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She can't remember to take her medications, bathe, brush her teeth and other activities of daily living on a regular basis but feels she is fine to drive when the notion strikes her, usually at night recently. I took her keys a couple weeks ago but she did not notice until Christmas eve and then called me and cussed me out. Christmas Day she did not mention it. I think she completely forgot it . Here it is 9 days later and she wanted to drive at night again and she called cussing me out once again. I don't know if this will be a vicious cycle every week or two or she will eventually accept it. There is no rationalizing with her that I'm doing it out of love and concern. Any advice from been there and done that people?

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Good for you for taking her keys, before something bad were to happen.

Just let her cuss. Have a standard response and let it go!
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Reply to againx100
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I had the same issue with my Aunt.
First thing I did was disconnect the battery cables so the car wouldn't start! She thought it must need repairs.
Her license was expired , but she still needed an ID to do business, so I took her to the DMV. We went through the motions and when it came time to do the vision test, she couldn't pass it.
Although she still doesn't recall what happened, it didn't matter because her car was "broken ".
Her car has been donated.
That's at least one issue solved!
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Reply to xrayjodib
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Let her cuss, you can hang up the phone once she starts.

Far better her have a conniption than killing someone on the road.
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Reply to Tothill
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Applause for your courage and wisdom to take away her keys. Might you also be able to remove her car and place a note where she kept her keys saying her car in not functional and is "in the shop"? Maybe this would prevent her from calling and cussing you out. Also, you can anonymously report her as a danger on her state's DMV website. They will send out a letter telling her to come in for an eye or road test. Don't enable her to get to that appointment, just let her license expire. Also, if you are durable PoA you should sell the car and cancel the insurance. Why waste money on it? If she has family, friends and neighbors who are willing to drive her places she would probably enjoy the company more than miss driving herself.

On a side note, she really sounds like she should be in AL...my MIL eventually forgot to eat and passed out when we were together. This is definitely a dealbreaker for your mom living by herself.
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Nyalovesme Jan 3, 2020
Thank you for your suggestions!
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Is she functioning well in Independent Living?
At what point will you transition her to Memory Care?
If she is not remembering to take her medications she should at least be in Assisted Living.
And if she truly wants to leave, as indicated by her desire to drive is there a possibility that she would wander off? Even if she got on a bus with the other residents to go to Walmart on a Friday morning might she "forget" and wander out of the store?
I see a potentially dangerous situation here and one that might not end well.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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Toy car with no motor, like some would get for their young kids.
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hickoryhunt Feb 11, 2020
Did you think that was funny?
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You are smart to take her keys. Let her curse you out. You would feel awful if she was harmed or harmed others in an accident.

Where is she going that she has to go right that minute? Of course you are concerned about her. So sorry that you are dealing with this.

Should she be alone? Is she reaching a stage where she needs more care?
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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What you may do is have your Mom's GP or Geriatric Dr. order a driver re-evaluation test. I don't know where you live, but you can search driver rehabilitation programs in your state. If you mother fails, which sounds likely from your post, the Dr. and/or the rehabilitation center will report her to the DMV to suspend her license. This may come off to your mom like you are working with her. That's how I got my mother to take it. Instead of threats, and anger, I went to the top.
You may also just call your local DMV and ask about retesting your mom. If she fails, she loses her license and she will not legally be able to drive.
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worriedinCali Jan 7, 2020
Having her license revoked is only part of the battle. As long as she has access to the car, she can drive just not legally. Just posting this because sometimes people mistakenly believe the person will stop driving once they lose their license.
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I've had the same issue to deal with. My mother even demanded that I take her car to her at the Assisted Living Facility so she could "go places." She is a partially-blind, 85-year-old senior with alzheimers and a long list of other medical problems. Anyway, she kept nagging me about the car, so I reported her to the Department of Motor Vehicles. She received a nice letter in the mail, telling her to come in to the nearest office to take a driving test. She was also to bring a list of medications she was currently taking along with her eyeglasses. She was told that failure to appear within two weeks from the date of the letter would result in her license being suspended. I asked her if she wanted to take the test, but she didn't want to go. Two weeks later, her license was suspended. She never mentioned her car or driving again. We eventually went to visit DMV so that she could turn in her license properly.....she cried and asked me what she did wrong. She was totally unable to understand that she was no longer able to drive or that she would be jeopardizing her life and the lives of others by getting behind the wheel of a car. It was really very sad.
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Reply to hottotrot
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My Aunt with dementia and macular degeneration kept wanting to drive.
We disconnected the battery cables to her car. She thought the car had mechanical problems.
We explained (fibbed) that her car would have to be towed to a repair shop. She couldn't afford costly repairs and soon forgot about driving.
It worked like a charm!
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