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Back in March of 2022, my mom got mad at my sister and wanted her off her bank accounts, and revoked her dpoa. We had not spoken since then, until my mother had to go to the Er on November 30, 2022 and we found out that she was in Afib. My sister called me that night drunk of course, and said that this is all about mom now and her health and nothing about the money and wanted to put everything behind us and start over. Everything seemed to be going good or so I thought. Then one night she called me to see what mom’s test results said that day and as the conversation went on and she got drunker she said that eventually mom wasn’t going to remember anything at all and even though it is going to be hard and probably break her heart for her own self she was going to have to step away. Now she won’t respond to my text or call me and won’t call or go by and see my mother hardly. I now take care my mom to all her appointments, make sure she has groceries and is eating trying to keep her clean make sure she takes her medicine and doesn’t drive because she has dementia (which we don’t have the diagnosis) she also has maculate degeneration in her eyes and has a hard time seeing. I don’t know what to do since I have no poa and don’t know if the judge would give me or my brother or her or someone else guardenship because the dpoa of attorney says that if it becomes necessary her and her husband get guardianship. Plus my mom’s heart is only working at 25% and now the dr is recommending a heart ablution that takes 3-5 hours. This situation is very scary for me to be in since legally I can’t make any health decisions if anything happens during this procedure. Also we live in Mo. Does anyone now what I can do?

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I know she won’t go to a neurologist or psychologist because I tried 3 times last year to get her to go because her pcp wanted her to since she fell and broke her kneck and had surgery and has two screws in her kneck the last time she said I’m not going be cause they will just say I’m crazy. I have copies of the dpoa I was going to retype it and get her to sign it basically without her knowing by slipping it in with some dr paperwork she has to sign. I have a friend that’s a notary and 2 friends I can get to be witnesses. She also has a living will.
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Are you talking about an ablation? It does take some time as they are searching for the focus of the cause of the misfiring causing the fib. It sometimes works and it sometimes doesn't for fib, but you can live forever with fib. I have had it two decades and my partner for more time. He has required a pacemaker and I have not. We both take a baby aspirin daily and are in our 80s. We are slightly more likely to get a stroke than other people, but that's about it. Completely treatable condition, so you can ease some of your worry.

Now, Sister is POA. Call her when she isn't drunk. If she wishes not to be POA are you the second?
If you are not the second is Mom still competent to appoint another POA?

If Mom is not competent to appoint another then it will be more difficult for sister to get out of her fiduciary duty under the law. She will have to resign by lawyer letter. You will not be able to be appointed if your Mom is not competent to do so and you are not already on the POA papers as second. If you ARE second then you take over.

It will be unusual circumstance if you Mom needs emergency intervention at this time. If so, the docs will consult with next of kin if the POA will not speak with them. Decisions will be made with the kin and the doctors. You may need temporary guardianship in some rare circumstances. As for Social Services to help you there.

If Mom is currently hospitalized then call Social Services. Present any papers, phone numbers for sister, etc. and tell them what you have told us. They can help you.

Best of luck and hope you will update us.
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Horseshoemama6 Mar 2023
I’m not worried about the abilation. I’m worried that if something happens I have no legal recourse and since she won’t have much to do with my mom I don’t tell her anything about what is going on with her health if mom wants to tell her she can. It’s hard to call her when she’s not drunk she starts drinking as soon as she gets home from work and she won’t answer my text or phone calls. I’m not second dpoa my brother in law is. My lawyer said that there should have been something put in the dpoa saying that if she decides to step down then she can appointment someone else. I know mom won’t go to a neurologist or physiologist because her pcp wanted her to go last year to the neurologist since she had fallen in Mr and broke her kneck and had surgery and has two screws in her kneck. She had me cancel the appointment 3 times and the last time she said I’m not going because they will say I’m crazy. My sister was going to have the medical poa redone and put me on it but she was afraid since mom has gotten worse in the last year she won’t pass the test and she will have to get guardianship and she doesn’t want to. I guess what she doesn’t know is the court can appoint anyone to be guardian but at this point I don’t think the court would appoint anyone because she can remember and home health says she is fine to live on her own. I think she will pass the test because her immediate memory is good and home health said she passed the test. Problem is I told someone that I think she would really like assisted living because they do a lot and I think it would really help her memory and she would enjoy it. So now she thinks I want to put her in a nursing home so I know she won’t give me dpoa. I told her no I just thought she would enjoy it because of the activities and so forth.
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Did your Mom revoke sisters DPOA with her lawyer? Just saying Sis is no more her DPOA does not make it so. At that point Mom could have seen her lawyer, and assigned u DPOA. This would revoked Sis's POA. Its says on the paper "this DPOA will revoke all others.

If ur talking about sister gets guardianship automatically because she has DPOA, that ain't so. Many a person has overridden a DPOA by getting guardianship. You go before a judge and explain why u feel you should have guardianship. Needing to prove DPOA is not doing their job. The DPOA states their case and the Judge decides. Guardianship is an expensive process. The person your seeking guardianship for needs to be incompetent. And because your sister seeks guardianship, doesn't mean her husband automatically gets it too. Your sister has backed away, I doubt if she will take on guardianship. Again, Mom requesting in her POA does not make it so.

From what I read heart ablation is a simple procedure. I also read it can take 3 to 6 hrs depending on the seriousness of the AFIB. Have you read up on it?

Here is a site that describes the procedure.

https://www.afanswers.com/us/en/resources.html?gclid=Cj0KCQjwtsCgBhDEARIsAE7RYh1oolrU89J2kEtsDFLIUYq6hbhVyKU5l03Gxy_Tnz7PwtVYTe1RY2QaAjxXEALw_wcB#cardiacablationus

If your sister hold Medical POA she may have to get involved with the decision making. I would give her ph# to the doctor and have him call her. All she has to do is carry out Moms wishes.
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Horseshoemama6 Mar 2023
I brought her to my lawyer and he did the paperwork to have her revoked problem is I forgot to have my brother in law taken off. I have read up on abilation and my husband has to have it done every six months on his kneck. What I worry about on the abilation is if something happens I have no recourse and since she wants very little to do with mom now I don’t tell her anything about her dr appointments I figure if mom wants to tell her she can. See one night about a month ago she told me that eventually mom isn’t going to remember anything and it’s going to be really hard to walk away and break her heart but for herself she is going to have to but I guarantee she will be back for the money if there’s anything left.
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Get a consultation with an actual certified elder law attorney (CELA) and ask those questions. It may still be possible for your Mom to create a new DPoA since "capacity" of your Mom will be assessed at this appointment by the lawyer in a private interview with her. Slight memory impairment won't prevent her, and mild cognitive impairment shouuldn't either, especially if she doesn't yet have an official diagnosis in her medical records. If she reassigns you DPoA then take her to the doctor the next day to get her cognition tested so it gets in her records in case your alcoholic sister decides to create chaos.

Another option is to download the DPoA forms online at Legalzoom.com and Rocketlawyer.com. One original for your Mom and each DPoA. Follow the instructions on how to legally finalize it (signing it before a notary with 2 non-family witnesses in most states). This is what I did with my Mom and it is a good option as a last resort.
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