My 2 siblings & I are rotating and taking care of my elderly mom at home. Why does she treat her son much better than her daughters?

Most of the time, when a son moves away they will spend more time with wife's family. Daughters tend to be there, more so, to help mom as she ages. The daughters will be the first to wipe a rear end for mom when that time comes. Commonly, mom would never think of having son do the personal things for her when there is a daughter (who already probably stepped up the plate). The conversations between mom/daughters would naturally have more conversations if they are the ones who were primary when help was first needed.

With all of that said, I think that moms long to have their sons around and often come up with a reason son needs to come and do something. Order of birth can have something to do with it, too - oldest or youngest.

You'll read here how sons are quite often the golden children. Maybe sons sweet talk mom more. Maybe mom wants them closer. Who knows. What I will say is the person who is there the most often can get much more back talk than those who rarely visit and I think that's just because of the missing history of what has gone on between caregiver child and mom.

many mothers are jealous of their daughters.

she’ll say she’s behaving that way because YOU did x, y, z...she’ll always blame you.

don’t believe it.
you’re sweet and helping.
indeed, you’re very likely super angelic in all the kind ways you help.

she’s JEALOUS.

My 91 year old MIL is the same way. She has a son (my husband) and a daughter and she has always respected and treated her son better. He didn't cause her as much trouble so we thought that was it, but once grandchildren came along, the pattern continued. I also have a son and daughter and she hardly knew who my daughter was (now she doesn't know who anyone is), even though she is the sweetest person alive and does things for her expecting and receiving no pay. My son won't go over there for less than 20 dollars. She adored my son and he was a juvenile delinquent for many years! All of the trouble he got into was excused and she would take him in when we told her not to. It was awful. I do think it is generational. It's aggravating as heck though.

You don't mention if Mom has Dementia. If so, you may just have to roll with the punches. Even then, you may be able to set boundries. If no Dementia, then boundries need to be set and ur sister has to be on the same page. With people like ur Mom I am not beyond a little threat.

"Mom sis and I don't deserve the flack you give us. We are no longer children but adults and need to be treated as such. We give up our lives and families to come care for you and u don't appreciate it. So, if we can't get on the same page here we may have to consider an AL or LTC facility for you. Or you can talk to brother about caring for you. But if things don't change you are going to need to find others to care for you and that costs money"

And favoring ur brother. Besides being something that has gone on for years, itsca cultural thing. My Aunt was Italian with two sisters and a younger brother. The brother was favored.

In my mother's generation, men were idolized and worshipped even more so than they are nowadays. My mother still flirts with men and she's 94 with dementia. She has an entirely different personality with a man than she does a woman, which is why I always bring my husband with me when we go to visit her in Memory Care. Her sharp teeth come out with me, with him she's sweet as pie.

In her family of 8 siblings, the boys were treated much better than the girls. One of the boys was a monster, yet he was treated like gold until his dying day. Lots of excuses were made for his disgusting behavior, too, believe it or not, which I could never understand. But hey, he was a MAN, after all. So apparently he could do no wrong. Ask his children though, and they will tell you an entirely different story that would curl your hair.

In my mother's generation, women were groomed to be servants, men were there to be waited on BY the women. Women were second class, men were first class.

Hopefully we have broken that cycle of dysfunction in our generation, at least to some degree. I pray the current & future generations will continue to blast thru those stereotypes and expectations put on women & both sexes will be treated equally forever more. Fingers crossed, right? :)

Why indeed?

My mother ADORES her sons and we girls are kind of second hand citizens.

She felt that my dad loved me best, so there's that. Whenever she gets mad at me (often) she will just say "Well, your father loved you best", which instead of making me feel BETTER makes me feel WORSE.

IDK--whole books have been written about this and I don't get it. I have one son and 4 daughters. I love them all the same, but differently. They tease that I love my son the most, but I most assuredly do not.

Now they all have kids, they understand better that you can have one child that is more enjoyable to be with--doesn't mean you love them more. They're just easier to spend time with.