The retirement home has activities for the residents and usually they try to get people out of their room at least for the 3 meals a day. Why don't you ask your father if there is anything you could bring for him to do? Does he have hobbies? Try not to project how you would feel onto him. Just having you there for a visit might be fine for him. With my mother, I'd take her out to the patio (in a wheel chair, when she was no longer walking) and we'd sit out there for a few hours. We chatted with people going by and there were things to look at. Sometimes we'd have lunch outside, just for a change. At a certain point, I felt that trying to take my mother out on excursions was not pleasurable for her - it was more trouble than it was worth. After that, we stayed closer to her home base.
Unfortunately, poor mobility becomes a vicious circle. As their activity decreases their mobility decreases and we then adapt to the decreased mobility by less activity. The lack of activity and boredom may be exactly why they are developing poor mobility. I'd talk to their physical therapist on how to safely move your family member safely. If they don't have one ask their provider for one. Maybe it will take two people, consider a gait belt for stability, and of course a wheelchair as necessary.
I liked JoAnn’s idea of taking the elder out in the car, going somewhere to pick up a food treat, and then eating it in the car. JoAnn had a special ‘custard stand’ but even Macca’s could do the trick! Watching people in your queue is something different if your LO spends most of the time in the same place. All the take-aways do deserts as well as burgers. You could get set up for it with bib/ towels, so no problems with dribbles etc.
Sibling may not be comfortable taking him out in his current condition. So, that sibling won't be taking him out. You are more comfortable with it or can handle it better, go for it to avoid his boredom problem. Invite sibling to go with you so you can both assist dad as needed.
Bring whatever is "out of the retirement home" in to him: meals, movies, pictures... experiences!
If your sibling feels unable to deal with dad's mobility, please honor your sibling's decision. He/She made this decision based on their own ability to help your dad. However, you can always bring your dad "out" when you visit - as long as facility i OK with it.
Look for a four-wheeled rollator style walker. They're like the all-terrain vehicle of walkers, goes on gravel, dirt, grass, pavement. The handles are higher, the whole thing is taller, so the person using the walker is able to stand up straight and look ahead, instead of stooping and looking down. The wheels are rubber, not flimsy plastic. They're very sturdy, but amazingly lightweight and easy to fold into the car trunk, the corner of the restaurant, the closet, or the church pew. You can buy one online from Home Depot or many other stores. About $200. It's worth it.
Hire a medical transport company to come and pick him up in a wheelchair and roll him into the van. You can also check UBER. They do have some handicapped transport rides. Then take him to the mall or out on a walk, for lunch/dinner, etc.
The retirement home should also have one and usually you can schedule them in advance, but it depends on the home.
Yes, you should take him out. But no, you shouldn't try to get him in and out of the car yourself. That can be done by someone who handles people like that all day long. It's pretty easy to find these services. Medical transports aren't paid usually by medicare, but aren't that expensive either.
Just imagine if you were 'locked in' a facility all day long. I think you're being the good child and realizing he's still human and needs a little variety.
I think the siblings are probably correct. The mobility issue makes it silly to "take him for a walk"?! Not everyone with mobility issues is in a wheelchair or even accepts a wheelchair when it is the best option. Why not engage his mind at the facility where it can be done safely? Make it fun for him and not a physical stress.
One idea I've given out to my clients and use with my own mom is Total Brain Health 360. They provide a box of ideas for discussions, activities and for mind, body and spirit. Not every idea is pertinent but it has many suggestions that provide for some great discussion and activities. Others can participate as well.
I say take the fun to him. I don't know the physical or mental limitations of your dad so I am just throwing ideas out there....Take a laptop to stream a movie, take puzzles and magazines, play music on your phone. If the facility has a garden, take donuts and coffee to him and just sit outside. If he is not mobile, put him in a wheelchair and push him around the grounds of the facility. There are times when I take popcorn and mini cans of coke and just watch the news with my mom. Take a bunch of pictures and a large piece of cardboard...go through the pictures and talk about people in the photos while making a collage. Then hang the collage on the wall of his room. What about picking out an audio book and the two of you listen to it together. Maybe a chapter per visit or something like that. Nothing too deep.
I am sure that your company is treasured the most by your dad.
Ok so let me play Devil's Advocate here. You don't give us a lot of details about what taking your father out actually looks like. But I'm going to have to lean in to what Beatty said a little. And also mention that often a united front is going to be important later on. Because division in the support system can cause a lot of problems.
With my FIL - while he is being cared for at home- his mobility issues are a HUGE problem. He got to a point about a year before COVID was starting where he was still driving himself and taking himself out - but he needed help getting his mobility scooter on to and off of the lift - that was the first sign. No one went out with him- so we don't really know what he did then. But at home he insisted on having help. Then he had a fall just about 4 months before COVID started getting on his scooter to go out to the car to go to a dr appt himself. That appt had to be cancelled and a lift assist called from the fire department. Then about 2 months later he fell again and this time he was transported, ended up in rehab and just barely was discharged (non-rehabilitatable for the first time EVER) as we went into COVID lockdown.
That was THE POINT - if you will. He didn't snap back. When he was in rehab, he didn't participate. He was, as I mentioned, discharged as non-rehabilitatable. They suggested that he should be in SNF. He was actually also discharged with at home PT and OT. The COVID lockdown was kind of our saving grace because we were able to keep him at home for some time and then even when we were able to start going out we still were able to keep him at home because he was higher risk. And by the time he was actually able to leave home again - something had really changed. I think he realized- in spite of his protests- that he was no longer capable of driving. So we started taking him out for whatever he needed. That was limited much more than he was used to and he protested - but we were still in COVID. But we noticed that he could not get in the car....literally....without a lot of help.
He couldn't use his walker to walk to the car...he needed to RIDE the scooter the 10 or so feet. He needed 5 or 6 tries to get off of the scooter to get up and heft himself into the car (he's a big man) and then getting arranged in the car was an effort. He couldn't put his seatbelt on. He had to use the pull bar in the car to shift and shift. We had to close the door. When it was time to get out of the car, we had to open the door, unlock his seatbelt. He had to have the scooter right against the car so he could step right on it. It would take pulling his feet out of the car and putting his foot on the scooter for him.
Now after all of that you just read. HE will say "I am still able to get myself in the car with no problem and I can drive if I want to". (never mind he is legally blind, can't hear anything without his hearing aids and it takes TWO people to get him in the car). He does not understand that what I just described takes 30-45 minutes from door to car and then reverse it. So just getting him IN and OUT of the car is an hour or hour and half process not to mention where you are going. (and that is not counting how long it takes to get him dressed and out of the actual house).
So....my question to you is....HOW BAD IS THE MOBILITY? Because boredom can be addressed. We decided when FIL couldn't get himself in the car without us (meaning if we weren't right there with him and we weren't facilitating every single step) that we were approaching a problem and when he became a two person transport all non-essential travel was off the table. It's too complicated to logistically plan for two of us all of the time to whimsically take him out for things - so he's limited to necessary trips only now.
Boredom can be addressed - safety issues if they are really bad - you may have to start really considering how bad the mobility really is and consider other ways to entertain him.
Safety trumps being bored. If you can't safely transport him, find other ways to peak his interest. Card games, online or TV horse races and sports games. Puzzles or lottery scratch offs. Read to him. Bring family in for an impromptu "party". Wheel him outside just for a change of scenery or an ice cream cone. Anything that changes up his routine will delight him. btw If positioning in a car is a problem, buy a quality rotating seat cushion which can help pivot him.
'Assist x1' for car transfers. - pot on to warm Lifting heavy legs in - pot heating up Hauling body out, bringing a walker, bringing wheelchair - pot simmering... Double incontinence. - boiled over, I am done
The question should be is it safe to take him out. He may be bored but if you can’t safely take him out, you shouldn’t. My mother always wants to leave but she is a two person lift and we have a truck, so there is no way I can take her anywhere. I once ordered a specialized taxi with a lift and still had difficulty and she was in extreme discomfort. We have never gone out again.
I fear we are heading this direction with my mom. But how do you get your mom to necessary outings - the doctor, for example? Sadly, we've stopped all "fun" outings, but still have to get her to appointments.
Your Dad probably is bored. My Mom who has dementia is bored.
Is your Dad confined to bed or is he is a wheelchair? If he is in a wheelchair, as another person posted, get PT and OT for your Dad and you so that a) your Dad has the balance and limited mobility to transfer from wheelchair to car safely b) that both of you learn how to transfer him from wheelchair to car safely without hurting yourself (back issues).
If he has to stay in his wheelchair, can you take him out and wheel him around the neighborhood? Can you walk to a casual restaurant? Can you bring food in for him? Can the PT suggest any devices and exercises that will help your Dad improve his mobility? Can the PT suggest any exercises that you can do together? Games? puzzles? Books? Video games?
What does the PT say about his limited mobility? Can he get back to the state where he can walk again? It is important to keep his muscles functioning as non-mobile people begin to have all sorts of health issues that would not have appeared if they were mobile (e.g. circulation and digestive issues)
Does the assisted living facility have activities that he can join? Does he want to do them?
Although your sister means well, it doesn't mean this is a forever situation. What does your Dad want to do with his life? What is his opinion?
Get the physical and occupational therapists in the facility to help both you and your sibling figure out if it's safe to get dad out for activities. If so, have them SHOW you how to help him get in and out of the car safely. Or his wheelchair....you give no details but a title to a question, so it's impossible to really give you useful advice other than that.
Are there aides that can help with getting him in and out? If so, a nice ride would get him out. Where I live we have a "Custard Stand" where everyone goes for soft serve. You pull up park and go to the window and order then carry it back to the car. I see a lot of people taking an elderly parent there for a "treat". I stopped taking Mom out because she fell. Just me, no way can I pick her up. She had neuropathy in her ankles and would go down like a lead balloon.
Take him out in a wheelchair. If you're still able to get him in and out of a car safely you'll be fine. If not you could still take him in the wheelchair to places within walking distance.
My Husband LOVED going for a ride in the car, loved going to Costco and Sam's. I made the decision to stop taking him out when it was no longer safe. One day I had to have our caregiver help him into the car, I was down on the ground trying to turn his feet so that he would end up in the right spot on the seat of the car. I said..that's it. That was our last trip. IF it is safe for you to get him out then continue. But if there is any doubt then stop. You can take him for walks (in include a wheelchair as a walk) around the facility. Sit and chat. Watch TV. Bring lunch or dinner and have a nice meal, ask if you can use the private dining room and make is special. And if he is cognizant ask him what he wants to do. If he is not cognizant then he probably is not bored, that is the affect of a person with dementia
We have like a taxi service for mobility challenged people in our area, but scheduling is nigh on impossible. Theses folks go on strike regularly for more money and are arrogant as anything.
At a certain point, you look for doctors who can make a home visit, or find entertainment at home. Sometimes people think they can do things but have no idea the imposition or difficulty it causes.
If your sibling feels unable to deal with dad's mobility, please honor your sibling's decision. He/She made this decision based on their own ability to help your dad. However, you can always bring your dad "out" when you visit - as long as facility i OK with it.
The retirement home should also have one and usually you can schedule them in advance, but it depends on the home.
Yes, you should take him out. But no, you shouldn't try to get him in and out of the car yourself. That can be done by someone who handles people like that all day long. It's pretty easy to find these services. Medical transports aren't paid usually by medicare, but aren't that expensive either.
Just imagine if you were 'locked in' a facility all day long. I think you're being the good child and realizing he's still human and needs a little variety.
Not everyone with mobility issues is in a wheelchair or even accepts a wheelchair when it is the best option.
Why not engage his mind at the facility where it can be done safely? Make it fun for him and not a physical stress.
I am sure that your company is treasured the most by your dad.
With my FIL - while he is being cared for at home- his mobility issues are a HUGE problem. He got to a point about a year before COVID was starting where he was still driving himself and taking himself out - but he needed help getting his mobility scooter on to and off of the lift - that was the first sign. No one went out with him- so we don't really know what he did then. But at home he insisted on having help.
Then he had a fall just about 4 months before COVID started getting on his scooter to go out to the car to go to a dr appt himself. That appt had to be cancelled and a lift assist called from the fire department. Then about 2 months later he fell again and this time he was transported, ended up in rehab and just barely was discharged (non-rehabilitatable for the first time EVER) as we went into COVID lockdown.
That was THE POINT - if you will. He didn't snap back. When he was in rehab, he didn't participate. He was, as I mentioned, discharged as non-rehabilitatable. They suggested that he should be in SNF. He was actually also discharged with at home PT and OT. The COVID lockdown was kind of our saving grace because we were able to keep him at home for some time and then even when we were able to start going out we still were able to keep him at home because he was higher risk. And by the time he was actually able to leave home again - something had really changed. I think he realized- in spite of his protests- that he was no longer capable of driving. So we started taking him out for whatever he needed. That was limited much more than he was used to and he protested - but we were still in COVID. But we noticed that he could not get in the car....literally....without a lot of help.
He couldn't use his walker to walk to the car...he needed to RIDE the scooter the 10 or so feet. He needed 5 or 6 tries to get off of the scooter to get up and heft himself into the car (he's a big man) and then getting arranged in the car was an effort. He couldn't put his seatbelt on. He had to use the pull bar in the car to shift and shift. We had to close the door. When it was time to get out of the car, we had to open the door, unlock his seatbelt. He had to have the scooter right against the car so he could step right on it. It would take pulling his feet out of the car and putting his foot on the scooter for him.
Now after all of that you just read. HE will say "I am still able to get myself in the car with no problem and I can drive if I want to". (never mind he is legally blind, can't hear anything without his hearing aids and it takes TWO people to get him in the car). He does not understand that what I just described takes 30-45 minutes from door to car and then reverse it. So just getting him IN and OUT of the car is an hour or hour and half process not to mention where you are going. (and that is not counting how long it takes to get him dressed and out of the actual house).
So....my question to you is....HOW BAD IS THE MOBILITY? Because boredom can be addressed. We decided when FIL couldn't get himself in the car without us (meaning if we weren't right there with him and we weren't facilitating every single step) that we were approaching a problem and when he became a two person transport all non-essential travel was off the table. It's too complicated to logistically plan for two of us all of the time to whimsically take him out for things - so he's limited to necessary trips only now.
Boredom can be addressed - safety issues if they are really bad - you may have to start really considering how bad the mobility really is and consider other ways to entertain him.
btw If positioning in a car is a problem, buy a quality rotating seat cushion which can help pivot him.
- pot on to warm
Lifting heavy legs in
- pot heating up
Hauling body out, bringing a walker, bringing wheelchair
- pot simmering...
Double incontinence.
- boiled over, I am done
Is your Dad confined to bed or is he is a wheelchair? If he is in a wheelchair, as another person posted, get PT and OT for your Dad and you so that a) your Dad has the balance and limited mobility to transfer from wheelchair to car safely b) that both of you learn how to transfer him from wheelchair to car safely without hurting yourself (back issues).
If he has to stay in his wheelchair, can you take him out and wheel him around the neighborhood? Can you walk to a casual restaurant? Can you bring food in for him? Can the PT suggest any devices and exercises that will help your Dad improve his mobility? Can the PT suggest any exercises that you can do together? Games? puzzles? Books? Video games?
What does the PT say about his limited mobility? Can he get back to the state where he can walk again? It is important to keep his muscles functioning as non-mobile people begin to have all sorts of health issues that would not have appeared if they were mobile (e.g. circulation and digestive issues)
Does the assisted living facility have activities that he can join? Does he want to do them?
Although your sister means well, it doesn't mean this is a forever situation. What does your Dad want to do with his life? What is his opinion?
Good luck
Take him out in a wheelchair. If you're still able to get him in and out of a car safely you'll be fine.
If not you could still take him in the wheelchair to places within walking distance.
I made the decision to stop taking him out when it was no longer safe. One day I had to have our caregiver help him into the car, I was down on the ground trying to turn his feet so that he would end up in the right spot on the seat of the car. I said..that's it. That was our last trip.
IF it is safe for you to get him out then continue.
But if there is any doubt then stop.
You can take him for walks (in include a wheelchair as a walk) around the facility. Sit and chat.
Watch TV.
Bring lunch or dinner and have a nice meal, ask if you can use the private dining room and make is special.
And if he is cognizant ask him what he wants to do. If he is not cognizant then he probably is not bored, that is the affect of a person with dementia
At a certain point, you look for doctors who can make a home visit, or find entertainment at home. Sometimes people think they can do things but have no idea the imposition or difficulty it causes.
If you feel you can, then you do so.
Right?
Whether Dad is bored or not is up to him - but sentence cut off so please elaborate further if you wish to :)
No wonder so many seniors don't want to be put in any of these places.