She repeats the same questions over and over. Do we tell her he is in heaven or that we do not know where he is? We are at odds on the best replies and we wonder if she is doing this for attention. This is a new chapter for us.
My mother thinks she's married to her high school boyfriend that she hasn't seen since 1944 and who has been dead since 2009. She's always wondering where he is, so we've made him into a 94-year-old workaholic who leaves in the morning before she wakes up and returns at night after she goes to bed. All the staff at her memory care know about Dan the Man and what to tell Mom when he goes missing. Works like a charm.
My mother often asks me about her dead siblings & parents. I always tell her they're in Heaven together playing cards & drinking wine. And that she will definitely be reunited with them again when God calls her Home, but that time is not now. Otherwise, she insists on calling them on the phone CONSTANTLY and will not get off the subject. It creates more angst for me to lie to her than it does for me to tell her the truth. Because that's when there's closure for her and she's able to let GO of the matter, at least for a little while.
If your mother is like mine, making up constant stories about her husband's whereabouts will become a full time job when telling her the truth, while it may create a few tears for a couple of minutes, will likely give her more peace in the end. Dementia or no dementia, a person has the right to know the truth.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.
No, your mom is not doing this for attention. Sadly it often comes with the disease. You just tell her little "fiblets" like he had to run to the store, or he's out of town visiting his parents or whatever else you may come up with. Chances are she won't remember what you tell her anyway, so if the "fiblet" is different every time that is ok. Best wishes.
Neither. Tell her “he went for a haircut” “he went to get the paper” “he went to chase the crows out of the garden” —- ANYTHING that will be soothing and comforting to her.
If she has dementia, she is not able to understand doing ANYTHING to gain attention.
If she is under active treatment for the UTI, the questioning may (or may NOT) decline as she is treated, Otherwise this can last for a while and will then lessen until it declines as well.
The goal with repetitive questioning in someone with dementia is not usually based in fact. My LO presently randomly repeats “please help mePleasehelpmpleasehelpme with no need for help, but can be distracted into short conversations about her surroundings or things (like jewelry!) that she enjoys.
This is an example of something that can be much sadder and more difficult for a caregiver than a Loved One, but it does pass over time.
https://thewomensalzheimersmovement.org/surviving-alzheimers-paula-spencer-scott/
My mother often asks me about her dead siblings & parents. I always tell her they're in Heaven together playing cards & drinking wine. And that she will definitely be reunited with them again when God calls her Home, but that time is not now. Otherwise, she insists on calling them on the phone CONSTANTLY and will not get off the subject. It creates more angst for me to lie to her than it does for me to tell her the truth. Because that's when there's closure for her and she's able to let GO of the matter, at least for a little while.
If your mother is like mine, making up constant stories about her husband's whereabouts will become a full time job when telling her the truth, while it may create a few tears for a couple of minutes, will likely give her more peace in the end. Dementia or no dementia, a person has the right to know the truth.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.
If she has dementia, she is not able to understand doing ANYTHING to gain attention.
If she is under active treatment for the UTI, the questioning may (or may NOT) decline as she is treated, Otherwise this can last for a while and will then lessen until it declines as well.
The goal with repetitive questioning in someone with dementia is not usually based in fact. My LO presently randomly repeats “please help mePleasehelpmpleasehelpme with no need for help, but can be distracted into short conversations about her surroundings or things (like jewelry!) that she enjoys.
This is an example of something that can be much sadder and more difficult for a caregiver than a Loved One, but it does pass over time.
Hope this is helpful.