made out in a "chain of command" order and it's legally documented. This is a very difficult job for sister and she doesn't have to share the information. Maybe she would if you pitch in to help? Are you helping or being an armchair warrior? (Fighting her from the comfort of your chair) I was in the midst of trying to find everything when my father passed away. I had no clue what was going on and I was POA! I found out later that mom almost missed paying her homeowners insurance and other bills, too! I had 6 garbage bags of recycling to go through to find missing documents. Going through everything and having my brother asking where's her will? Where's her will? I don't have anything to do with him now that mom passed away. I gave him a copy of the will a year before she passed. I let all the children and their children take whatever was was left in her house after she moved to AL. I managed her finances, the sale of the house and the moving company and the cleaning and the funeral arrangements, too! I was fair and divided everything equally with no compensation for all the time I missed work or had to drop everything I was doing on command. Mom trusted me,my brother didn't for no reason at all. Maybe this will help your family stay together afterwards? We don't like being the caregiver, we lose being their loved one, we have a duty like law enforcement,to protect and serve.
Julia, You are a wonderful person, daughter and sibling! Your parents chose you because they knew they could trust you to take care of their needs, be fair and honest. Just remember those that can't (or will not) often judge those obligated, capable and willing out of jealousy. My role is now as yours was, and our family has been divided since I began caring for my parents. I had always been known as the person to do the right thing, caring, the honest one and the one that got things done. Now, I'm considered some sort of evil person albeit my life revolves around caring for my parents, making sure all their needs are met and trying to make sure they have the best life possible for the years they have left. Hopefully France1956 and her other siblings will understand what it takes for their sister to care for her parents, extend a little empathy and reach out to see how they can help relieve a little stress on her instead of judging!
Your sister, by law under the paperwork that she signed before the attorney and witnesses has a duty nit.to divulge any of your mother's financial business. If your sister passes, the other siblings can go to court to apply for what your sister has now. If your mom is not mentally competent, the judge will appoint a guardian. The other famulily members have to be above board fiancially and not out to cause your mom financila harm. I am going through this now as I am the daughter in law and I absolutely cannot share any financial info with the daughter who will more than likely steal from the mom.
Ask your sister if she has made any plans for her death. Ask her what happens if she dies. If an attorney was used to prepare any legal documents, ask her for the name of the attorney.
As everyone else has already pointed out, the POA does not have to share any information with family. And you might not know anything until one of them dies.
If you suspect your sister is taking advantage of your mother or coerced her under duress, (isolation from the family is a sign) then you will need to get the help of an attorney and take the matter to court. You will need to provide some compelling evidence that your sister is abusing her responsibility.
Otherwise, you are right, it will be a big mess if your sister dies, and probably a bigger mess when your mother dies. As unfortunate as that is, it doesn't mean you are entitled to have everything go the way you would like.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Maybe express your concerns to this sister and come up with a plan to locate the paperwork in a "worst case" scenario.
Have you just tried asking your mom where the important papers are and what her final wishes are, as she may be more open to share with you, if there is no cognitive decline involved. Just a thought.
I caution all of you not to encourage joint POA, such as you and sister serving together. Trying to get two POAs to agree on anything is next to impossible. I've been joint POA and would never do it again because (1) I can do it without help and (2) I want no part of the inevitable drama that joint POA encourages.
This is about the only way. And if Sister and Mother are not cooperative, then this will have to be addressed as a family, with an attorney, at the time of death of mother.
This is a whole lot of family estrangement if NONE of the other siblings can get a question this simple addressed. Sadly we see these stories all the time.
Not everything can be fixed.
There are other questions you need to explain? 1. Why won't the sister communicate? Do you have access with your mother without your sister being around? Is this a case of "Undue Influence"? Is there something to be gained by her controlling you mother? All families have problems but some are just complete messes. Every state is probably different so this notion she doesn't have to divulge anything seems unrealistic. This sister should sharing information. She should be informing the other siblings. Why isn't she? My mother through my sister's manipulation made my sister POA. My sister has serious mental health problems. She threatens me without all kinds of false charges. And she doesn't take care of my mother. My sister lives on the east coast (we are in the Midwest) shows up about four times a year. She is also frequently out of country. My mother is 99 and in cognitive decline. I took care of my mother for years and she was already failing then. Living the gas on the stove. Sundowners, depression, frequent bladder infections.
I would asking many questions about your sister's behavior.
"A person holding Power of Attorney in the U.S. does not have a legal duty to divulge the principal’s information to immediate family members who are not also listed as agents or legal guardians. Their responsibility is solely to the principal. Family members who want oversight must pursue it through court action, guardianship proceedings, or protective services if they believe the agent is acting improperly."
Source: ChatGPT5
I hope this clarifies things for your specific situation. Often when there is an "information vacuum" people tend to imagine the worst. Maybe the sibling in the original post got sick and tired of being second-guessed when it came to managing the parent's affairs. I'd clam up, too.
I was in the midst of trying to find everything when my father passed away. I had no clue what was going on and I was POA! I found out later that mom almost missed paying her homeowners insurance and other bills, too! I had 6 garbage bags of recycling to go through to find missing documents. Going through everything and having my brother asking where's her will? Where's her will? I don't have anything to do with him now that mom passed away. I gave him a copy of the will a year before she passed. I let all the children and their children take whatever was was left in her house after she moved to AL. I managed her finances, the sale of the house and the moving company and the cleaning and the funeral arrangements, too! I was fair and divided everything equally with no compensation for all the time I missed work or had to drop everything I was doing on command. Mom trusted me,my brother didn't for no reason at all. Maybe this will help your family stay together afterwards? We don't like being the caregiver, we lose being their loved one, we have a duty like law enforcement,to protect and serve.
You are a wonderful person, daughter and sibling! Your parents chose you because they knew they could trust you to take care of their needs, be fair and honest. Just remember those that can't (or will not) often judge those obligated, capable and willing out of jealousy. My role is now as yours was, and our family has been divided since I began caring for my parents. I had always been known as the person to do the right thing, caring, the honest one and the one that got things done. Now, I'm considered some sort of evil person albeit my life revolves around caring for my parents, making sure all their needs are met and trying to make sure they have the best life possible for the years they have left. Hopefully France1956 and her other siblings will understand what it takes for their sister to care for her parents, extend a little empathy and reach out to see how they can help relieve a little stress on her instead of judging!
As everyone else has already pointed out, the POA does not have to share any information with family. And you might not know anything until one of them dies.
If you suspect your sister is taking advantage of your mother or coerced her under duress, (isolation from the family is a sign) then you will need to get the help of an attorney and take the matter to court. You will need to provide some compelling evidence that your sister is abusing her responsibility.
Otherwise, you are right, it will be a big mess if your sister dies, and probably a bigger mess when your mother dies. As unfortunate as that is, it doesn't mean you are entitled to have everything go the way you would like.