My question is, how the heck do we continue to do what needs to be done? I am so freaking tired. 9 years caregiver for my Dad.

It’s okay that you can’t continue.

Knowing that, and believing that it was fine to make other decisions, made the difference of me going completely under or not.

My sibling was not involved. If I HAD gone under, responsibility would have moved to my daughters. And, for me, that was not what was right, in our case, at ALL.

If your siblings haven't stepped in 9 years, they're not going to step up now. If they had wanted to be helpful in any way, they would have been so long before now.
You must now do what is not only best for your dad and his safety, but what is best for you and your physical and mental health. You've paid your dues, and perhaps it's now time to look into placing him in the appropriate facility, where he will receive the 24/7 care he needs, by trained professionals, and you can get back to just being his daughter. Please take care of yourself, as you know your dad would not want you or your health jeopardized because of him. Wishing you the best.

If you really can't continue, stop. But if you want to continue, widen your care team.

Ask family, sure, but don't wait passively. Be proactive & arrange what YOU & DAD both need now.

Have you had a needs assessment done? Do you know if Dad qualifies for any services or what is available in your area? eg adult day care, home health aides.

A wise midwife told me a village was required to raise a child & I think it's the same for elders! She said if not enough aunties (too far away, busy working etc) to use 'paid aunties' at day care instead. So I did & I always found the 'paid aunties' happy to work their shift too. (Unlike the multitude of problems I have seen & read with having siblings do their shift... potential for resentment, excuses, squabbling, shirking, denial or lack of interest found when the carer doesn't want to be a carer).

It is never ending, isn’t it? Caregiving is emotionally and physically exhausting.

Many of us have been through it or going through it.

I wouldn’t count on your siblings to help. I would start considering other options.

I am glad that you recognize your limitations. That is half the battle won. So many of us have felt that it was our responsibility and pushed ourselves to the point of complete burnout!

Don’t go there. Don’t burn yourself out. That isn’t good for anyone.

I hope you find viable solutions soon. Best wishes to you and your dad.

Take care.

9 years.. wow! Is he suffering from dementia?

I am so sorry, Patty. My heart goes out to you and I pray for your comfort tonight and that you may receive rest and hope and strength for a new day.

You can talk to siblings and see if they are willing to help. If yes, that's great. If they are busy with their own life, you need to find other options, like a professional caregiver.

Wish you the beet